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BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red?

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1 BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:02 am

Jack


Admin
You arrived home early for work today. You'd cleaned up, changed clothes, and settled in to watch some television, when your son, Kevin came in.

He was obviously a bit surprised to find you there.

12-Year Old Kevin, Just Arriving Home From School
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His feet jump to your attention.

"Are those the hundred dollar sneakers that I didn't buy for you, and told you not to buy?"

Kevin admits that they are. However, he also claims you didn't forbid him to buy them - you told him he couldn't take money out of his savings account for them. And he did buy them - he still has the receipt.

Upon questioning, he had a bit of Christmas money left, he'd saved the last couple of weeks allowance, and had done some extra chores for you, your wife, and his grandparents, and had finally sold a few of his rarer collectible cards to come up with the money.

You are absolutely, positively, (95%) positive you told him he could NOT have those shoes, not just not to take the money out of his savings account, because it's silly to spend $100 on shoes he'll outgrow in six months. You're also wondering about the extra money you'd given him to go to the movie last weekend when he was moping about being broke.

So, are the shoes going to be Kevin's only red this afternoon?

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2 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:24 am

David M. Katz


Marshall
A few clarifications are needed. When did he buy the shoes? Did he skip school or sneak out to buy them? This is my bigger issue.

OK, have I never spent money frivolously? I am not totally sure I forbid the shoes. Kevin wanted the shoes and he showed he could work for and save his money (outside of his savings account) and be creative to get them. He obviously earned the money or got it from other legitimate means. Yes, I am trying to teach him to properly manage his money but sometimes we learn from our mistakes.

As long as his trip to purchase the shoes was done "legally" then he escapes punishment. I can use this as a teaching moment but why am I not proud that he "earned" the shoes for himself?

As far as last weekend's movie. In his mind, he was broke. OK, he probably had the money but he had it set aside for a purpose so therefore he felt he had no money. I see a chance to have another teaching moment here and I might consider assigning a couple of token chores to drive home the point.

If I just can't get over the purchase of the shoes then they appear still new and he has the receipt, we will just return them.

(If I decide on a couple of chores for the movie money then one of them can be to replace the missing switch cover on that light switch next to the door behind him.)


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3 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:34 am

ivor


Marshall
I'm afraid I'm too old to get my head round the idea of 12 year old kids having $100 sneakers whether they be bought for them or self bought - unless perhaps as presents for Birthday. But even then for something that will be discarded in a short time it seems a terrible waste.

I suspect he has got away with buying them on this occasion. Hopefully when he can no longer fit into them in a few months he may consider them to have been a waste of his money, but I suspect this could be the start of a teenage trend. Sad

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4 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:37 am

John Boy


Sherrif
Depending on attitude, will depend on how I react. If he listens to what I have to say, I will let his punishment be he is out $100 when he outgrows them soon, and he is paying for his next pair of shoes as well. If he gives me the attitude some boys his age posses, then he will be getting paddled.

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5 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 6:50 am

MemoryMan


Sherrif
It seems clear Kevin absolutely wanted those quality fashion sneakers.

I'm not sure I absolutely forbade them.

He worked to get them and his savings are still intact.

It a pretty sound bet that as a consequence he'll take pride in them, look after them well and end up being astounded that they don't wear any better than others without a fashion label.

A lesson in life for him and possibly/hopefully a future money saver.

Anyway he's saved me the cost of a pair of cheapskate alternatives.

End of story.

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6 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:15 am

Padraig


Trailboss
I shouldn't care about growing out of them. What kids sneekers will last six months anyway? Mine certainly didn't at his age.

How would I have reacted to a video game he might have bought, one he could play for a few weeks and then it would be forgotten?

No, after he took the garbage bag out I will tell him that I want him to clear such purchase with me in advance, maybe some stingers but even more tickling and cuddling.

7 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 7:18 am

JTT


Cowboy
The only thing that is going to be red are his shoes. He worked hard for his money and saved for them, a pair of shoes is better then a video game or something. Besides Like Padraig said, if they last a whole six months I will be impressed.

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8 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:02 am

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I wouldn't have forbidden him the purchase in the first place, unless it was for concerns over his safety. (In the past, some kids have been killed for expensive sneakers.) I have no issue with encouraging or even requiring him to put some of his money in a savings account, but requiring my approval for every purchase he makes with the remaining money is over-controlling. I don't begrudge him the money for the movie. If I can consider his savings account off limits, I can't reasonably object to his considering his fund for the sneakers as off limits.

He may regret the purchase later, but adults also suffer buyers' remorse. Right now I'm going to congratulate him for saving his money to buy something he really wanted.

Kat

9 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 8:34 am

1strappedboy


Sherrif
I'm not bucking the trend here. I'll congratulate him on being industrious enough to have earn the money and let this be a teachable moment. He can learn for himself that the shoes won't hold up better than the less expensive kicks and perhaps money will be better spent in the future.

10 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 10:38 am

StevieWeeks


Trailboss
I'm not going to chastise Kevin when I'm guilty of an even greater sin...

I need to put a cover plate on those light switches as soon as possible before one of my kids gets a serious shock while operating them. The plate costs less than a dollar and is very easy to install...

Stevie.

11 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 11:27 am

kalico


Sherrif
Embarassed I cannot punish for something I myself had done as a young teen.......


except for me it was the sparkle jeans that were a hundred bucks in the early to mid 80's, My brother/dad would not buy them (even though he could). generaly if it was something we wanted and it wasnt close to a holiday he would make a deal with us and we would work extra for half the money and he would pay the other.... Sad but not my jeans I had to fork over all the money.

so yes he will learn about out growing and wasteing a $100 just like I did..... Sad



hugs kal

12 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 2:16 pm

squarecutter


Sherrif
Not sure it his face that shouldn't be red for wearing those! Embarassed But then I'm the Dad so I know nothing about youth fashion. I'm a little unhappy about stunping up for the cinema when I can now see that he wasn't quite as broke as he was making out. Lesson learned there kiddo. No I would be less pleased if what was bought was indecent or violent video gam or a cd from one of those neo homicidal rap artists. But no, these shoes are Kevins foible and he can stand or die by his decision.

13 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 3:02 pm

Jack


Admin
I'm surprised no one asked how long he's had the shoes. David did touch on it by asking if he made a 'legal' trip to buy them. My actual intention is that he's had the shoes for a bit now, and has been wearing them to school, then coming home and changing, though I didn't make that very clear.

I would explain to Kevin why I was against him buying the shoes, but I'm not going to punish him for doing it, unless it comes out that there was a lot of deceit involved. I do feel like he has deceived me some (if I didn't completely forbid him buying the shoes, why didn't he let me know when he went to the mall and/or show them to me), so I am going to sit down with him and decide on a minor punishment, though it might just be having him do chores to pay off the shoes I did buy him, that he's now not wearing. I might not even do that, since I want him to understand that he was wrong not to talk to me, but also to feel like he CAN talk to me.

http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

14 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Mon Mar 04, 2013 4:07 pm

David M. Katz


Marshall
Jack wrote: though it might just be having him do chores to pay off the shoes I did buy him, that he's now not wearing.

Can he fix the light switch and get rid of the hanger and the plastic bags? Razz Razz Twisted Evil Very Happy


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15 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Tue Mar 05, 2013 7:32 am

Stone Man


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote:I'm not bucking the trend here. I'll congratulate him on being industrious enough to have earn the money and let this be a teachable moment. He can learn for himself that the shoes won't hold up better than the less expensive kicks and perhaps money will be better spent in the future.


Yup.

My son and I are likely guilty of selective hearing and/or selective memory, each of us hearing/remembering only the detail which support our personal POV thus following the letter rather than the spirit of what was said.

16 Re: BOTD 3-4-13: What Should Be Red? on Tue Mar 05, 2013 12:09 pm

Iconoclast


Trailboss
My son has blown his money on something really overpriced, but it is his money. $100 would have bought some firearms and been a good down payment on others, and he would still have had them when he was 70, instead of waring out in 6 months or a year!

Iconoclast

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