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BONUS BOTD 2/16/13 "Do You Offer An Alternate Punishment?" DMK bonus

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David M. Katz


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Your twelve year old son, Newt, has had an ongoing issue of being talkative in class to the point of it being excessive and disruptive. He was getting warnings from the teacher. He then was assigned writing lines. On a subsequent issue, he was given detention. You met with the school and it was agreed if the problem persisted, the school would call you and let you try your hand at getting the point to Newt. You and your spouse met with Newt and all agreed if the school called that he would be given an evening's seclusion to the guest room.

Newt - 12
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Today is the Friday before a long holiday weekend and the school has called and Newt's issue has occurred again. Newt was sent to the office for excessive talking and disrupting class. The problem is you know Newt has big plans for the evening. He has been invited to a friend's house with some other friends for a sleepover. Then, the next day all of the boys are coming to your house to have a sleepover with Newt. Newt and his friends have been planning this event for a few weeks and all are excited. If you have Newt serve the agreed seclusion, he will miss the first night of the big holiday plans. It will not only impact Newt but is it fair to the other boys?

When Newt gets in from school do you offer an alternate punishment?

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


If Newt begs for an alternative punishment, we'll talk.

I'm not going to offer. If he just goes to his room and serves his seclusion, so be it.

Hopefully, seclusion and the (inadvertent) loss of his first night's sleepover will send a sufficient message that we won't have a recurrence.

I think it IS fair to the other boys--they can still enjoy their plans, sans Newt. It would become an issue had it involved concert tickets or some other cash outlay. It isn't a bad thing for all of them to learn, relatively painlessly, that personal actions can affect others as well.

Last edited by AFinch on Sat Feb 16, 2013 5:19 pm; edited 1 time in total


I am assuming Newts school don't paddle. I will consider any alternative may wish to ask for though postponing punishment for a more convenient day will not be up for discussion. Whichever , Newt will feel well punished whether he is restricted as suggested or by any possible alternative he may come up with. If he asks for spanking it will be the belt to make clear that repeated infractions are not acceptable. But it will be down to Newt to ask as Kier says


I don't think I would have gone with seclusion for something like talking in class. Since I did, I think I'm going to enforce it. As much as the boys believe otherwise, a sleepover isn't that big a deal, like missing a once a year activity, and the other boys will probably live without him. As a matter of fact, since he knew the consequence ahead of time, it probably makes it more real to him.


Depending on how upset Newt is about missing the sleepover (and how fed up I'm with his troubles at school), I might offer an alternative punishment.

By the way, I need to take this as a lesson not to tie my hands in this manner.


The "extended time out" is appropriate to the offense as this is an ongoing issue that Nate Newt seems unwilling or unable to control. Missing a much anticipated sleepover may be enough of a consequence to make him stop and think.

Downside is I'm the bad guy playing jailer. I hate that almost more than he hates being in 'jail'. I will offer the alternative with the understanding that it's going to be a bit of a barnburner in order to sent the message I believe he needs to receive.


Though I think school problems should be dealt with at school the consequence was set and clear. Maybe he really needs a sharp wake up call.

John Boy

I say it all depends on his attitude and we will talk before I confirm or deny any punishment. However, I strongly feel that this would be a double benefit. Not only would he have to learn his lesson, he can see how actions can effect others as well.


He knows he has a problem..
He knows he has to learn to control it.
He knows that until he does there will be consequences.

Today he as failed to control it and therefore the specified consequences result.

The fact those consequences impact more than on another day are to me irrelevant. To him, they may help bring home the effects of his actions.

David M. Katz

The first thing I am going to do is assume the worst and send out an email to some friends asking for advice. Very Happy Very Happy

When I was first called I was told he was disrupting class and he had also been disrespectful to a substitute teacher. I since found out both confirmed by Nathaniel and the Assistant Principal that the "disrespect" was asking the substitute politely to not say "shut up " to him. I let that pass.

Nathaniel walked in the door and said, "I know you got called."

I said, "Yes, I would like to talk about that."

He answered, "I know I can't go tonight." He said he has already told his friends that he was in trouble and could not make the sleepover. He started crying a bit and asked if we could talk later. He went and changed his clothes and went straight to the guest room without having to be told.

I let him settle for about an hour and I went in to talk. He did admit to talking and talking and said he had been asked to be quiet but he did not like dong the worksheet the sub gave because it was just "busy work." He said the sub looked at him and told him to "shut up." He said he asked her not to say that to him. He was sent to the office and I was called. I had asked the school to try giving us a call if there was a repeat issue. So, they were just doing as Anne and I had asked. The next step for him at school will be the paddle. He already knew that we had discussed how he would be punished and he knew when I was called what would happen so he just told his friends he couldn't make it.

It was basically an uneventful night. He verbalized being bored and not liking the seclusion but he handled it well and I think it may have made the point. I am hoping.

I was the one making a big issue out of the matter - he accepted the agreed upon punishment..

The friends came over at lunch yesterday and all was good. They had fun and I still have two of them here today. I also think Nathaniel may have learned a lesson in the process; I know I certainly did.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


You'll never stop learning. I hope Nate will learn from it.

And for you, try not worring so much, from the little climpse of insight I have you're doing great as parents.


Sorry Buddy, Punishment Sticks.

Stone Man

Newt missing the first night with his friends will not ruin the time for them. Once Newt is finished with his punishment he will be able to have his friends over and continue the weekend as planned.

He will learn, I hope, a valuable lesson.

As it appears he has.

14 Do you offer an alternate on Tue Mar 05, 2013 6:27 pm


I don't agree with being sent to a spare room for punishsment. I am a bite old fashion. After the first time I will tell hem if it happen again I would give hem a bare bottom spanking he wouldn't forget for a long time. affraid Evil or Very Mad confused affraid

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