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BOTD 3/5/13 "A Bad Day Gets Worse" A MM Production

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David M. Katz

A Bad Day Gets Worse

A Memory Man Production

Your 12yo son Darren is a pleasant open polite and generally well behaved kid. Spanking works with him when he steps out of line but you only need to do it two or three times a year.

Today when you come home from work your wife tells you Darren came home from school in a foul mood, he refused to tell her why when she asked him and when she pushed a bit harder he mouthed off at her with language that is NEVER heard in your house. She has banished him to the guest room away from his electronics to await your return.

When you go up to see him you see Darren's school books on the table, homework apparently done. His pants and underpants are already on the floor beside it and Darren (who has obviously been crying) is sitting reading quietly.

Darren - 12
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On your entry he stands up and the tears well up again. "I'm really sorry dad. I've had a pig of a day at school and I got paddled unfairly but I should never have blown off at Mom like that. I know I deserve it so let's just get it over with."

Now What?

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

John Boy

We can discuss what happened at school. I will inspect the damage, and then we will talk and then "talk" about what he said to Mom.


We will talk. I will listen and inspect the damage, if any.

Darren has already expressed remorse and he's already been paddled unfairly once today. I'm going to ask him if he thinks he needs (as opposed to deserves) a spanking for his language to his mother. Unless he does, I'm going to suggest he go apologize to her, and watch his mouth in future.


Editor Extraordinaire
If only adults would respect kids enough to give them space when they need it. She didn't intend to, but his mom made Darren's bad day worse. It shouldn't be that hard to read cues and back off until a person is ready to talk.

It appears Darren is now ready to talk, so I'll listen after he dresses. If necessary, I'll follow up with the school. If he'd rather I not intervene, I won't. Sometimes it's better to accept an unfair punishment and move on. He can apologize to his mom, which I'm sure he'll now be able to do with sincerity. For the rest of the night, he gets some TLC.



We will talk a bit more about what happened at school and at home and after that I will ask him if he thinks he needs a spanking.


I think its time for an arm on the shoulder rather than summary justice. I'm going to get him to take me through what happened at school.Unless I think there has been a genuine injustice I will leave things there. I am going then to ask Darren how he could handled things differently when he got home as it i obvious he realises his mum didn't deserve his tirade. What I think Darren needs to do is to make a full and sincere apology to his Mum, have dinner, a bath and an early night. I think it will be kicking a dog when he's down to give him a second whacking when its clear he is already sorry for what happened

David M. Katz

Kat's response and Squarecutter's response got together and had a baby response. That baby response is my response!!!

DITTO Square

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


Everybody has a bad day once in a while. Darren is getting a pass tonight and after he smooths things over with his mom he can relax and have an early bedtime. As far as the paddling he got at school I am sure it was deserved, and we will talk about it but I'm pretty sure the matter is finished.

Stone Man

I'm going to start by giving my boy a much needed hug. Following that, I will ask to see the damages and after which I will suggest he pull some clothing on and go apologize to his Mom.

I sure Mom will be sympathetic towards him.

Then it will be time for a round table discussion to begin to get the details from his POV and see if we parents need to follow up with the school.

Anyone can have a bad day and not handle things well. No more punishment for Darren... just more hugs.


JTT wrote:Everybody has a bad day once in a while. Darren is getting a pass tonight and after he smooths things over with his mom he can relax and have an early bedtime. As far as the paddling he got at school I am sure it was deserved, and we will talk about it but I'm pretty sure the matter is finished.

See, I'm not sure the paddling was deserved. Most kids wouldn't be that upset and adamant that the paddling wasn't deserved if it really was. No spanking, he can apologize after I read my spouse the riot act. Our kids learn their views on respect from their parents, and if we don't show them respect we can't expect them to show it to anyone else.


Reckon I do need to know the details of why Darren considered the school paddling to be unfair, but as he seems to have a well developed sense of what is right and wrong I suspect I am going to agree with him.

If so he is going to get a pass once he has put his pants and underwear back on and gone and apologises to his mom - unless he considers he needs a spanking still to clean his slate. But even if he does it isn't going to be much of a one.


I'm going to kneel so we are the same level, hold him, and tell him.

"Son, we all have days like that, days when we just want to vent off at the first person who crosses our path. The trick is to learn to bite it back. So how about you pull those pants back on and then we'll sit and you can tell me all about your day so that I can go and get your mother smoothed over before you apologise for those words?"


Aw, poor guy!!

We'll talk first. The 'paddled unfairly' question has to be addressed first.

If it was unfair, then I will deal with that at the school level and he can apologize to mom and we'll likely move on as he has "paid for his crime".

If it was 'unfair' from a a kid's POV, ie really earned but teacher shouldn't have 'over reacted' etc....

Good thing those pants are down, Dar. You got in trouble at school and were foul mouthed to mom. You know what is due here and you will receive it in spades!


This is one of those things that bothers me. How does my wife react when she tells me something and I 'push a bit harder'?

I'm going to talk to Darren about what went wrong with his day, and why he got paddled unfairly. I'm especially going to talk to him on that point, because my kids know to refuse unfair paddlings and call me. I'll pull my kid out of school before I let some teacher take their bad mood out on my child.

Assuming I agree with Darren about the paddling being unfair, I'm going to put him over my lap for a quick inspection and a couple of pats, then point out that he's already had a punishment today, so we can just reapply it to his mouth. We'll also talk about ways to deal with people (and ourselves) when they keep pushing and we feel like blowing up. After that, maybe he and I can go outside for a catch of spend a bit of time on the PS3.


JTT wrote:As far as the paddling he got at school I am sure it was deserved,

I've said this before, and I'm sure I'll say it again: the times I'd probably earned paddling, I was let off, the times I was paddled, I never deserved. I think there are times that a paddling is called for (and I gave my fair share while I was teaching), but I think there are teachers who will take their bad mood out on kids, whether they mean to or not.

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