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BOTD 3/11/13 "JEREMY'S PROBLEM" A Jack Production

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David M. Katz


A Jack Wells Production

Your fourteen-year old son, Jeremy, has always been a bit of a loner. That's not to say he doesn't have any friends - he actually has a fairly sizable group. It's more that he seems to need and prefer a certain amount of time by himself. He's also not into team sports at all. While he'll play Horse or Stick Ball with his friends, when it comes to 'real' sports, he prefers running, biking, swimming, Kendo, and Akido. He's serious about all of those, and has even mentioned wanting to try out for the Olympic Triathalon team for 2016.

Jeremy is a quiet and normally well-behaved kid, but he is still a kid, and you've found it necessary to correct him from time to time. Basically anything works, but you've found corporal punishment best, since it's over quickly and allows you both to move on. You've always punished his bare bottom, though what you've used has changed over the years. Jeremy is definitely not a fan of being spanked (except as opposed to being grounded), and he begs and pleads when he's about to get it, but once it's over, he's almost always ready to apologize and make up with you.

This week is spring break. You couldn't afford a ski trip, and none of you wanted to mess with the crowds on the beaches. A friend offered to let you make use of his lakeside cabin. You've had a good time, but Jeremy has been a bit more quiet than normal - almost withdrawn at times.

This evening, after dinner, Jeremy disappeared. When you went outside, you saw him sitting on the dock.

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You go over and ask him how he's doing, and if he'd like to talk.

He nods, but then is quiet for a few minutes. You give him time to gather his thoughts.

"Did you bring the paddle?" he finally asks.

"I didn't think we'd need it, champ."

That's the literal truth, since you haven't punished Jeremy since before Halloween, when he was still thirteen.

After a moment, you give him a verbal prod.

"Is there something you wanted to tell me."

"I'm gay. I didn't say anything for a while, because I wasn't really sure, but now I have a boy friend. The thing is, I've been spending a lot of time with him, but I didn't know how to tell you, so I was lying about where I've been going. And I mean a lot. Sometimes I'd tell you like, I was going to the library, and I really would, but it would be to meet him. Other times, I'd just totally lie and go to his house."

"I know I deserve to be punished," he continues, "but please don't ground me. I already miss Dwight so much, just these few days. I know I'm too old now, but couldn't you please just whup me?"

Could you?

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


Aw Gods!!! How could I possibly whup you, Jer?

This is another of those hugs moments.

"I know I'm pretty conventional and conservative (old school) but I've never given off a vibe that I'm anti-gay. I'd think you'd know better than to feel a need to sneak about it. You're always my boy and there's nothing that could cause me to love you less. I know you're 14 and a knucklehead just by being 14, but I wish you'd think things through a bit more!

While you do deserve something for the dishonesty (I'd probably apply a couple low velocity stingoors just because Razz ) the obvious aginizing about this serves as sufficient punishment in my book. Too bad you weren't honest about it; you could have invited Dwight to accomany us! Think about that in the future, son!"


Ditto Dimitri. I'm only upset that Jeremy felt he had to keep his real identity from ME.

"You say that it's unnatural.
What exactly does that mean?

The only thing unnatural
Is to keep your feelings in.
And lying to yourself must
Be by far the greatest sin."

Lots of hugs, no punishment. And a reminder he can always come to me about ANYTHING. He doesn't EVER need to sneak around.


Though I will be shocked quite a bit his only punishment will be to stay in my arms untill I release him.

Im not shocked because he thinks he's gay but because he thinks he had to hide it. Shame on me.

But to be real and tell the truth - did I really give him the impression I would understand if... ?

Stone Man

Little to dispute with you guys. I hope I can stem most of my tears as I hug my boy.

Dimitri... I love your answer....

All of it... except the stingoors would be high velocity which is the only way I ever got them or gave/give them. Razz They ARE supposed to sting afterall. What a Face

David M. Katz

Padraig wrote:Though I will be shocked quite a bit his only punishment will be to stay in my arms untill I release him.

Im not shocked because he thinks he's gay but because he thinks he had to hide it. Shame on me.

But to be real and tell the truth - did I really give him the impression I would understand if... ?

I agree. No spanking. Looks like I need to work on my relationship with my son.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.

John Boy

I think he gets a free pass. I will give him hugs, and we will talk as long as we need. If it is more a guilt thing over lying maybe a mild spanking will help, but I am not going to push it on him.


Editor Extraordinaire
I agree with everyone else that there is no spanking coming. I find it easy to understand why Jeremy wasn't ready to confide about being gay. As he said to me, he wasn't sure at first about his own feelings. And even when parents are loving and supportive -- even when they have never shown any anti-gay bias or used an anti-gay epithet in front of their children -- kids can't help but see that there is still a great deal of misunderstanding, fear and downright hostility towards gays, lesbians, bisexuals and transsexuals in our culture. Some of it is deeply rooted in religion, and in a family that practices a religion that condemns homosexuality, there must be some uncertainty about the parents' reaction. If religion isn't an issue, then perhaps a child fears disappointing hopes that parents have expressed about that child's future. Coming out to anyone is always a risk; coming out to a parent is perhaps the riskiest of all. I'm glad he was able to do it this early and with such honesty.



Concur with everybody here. This is a time to bond. You still should take a candid interest, as you would normally, in his curfew, and time away from study/chores/commitments for whatever dating he's going to do. You need to find out more about Dwight and make sure this is a good influence and that, if the breakup comes, you can arrange a soft landing.

This is an opportunity to be a true father, and it'll take a light touch. No punishment, not now.


Kat's so right re the religious angle. I could see Jeremy being concerned in a strict Orthodox home such as ours, but even at that, I find it hard to swallow that he'd think I'd paddle him for his orientation.

I'd like to believe that he knows I'd support him in any way I could. Even if he feels he somehow 'deserves' punishment, this isn't a father's perogative. If a punishment is to be assessed beyond me that's not my issue: I'll love and support my son.


I hope I can hide any disappoitment I might feel at his announcement, especially if he is my only child.

It is also going to be rather a contradiction that while I am not going to spank him now, I almost certainly would have done had I caught him out in one of his lies in recent months as I'm sure he woudn't have told me the whole truth back then


1strappedboy wrote:Kat's so right re the religious angle. I could see Jeremy being concerned in a strict Orthodox home such as ours, but even at that, I find it hard to swallow that he'd think I'd paddle him for his orientation.

This seems to be what everyone's thinking, but the way it seems to me (the way I wrote it), is that Jeremy thinks he needs to be punished for his lying and sneaking.

I think Kat has it exactly right. It's not that Jeremy necessarily thought I'd react badly, so much as he just didn't know how (or maybe when) to say it. And once he started sneaking around, there was probably a certain enjoyment just of the secret and the sneaking, up until he started feeling guilty about it.

I am willing to spank here, depending on Jeremy. We're going to have a talk about it, and I'm going to point out a couple of things - like he's had other friends in the past he spent a lot of time with, and he never needed to sneak with them. I want to meet Dwight and get to know him, just like I would (have) if he had a girl friend or if Dwight was dating my little sister. For now, we're going to deal with the fact that Dwight is obviously feeling pretty guilty. I'm going to let him know that I love him and support him, and also that I understand. Then I'm going to lay out a selection of (relatively mild) punishments, probably ranging from a few days without video games, some extra chores, or CP. Since he's gay, bare bottomed punishment might not be appropriate anymore (interesting question - would it really change anything?), so I'll suggest a thorough hand spanking over his boxers might be about right.


I could paddle him for not being where he said he was but I'm not sure what it would accomplish. I also appreciate Jeremy had the courage to tell me about it. My worry is that Jeremy is at an age where boys do experience confusion and do experiment with their sexuality. Does he really know. It is not that I would regard him differently only that it seems to early to commit himself to a particular path and the same would go for his boyfriend. I hope he will use condoms and will hope he can avoid the life of touring gay haunts and promiscuity which to me carry so many dangers. As in any undertaking or relationship, I hope he will take it very slowly.
He is still a boy. I won't try to drive this underground but I will act if this gets between him and his family or starts affecting his performance at school


I'm going to tell Jeremy that he certainly does deserve a whupping for his deceit but now that he's explained the reason I am going to forgive him; then I'll follow it up by thanking him for opening up to me about it.

I will reassure him that there is nothing shameful about being gay. Gays are a minority group who are simply following their natural inclinations and that being regarded as sinners by some bigoted groups is just unfortunate.

I will explain to him that Love, when it truly exists, can be a wonderful enhancement to life. The emotion, whether it is between same sex or opposite sex couples can have a number of roots; that it is often a deep consuming relationship arising from discovery of similar outlooks and interests also that it is frequently, but not inevitably, accompanied by sexual attraction.

After telling him that his friend Dwight will be welcome at our house any time I will invite him to share his inner feelings with me but I wont push it at this stage or turn it into an interrogation. I will tell him that what he has just told me doesn't in any way change my love for him and that any time he would like to talk I will be there for him; perhaps just to listen, perhaps to help if required, but most certainly not to judge.

Then I'll give him a hug.

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