The last thread was growing a bit cumbersome, so I thought it might be a good idea to start a new one, and this seems like a good time.

The past few weeks have been stressful for the boys and stressful for me in a different way, so I've really been making an effort not to spank anyone. They would have had to do something pretty major to earn one.

Last night, I was checking on the guys after dinner. Noah was doing some math homework and having some trouble, so I set down to help him. When I picked up his book, a folded piece of paper fell out. It was a homework assignment on which he'd made a 40, because over half of it hadn't been finished.

Now, not doing good on a homework assignment is not the end of the world. Not doing good on a homework assignment you didn't finish, after you told your dad that you didn't have any homework and had double checked... Well, that's a problem.

I understand that Noah is not crazy about school. I understand that he'd wanted to hang out with his friends. However, I'm not willing to understand not doing chores (which homework is counted as) and lying about it. I knew he wouldn't be able to concentrate on it, so he and I went to my office, pausing just long enough to get Black.

The two of us talked about the importance of homework and of being trustworthy. Since he's proven (again) that he's not trustworthy with homework, I put him back on the homework folder system. I also warned him that I'll be doing random checks on the web site, to make sure he's writing it all down. Not writing down a homework assignment and both going to count as strikes when not done.

I doubt he didn't know exactly what was going to happen, so I tried not to make the talk last too long, but I felt we needed to get it out of the way. Noah isn't as angry after a spanking as he used to be, but he is still pretty pouty for a while. I made sure he understood the spanking was NOT for the homework, but for not double checking when I told him to (I didn't want to start another argument, so I did NOT flat out state, though it was strongly implied, that he'd lied to me about it).

It was a pretty standard spanking. Noah's pretty tough, but he was still having a good hard cry when it was over. Unlike most of my kids, I keep Noah over my lap for a while and give him a bottom rub. When he first moved in, he could be a little violent, so I started keeping him over my lap, and it's just become a habit now. Still, he's getting more used to me and to being spanked, because he's reached the point where, even though he's going to sulk and pout for a while, he wants a hug when he gets up.

Because he did have homework to do, I let him skip corner time. I did tell him to go get ready for bed before he went back to the homework. He took another shower (but knew enough to keep it fairly cool), and was calm enough that we could sit down together and do the homework by the time he was ready for bed.

The funniest thing about it is, Noah really isn't shy. Now, none of my boys are particularly shy, but Noah was planning on a shower and didn't want to put anything over his sore bottom, so he walked, nearly naked, back to his bedroom, which was really cute, since his t-shirt wasn't long enough to cover anything important, like his glowing red bottom. Even if I was used to being naked around my brothers, I think I'd want to keep Dad's artwork covered.

Noah dude! Your Dad is a math teacher! Let him help you! I guess Noah should be thankful he didn't get BLACK. I know how Noah's Dad feels about lying!

Oops!

Noah did get Black, which is why he had to pause to get it. I have a copy of Red in my office, but that's our only copy of The Whacker Black. I don't know why I missed that, except I was trying to get the post done before I had to take the boy to football practice this morning.

I also forgot to mention the follow up that actually happened while I was typing this.

Noah has to be at practice at 7am, so he gets up and eats breakfast early, then I take him after I've got the other kids started in the right direction (actually, PJ and Charlie mostly take him, since they're up early for their jog).

This morning, he came walking in, still in his briefs, which is normal for him, and got some juice while I was making him a fried egg sandwich. He was a pretty quiet, even for early morning (Noah's the opposite of bright-eyes and bushy-tailed in the morning), but he finally spoke up.

I had my back turned to him, so didn't see what he did before asking, "Dad; am I still red?"

I turned around to see that he'd dropped his shorts. He wasn't mad at me or pouting, he was worried about that after football shower!

I think he'll pass. His sit spots might have still been a little pink, but I doubt anyone will notice it, unless he points it out.

I'm sorry Noah managed to earn a spanking, but I'm glad he's making such progress in accepting responsibility! That is so funny that he asked you if his butt was still red.

Poor Noah--I guess that football practice prevents his using my method of completing math homework. You see, I had a friend who didn't like English, so early in the morning, we did a little swap out. Yet another example of undetected crime!

Kat

That's just too funny! If it's just a little pink no one will notice. I know all of those pads gave me red marks when I played. I doubt Noah ends up being knocked to his butt however that could be an explanation too!

I'm really proud of Van and especially Bryce. He went from really resenting Van to being a good big brother and the two of them normally get along real well, despite the age difference.

Last night was an exception to that.

I've been splitting the difference in their age group for bedtime stories. Both of them can enjoy the same thing, but they have different preferences. Van still wants picture books. Bryce enjoys more complex stories. Some of the things I've read recently with Bryce are My Side of the Mountain, Hatchet, and The Outsiders. With Van, I usually look more for illustrated versions of childrens classics, like Riki Tiki Tavi, Lassie Come Home, and The Stinky Cheese Man.

Well, Bryce and I have decided to start on Rick Riordan's Lightning Thief next, which is the first in a series, and will be a movie in February. Next does not mean tonight, though. The two of them got in an argument over what we were going to read last night. I offered a compromise, but that wasn't good enough for either of them, though it was really fair to both. I finally told them that they could go to bed without a story, and tucked them in. Coming back from the twins room, Van and Bryce were not only still up, but were fighting about whose fault it was.

I have to admit that I almost downgraded the spankings to just hand. After Bryce realized they were both about to get a spanking, he claimed it was his fault and asked me not to spank him. When Van heard that, HE claimed it was HIS fault, and said I shouldn't spank Bryce. Well, I did spank both of them and I did use their paddles on both of them, but they were fairly short spankings. Both boys had a good cry, but I didn't take either of them to the edge, much less push them over.

I'm not positive, since I always had my own room, from the time I was 9, but I think sometimes they just need to blow some steam off at each other. When they get home this afternoon, I'll try to talk to them about more constructive ways to do that than hitting each other with stuffed animals when they're supposed to be in bed (which is, admittedly, much better than using fists).

I love these boys. I did have to share a room with siblings who were substantially older. Sometimes there was real tension. My parents seldom intervened, so we usually worked it out. I'm glad the boys were so empathetic and generous about being in trouble. And I'm happy that they got fairly short spankings.

Kat

What a nice little anecdote! Two little clocks being reset. It was very nice they way they each wanted to take the blame! Love them!

Kat - If they'd not been up after I put them to bed, I wouldn't have spanked them for it. Bryce is bigger than Van, but not a lot bigger, so I don't feel like them fighting is bad, especially not when they're using pillows to do it. I tolerate a certain amount of rough housing among the boys, as long as they're no serious wounds or broken furniture, because I understand the need to blow off steam on occasion.

You think Van's recent problems (and red bottom) might have to do with Bryce's increased acceptance of him? Mickey is so much older than Van, being like Mickey is still a some day far off thing, but having an cool and loved older bro closer in age and not much bigger in size may be at the root of wanting a later bed time and watching "big boy" scary movies? Maybe Van needs to be assured that it's still okay to be 7 and not to be in a rush to be 10.

Van has such a big heart though. Seems like he's always willing to comfort and forgive Bryce even when in the past, he was the victim in whatever caused Bryce to get his bottom warmed.

It's also nice that while they have their own groups of friends, that both groups intermingle well. There being so many brothers in those groups must help and hinder. I found the "short arm inspection" story nostalgic - the split is about 60/40 here, uncut/cut, so everyone knows that there is a difference and everyone is curious about it. In fact, I didn't find it surprising at all that Ryan was facinated by Mickey's difference. It was the big curiousity in Middle School showers.

I try to always make it clear to the boys that I treat each one as his own person and they should behave the same way. I rarely make sweeping rules, and try to customize the rules for each kid, and let them know why I've adjusted it that way for them (good or bad). However, maybe I do need to go over that again with Van.

You're right, Van is a great kid and very forgiving. On the other hand, there have been a few times that he's driven Bryce crazy, so he's not totally innocent.

As for the two groups, I think brothers might be part of it, but the other part is that Van has friends who are his age, but also friends who are six and eight, while Bryce, who has some friends his age, also has friends that are nine. It's perfectly normal for the nine year olds to like the eight year olds as much as the ten-year olds, so I think the intermingling of groups occurs there. Plus, let's be honest, at ten, they're still playing a lot of the same games. As long as the younger kids don't loose to often, I'm sure they'll all enjoy each others company another year or so.

I have say that I'm really impressed with both Mickey and Van. They have such big hearts and seem quite astute and loving despite their personal tradegy and relative newness to their family. Certainly, rather than retreating into themselves, they can show real empathy and concern for their new brothers. Mickey was so understanding during Barry's bad Halloween and so willing to be accountable when he, though rarely, has to go over Dad's knee. Kids who have gone through what they've gone through can be so convinced that the world is so inherently unfair as to never empathize again.

Considering he knows what a potentially long and therefore hard paddling might await him, it was truly brave for Van at 7 to try to take the blame for Bryce (and vice versa, of course), or to crawl into bed to comfort Bryce after Bryce was totally worn out for murdering Van's beloved Spanky Bear. Clearly, at least in this case, his priorities were very clear: brother first, teddy (no matter how liked) second - that's pretty good for 6.

I think you do a great job of presenting each of the boys in your stories as individuals and people, flawed perhaps, but trying really hard, but I have to admit, I find Mickey and Van's story and the great little boys they still manage to be, as really special.