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BOTD 12/13/12 "Ugh! You're An Idiot" A John Boy Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
UGH! YOU'RE AN IDIOT

A John Boy Production


Your eleven year old son, Matt, has come to you and told you that his older brother, Mike, who is thirteen, just called him an idiot. You expressly do not allow the boys to call each other names of any kind. You call for Mike and he flatly denies calling Matt an idiot. He said Matt disturbed his video game playing and all he said was, "Ugh!" This turns into a "you did too, I did not" argument between the brothers. You are feeling inclined to believe the younger sibling. Mike then gets mad at you and starts yelling at you. Yes, you should have got more information, but when Mike started yelling at you, it was all you could take. You gave Mike a spanking and took his video games for a week.

MIKE -13 & MATT - 11

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You find out later in the day the real truth. Mike was playing an especially difficult game and was almost ready to win when Matt barged in his room and disturbed him. Mike did get frustrated and, yes, all he did was yell out, "Ugh!" It seems Matt saw a good opportunity to cause some trouble for his brother.

How do you sort all of this out?


_________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
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AFinch


Sherrif
It sounds like Mike was spanked for his disrespect (yelling at me during his "interrogation") rather than because of the alleged name calling.

It also sounds like Matt lied in order to get his big brother in trouble.

I'm going to sit down with Matt and let him know that lying in order to get one's brother (or anyone else) in trouble is beyond the pale. I'm also going to remind him of rules involving privacy and barging in--on anyone. And then I'm going to seal the conversation with a spanking.

I'm then going to talk to Mike. I will apologize for not getting more information, while pointing out that his yelling at me was the reason that conversation abruptly stopped. In future, he will get far better results from civil discourse. I will tell him that he was spanked for his disrespect, and that he may have his video games back. The matter is now closed.

John Boy


Sherrif
This is similar to an incident in my life. I will give my opinion a little bit later.

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
In all candor, I'm not certain that I'd have spanked in the instance. I probably would have counseled the boys about the need to respect each other.

In the instance of the scenario however, it seems to me that little bro is working hard to make me punish his elder. I think I will likely let this 'backfire' on him and arrange for him to get his seat warmed up.

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I really think you have to let siblings work most things out themselves. Of course, there are limits, but I hardly think I need intervene over one kid calling the other an idiot. I also expect a kid who is unjustly accused is likely to become defensive and even disrespectful. I'll apologize to Mike and spank Matt for telling the sort of lie for which there is no excuse. In the future, I'll probably be blind and deaf if Mike thumps Matt (at least until it becomes excessive).

Kat

Jkher


Trailboss
I actually think that siblings need to work this sort of stuff out for themselves. I think that I would be really reluctant to interfer unless it got out of hand.

I think I'd rather watch than anything else for now.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
What are brothers for if they cannot call each other idiots once in a while. If we've got into a he said, he said row it is of my making, I now have to spank both which is probably what THIS dad would do or let them sort it out between them.

Lying to get your brother inn trouble is a terrible thing though an will get you a real hiding

Jack


Admin
Okay, it sounds like someone should have been called an idiot, but it wasn't either of the boys.

Meaning no respect to Leti's recent, wonderful story, I do remember what it was like to be a kid, and I remember how frustrating this kind of situation is, especially when you know there's nothing you can do about it. Even if Mike had called his brother an idiot, what basis do I have to believe he's lying? Is Matt really that big an angel that he's never provoked his brother or lied to me? What I should have done is tell Matt not to bother his brother when he's gaming, reminded Mike of the rule on calling people names, and warn him he'd better not let me hear it, and send them on.

Since I didn't do that, Matt is going to regret letting me learn the truth. Mike is going to have the option of watching me give his little brother the exact same spanking he got, which will be an upgrade for Matt. Matt will then lose his gaming privileges (or something of equal value to him) for the same period.

Later I'll explain to Matt exactly how reprehensible his actions really were. For now, after Matt is dealt with, I'm going to apologize to Mike as humbly as I can. I'll try to explain to him why I made the decision that I did, and point out that his attitude did influence things. I know it will take time for me to regain his trust, just like it does for him, when he lies to me. However, I will ask him if there's some (non-monetary) way for me to make it up to him. Maybe we can spend a bit of time gaming together.

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Jack


Admin
squarecutter wrote:What are brothers for if they cannot call each other idiots once in a while.

Several comments like this were made, so I just wanted to respond.

I don't like the boys calling each other names, but with boys, it's often done affectionately. To me, the trouble is that it can often slip over the line for one of the boys and cause hard feelings, but that's just not something you can legislate away. Instead, I warn the boys that there are certain words we don't use.

If I hear those words, I just remind the boys we don't use them, and if I hear them often, we might have a talk about why. I don't think I've ever spanked for that though - at least not when it occurred between boys who were pretty much peers, like in this case.

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MemoryMan


Sherrif
If my eleven year old came whining to me about being called an idiot by his brother I would simply tell him to grow up and stop being one.

If then he didn't immediately back off he would be in gave danger of learning about about the law of unintended consequences Mad

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John Boy


Sherrif
Ok so here is what happened for real.
Spoiler:
There is a slightly larger age difference between my brother and me, so I was about 12 and he was 6 so sorting it out by thumping would not have worked. This was actually a trick my brother used often, bug me until I responded and then tattle. In reality all I did say was UGH! He went and told my Dad that I called him an idiot. Now being called up after you are trying to defeat that same boss again to be accused of calling said brother an idiot did not help the situation. He asks and I say no, well little bro is of course right there and is repeating that I did. Dad keeps asking if I called him that. After the third or fourth time is when I in fight or flight defensive mode yelled that I DID NOT! By the time this incident started they didn't spank me so, I got sent to my room and lost video games for a day or two. And Dad never figured out he was played and brat I mean brother got away with it.

Now as for how I would have dealt with it if I was a Dad first thing separate them. Get both sides of the story and see I have not enough evidence to actually deal with this situation appropriately.

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Jack


Admin
JB, I never had that kind of problem with my little brothers (less difference in age for me and Matt, more for the rest of them). However, I think that if I HAD had that trouble (and I did with Satana), I would simply explain that if I was going to get in trouble anyway, I might as well do something to earn it.

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Stone Man


Marshall
Jack wrote: I would simply explain that if I was going to get in trouble anyway, I might as well do something to earn it.


lol! lol! lol!


As far as the situation, I hope as the parent I would have defused Mike's outburst with a warning to calm down and tone it down and keep things at the discussion level.

But as that did not happen, I would treat Mike's spanking as one of those for that awful generalization word "Disrespect" or rudeness.

Matt's getting an upgrade spanking for getting big bro into trouble and Mike is getting his gaming privileges restored.

squarecutter


Sherrif
John Boy wrote:Ok so here is what happened for real.
Spoiler:
There is a slightly larger age difference between my brother and me, so I was about 12 and he was 6 so sorting it out by thumping would not have worked. This was actually a trick my brother used often, bug me until I responded and then tattle. In reality all I did say was UGH! He went and told my Dad that I called him an idiot. Now being called up after you are trying to defeat that same boss again to be accused of calling said brother an idiot did not help the situation. He asks and I say no, well little bro is of course right there and is repeating that I did. Dad keeps asking if I called him that. After the third or fourth time is when I in fight or flight defensive mode yelled that I DID NOT! By the time this incident started they didn't spank me so, I got sent to my room and lost video games for a day or two. And Dad never figured out he was played and brat I mean brother got away with it.

Now as for how I would have dealt with it if I was a Dad first thing separate them. Get both sides of the story and see I have not enough evidence to actually deal with this situation appropriately.

There are many variants on that game and as an oldest brother myself you have my sympathy JB. My parents usually saw through it. My mums line was often I don't care who started it but if it carries on I'll finish it which usually stopped it

Stone Man


Marshall
squarecutter wrote:My mums line was often I don't care who started it but if it carries on I'll finish it

Gee... you too??? Stopped it real quick between my big sister and me, most of the time. I know we tested it more than once and didn't like the way Mom finished it on us.

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