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BONUS BOTD 2/5/13 "Is Detention A Big Deal?" A DMK Bonus

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David M. Katz


Marshall
IS DETENTION A BIG DEAL?

A DMK Bonus Production


Your twelve year old son recently transferred back to his previous school after a private school proved to not be a good fit for Nicky. He was excited to be back among his friends. You know your son is a social type and was concerned that talking may be an issue.

Last week, Nicky was finished with his work so he started chatting with a friend. The teacher gave Nicky several warnings and finally moved him. He still just would not stop talking so he was assigned to copy 100 definitions from his text book as punishment. Nicky accepted the punishment well and seemed to have learned his lesson.

Today Nicky comes in from school and hands you a detention slip to be signed. He is to serve detention tomorrow afternoon. In short, Nicky was doing essentially the same thing as last week - talking after repeated requests to be quiet.

Nicky - 12
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Nicky has a very poor attitude about the issue and seems to frankly not care. He says to you, "It's no big deal, it's just detention."

How do you respond to Nicky?


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ivor


Marshall
What does Nicky care about?

I'm sure I know, so I'll be telling him that when he next brings one of these slips home then something is going to happen to him that he wil care about.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
May be not for you. Pity this school is so soft. First up it is a big deal or I am about to make it one. Son there are times for talking and times for working. Furthermore your disruptions are disrespectful to your teachers and unfair on your classmates when they are trying to study. So you are on notice. Next time you are on detention for disrupting class you will be paddled unless you can come up with a very good excuse. Consider yourself warned.

MemoryMan


Sherrif
I'm boarding Ivor's train

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Pi Beta


Deputy
Ditto Squarecutter.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
And you wonder why I use 'trouble @ school = trouble @ home' at our house?

THIS type of situation is why. Detention becomes a "big deal" when they know there's an additional price to pay and obviously for him, detention isn't enough of a deterrent. In this instance I'd be inclined to warn him of the institution of said rule for the future and suggest that his attitude is dangerously close to being 'adjusted'. Twisted Evil

On the other hand, at 12 he may be just running his mouth; if this is the case how he responds to the above may be telling. I would factor that into whether and how far I adjust said 'tude.

Stone Man


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote:On the other hand, at 12 he may be just running his mouth; if this is the case how he responds to the above may be telling. I would factor that into whether and how far I adjust said 'tude.

Good point.

He's still in for a lickin' of some variety in the future if he continues to talk in class and get detentions.

Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
I'm going to whack him.

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
Detention is probably a bigger deal than he makes it out to be. I'm not taking the bait. If the school needs me to back them up, they have my number. Until they call, I'll let the school handle the situation.

Kat

Jack


Admin
I would explain to Nicky why it is a big deal - disrupting class for the teacher, the other students, and possibly even his friend. If he still doesn't see the case, I'll explain to him that I do think it's a big deal, and that I feel future cases of talking in class might face reinforcement at home, no matter what does or doesn't happen at school.

In this case, he just gets a lecture and a warning, but it might be time to find something else for him to do in class, if he's getting finished that far ahead of the other kids.

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Jack


Admin
1strappedboy wrote:And you wonder why I use 'trouble @ school = trouble @ home' at our house?

I just have to point out here that I have no trouble with reinforcing punishment at school with punishment at home.

Caleb's School Trouble

What I have trouble with is a policy that makes no allowance for the reality of what occurred. Each of the times I got into real trouble at school, it was undeserved.

A Christmas Surprise

Would you really have whipped me in this instance?

I can think of at least four times I deserved to be paddled that I got off with a warning, and who knows how many times I wasn't even caught. And honestly, as a teacher, I can tell you that I felt that most of the time, I made the impression I didn't want made, and I would have let the kid off if I'd known he would be punished again at home, because it would have seemed like overkill to me. In the times I didn't feel I could make the right impression, I contacted the parents. And THEN, I would have been happy to deal with a parent like you.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
Two whippings would be a bit much in my view but if a school didn't have cp and detentions were racking up as here then I think reinforcement is necessary. Clearly detentions don't bother this young man

Stone Man


Marshall
Jack wrote: but it might be time to find something else for him to do in class, if he's getting finished that far ahead of the other kids.

Reading good books worked for me. There was rarely a day that I didn't finish all my work in class and have time to read.

db105


Trailboss
1strappedboy wrote:And you wonder why I use 'trouble @ school = trouble @ home' at our house?

I agree that the parents should support the school and impress on their son the importance of making an effort and behaving reasonably at school. But the problem with 'trouble @ school = trouble @ home' is that it's a "zero tolerance" kind of policy, and I'd prefer to take into account the circumstances. A punishment at school plus a punishment at home might be too harsh if the school punishment was already on the harsh side to begin with.

As an illustration, I'd recommend one of Naturalman's Best of the Six stories:
A Stain On His Good Name
http://www.malespank.net/viewStory.php?id=8028

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Padraig


Trailboss
I wonder why the teacher didn't give him a new problem to solve or something to read. Some of my teachers did this occaisionally. Sometimes we were allowed to go to the hall already if a break was following the lesson.

One detention isn't reall "a big deal" unless it's stated in some important report. However, it's one too much for simply being too hyper. Last warning, son!

David M. Katz


Marshall
Padraig wrote:I wonder why the teacher didn't give him a new problem to solve or something to read.

Pad, she did and we also send workbooks and puzzle books with him. He had opportunity to work on other things. He told me, "I didn't want to do it."


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David M. Katz


Marshall
As most probably know, this is an account of our son, Nathaniel.

He served his detention today.

Anne and I were also able to get a conference to discuss ideas and strategies.

The teacher, guidance counselor and assistant principal attended the conference. I did suggest during our conference that the detention be made very unpleasant. Normally the kids have to sit quietly in a room and read or work on homework for an hour. Honestly, he comes home and does homework right away as it is. (His choice.) So I still wanted him to feel the time lost. We agreed he would spend the hour with the janitorial crew. (I had to do that several times when I was in school.)

Also, he normally rides the bus home but Anne had to go pick him up today. We charged him five dollars for the ride - just to make a point.

He came in a very unhappy boy after spending an hour emptying trash cans and then he still had to do his homework. We also made sure we collected the car fare first thing when he hit the door. (He has a nice savings of allowance stashed in his room.)

This detention definitely became a BIG DEAL to him.

He was NOT happy with me for getting his detention altered and, in my opinion, crossed the line into disrespect. We have agreed to discuss that after dinner.

The conference was productive. We all discussed ways to better challenge him and keep him interested. We have also devised a rewards system for him doing the extra work and puzzles instead of talking and disrupting. However, if he has the issue again, the school has agreed to call me or Anne.

He knows his punishment will then be an evening secluded to the guest room. Any further issue beyond that and it goes to the principal and the paddle comes out. And, as much as I typically do not care for double jeopardy, should he be paddled for this, he will then earn another evening of seclusion.

Hopefully the issue is solved. The only thing still on the table s addressing his attitude with me this afternoon. We are both taking some space before that discussion occurs. Just due to several issues of this that I have let slide, as it stands now, he will probably not escape a spanking. But, the spanking is for the attitude and not the issue at school. However, I will hear him out before I consider spanking him..


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David M. Katz


Marshall
I don't want to belabor a lot of points.

Nathaniel got spanked.

It was a long discussion and I let him talk. He did agree that he was speaking disrespectfully to Anne and me as of late. I assured him it was OK to be mad and angry but he had over stepped the line on some occasions lately.

Jack has been working with me to help Nathaniel take more ownership of the spanking process. Part of that is that Nathaniel has to give input on the implement and number of licks. Nathaniel and I settled on three implements to choose from: a sturdy 18 inch ruler, the rubber spatula and, surprisingly, the belt.

Nathaniel has always voiced a fear of the belt but I had much success with it with his older brothers. I also know some do not like to use it but I find I can control the belt and use it safely. When Nathaniel decided on the inclusion of the belt he resigned himself to it and said, "I don't guess I'm supposed to like it."

I had wanted to push Nathaniel in the direction of the belt this evening. It isn't that this spanking needed to be severe but I wanted him to get the mystery over with. He and I agreed on two with the belt on the bare.

He did well preparing himself and getting in position although he was obviously scared and was already crying. I made it quick. The entire spanking may have taken 20 seconds. I gave the first moderately across the middle and the last was hard and across the sit spots. I was startled when that one brought out a loud yelp. He had a good cry and I left him to compose himself as is our practice. He came out soon for his hugs and post-spanking talk. I even got an apology. I think I have my respectful boy back, at least for a while.

BTW, he said the belt was pretty bad but not as bad as he thought.


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John Boy


Sherrif
Well Nicky, when I will tell you the line I had to write for detention when I was your age. "Detentions are not fun, and I will try not to get another one." I think he can write that 100 times and see if it is still no big deal.


P.S. I didn't get it for talking. I got it for tardies to homeroom.

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Stone Man


Marshall
Thanks much for filling in the details, Katz.

It was fun being a kid, fun being a parent of kids and a Grampa to (so far) to grandsons. Life hasn't changed much over the years, I've just taken on new roles.

I enjoy reading about Nathaniel allowing me to reflect on how little growing up has changed. Smile

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Glad to hear he handled it ok. Does he view it as enough of a 'threat' as to be a deterrent?

Jack


Admin
David M. Katz wrote:I also know some do not like to use it but I find I can control the belt and use it safely.

If you're talking about me there, my main reason for disliking the belt is that my father and step-father both used it, and both used it too freely. The control issue was really beside the point (for me), though I do like my nice, small paddles much better.

That might be the fetish talking, though.

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JTT


Cowboy
Well since he doesn't think detention is a big deal or a good punishment he will get spanked to drive the message to his brain. There is a time and place for catching up with his little buddies and the middle of a lesson isn't the right time.

Hopefully after his bare bottom is warmed up he will save the chit chat for the playground! Twisted Evil

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