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BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production

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1 BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Tue Dec 21, 2010 8:38 pm

Skater


Bransom Postmaster
Your 9 year old nephew Peter is living with you until further notice. A few months ago you're sister-in-law had to go into rehap and theorpy. You're brother passed away not long after Peter was born and by Peter's mom's choice you've not had any contact with them.

When the crisis occured you made an arrangement for Peter to come live with you and your very large family. The boy did miss him Mom but really started to fit in pretty well. He did earn a couple of spankings as he wasn't used to having so much supervision and rules.


Peter 9
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Today, just days before Christmas Peter had a series of tantrums. First he wanted to do one thing and they another and finally back to the first. His tantrums were something you would expect from a much younger boy. You ended up sending him to his room.

Unders normal circumstances you would have certainly give him a spanking but you're not so sure this time. What will you do?


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2 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Tue Dec 21, 2010 9:26 pm

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'd cut the kid some slack. He probably is having a bad day because it's close to Christmas and he's not with his mom. No matter how well he is fitting into my family, he must miss the family that he is not with, especially right now. I think giving him some time to cool off is a better response to this behavior than a spanking would be. I'll talk to him when he calms down and see if I can get him back on track. Of course, boys Peter's age are not necessarily introspective. He may not even know why he's having a bad day.

Kat

3 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Tue Dec 21, 2010 10:07 pm

AFinch


Sherrif
I totally agree with Kat. Nothing to add. Tough time for young Spiderman.

4 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:29 am

pushkin


Cowboy
Talk to him! Talk to him! Talk to him again! If I'm in any way suitable to be looking after this totally vulnerable boy he will trust me and tell me what's bugging him, even if he doesn't know what it is! The last thing he needs at this stage is a spanking. I might lose his trust and respect for ever.

Of course he's missing his Mum, and of course Christmas is a time when all sorts of emotions surface - not just for him, for all of us. I have to understand this. He needs lots of love and special care.

5 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:41 am

ivor


Marshall
Now if he was a year younger I might be able to get him to write a note to Santa in which his needs could become clearer, but without that option I'm in the Kat korner.

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6 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:47 am

MemoryMan


Sherrif
This looks like a call for help and I think Kat and Pushkin have it pretty well tied up.

All I would add is that before I joined Peter I would talk to my own children making it clear to them that I would not be punishing him but had only sent him to his room to calm down. I would go on to ask them to try to imagine how they would be feeling with Christmas coming up when they had no father, no brothers or sisters and suddenly their mother had been taken away as well.

Then when I went up to talk to Peter I would sit him on the bed beside me and put my arm round him. There would be no remonstrations, we might even start with a long silece. Then I would simply follow any leads I could coax out of him.

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7 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 5:00 am

pushkin


Cowboy
Right on, MemoryMan. You've said it all for me.

Pushkin (totally 'with it' in the language(?), despite being at least one generation out of date.)

8 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 7:24 am

Skater


Bransom Postmaster
I hope a spanking is NOT what he needs because I doubt I would be able to give him one. *Hugs Peter*


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9 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 11:25 am

kalico


Sherrif
I agree with all the answers as I could not spank him either....hopefully a timeout is all that is needed or maybe even a nap and then a long talk to see if we can fnd out what is bothering him and if we can find a solution. Very Happy


santa Kal

10 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 12:58 pm

Stone Man


Marshall
After I pull out his shirt from his pants, Peter is ending up over my lap for what he needs, a long slow backrub.

The rub will either loosen up his tongue or put him to sleep, either outcome will be good for Pete today.

If he will talk, I need to listen, listen, listen and try and read between the lines, as I agree that he likely has no concrete idea why he is regressing to tantrum like behavior.

I liked MemoryMan's idea about talking to my kids and helping them understand why Pete isn't in real trouble at the moment for behavior that would be unacceptable from them. I will be rushed with them, as I don't want Peter worrying upstairs alone that a spanking is forthcoming when in fact it is not, or is at least highly unlikely.

11 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Dec 22, 2010 3:18 pm

Jack


Admin
One thing that was left out of this scenario is that the real life fits thrown by Peter (which I mentioned in chat yesterday) were all basically because he wasn't able to do what he wanted when he wanted. However, I seem to remember a few of those from my childhood.

I did have a talk with Peter last night, and we decided (for sure, no take backs) what he wanted to do. My mom was already out with Griffin and Van, and she swung back by to pick him up. They'd apparently been doing a bit of last minute shopping.

They all had a good night last night. Mom had promised me they'd get a good dinner, which apparently now includes pizza. She also let them have soda, then popped corn, so they could all watch a movie. It was a beautiful day down here yesterday, and the boys were in the backyard, playing on Tommy and Cal's old tree house, when Parker saw a boy he knows from school. (He goes to the same elementary where I attended sixth grade). When she brought them home this morning, they were all very excited about the visit, and assured me they had a great time.

So that's how I'd handle it.

I'll have to admit I was tempted to spank a couple of times during the tantrums though.



ivor wrote:Now if he was a year younger I might be able to get him to write a note to Santa in which his needs could become clearer, but without that option I'm in the Kat korner.

Ummm... What difference does that year make? I don't know about the other parents around here, but most of my kids have kept it going until 10 (with one stubborn holdout until 11). As a matter of fact, I think Santa did receive a letter from Mr. P this year.

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12 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Jan 12, 2011 11:38 am

squarecutter


Sherrif
Poor kid .His mums actions in separating them from the extended family clearly hasn't helped. He is dealing with being left with virtual strangers, new routines and probably tighter discipline. He is also finding his new family's Christmas buildup and traditions different from what he had with mom so the loss he feels is compounded at a time when everybody else is wildly excited. Nice as everyone is trying to be it is a lot to take in. Can he not contact his mum at all or talk to her on the phone?

As everyone has said this little chap needs hugs, backrubs and someone to listen however incoherent he might be. Someone said 9 year old boys don't do introspection. I think some do. The problem is they cannot always articulate what is in their mind.

I will explore the possibility of the lad getting to talk or write to mum, even send her a christmas card and remind him that Christmas in this family will be a lot of fun if he can join in with the others.
I will try to ensure the other kids will be as understanding as possible, starting by enlisting the help of the older ones

13 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Wed Jan 12, 2011 1:38 pm

Skater


Bransom Postmaster
Calling/writing to Mom is a great idea. I align myself with that idea!


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14 Re: BOTD 12-22 A Kalico Production on Tue May 14, 2013 7:09 pm

John Boy


Sherrif
After I have sent him to his room, I will go and sit down and talk to him. I want to try and understand what the problem is, I will then point out why his behavior was unacceptable and give him a choice of a spanking or some warning three warning swats to his jean.

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