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BOTD: 4-4-13: Cody's Detention Dilemna: a John Boy Production

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Jack


Admin
CODY'S DETENTION DILEMMA
A JohnBoy Production


You have two sons. Cody is twelve and Rex is eight. Cody attends the local middle school and Rex is still at the elementary school. Both boys know and understand that you have a trouble at school means trouble at home rule.

Cody is typically a well behaved boy and has never been in trouble at school. Rex? Not so much. Your spouse drops the boys off at their respective schools each morning as he/she heads in to work. Rex is dropped off first and Cody next as that is the route that makes the most sense. Rex is hard to get up and to motivate in the morning and is often late causing others to be late.


CODY - 12
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REX - 8
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This morning Rex was running late again. Because of this, Cody has now been tardy to school five times. Five tardies is an automatic detention. Cody comes home and gives you the detention slip to sign and bursts into tears.

What is your response?

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Jack


Admin
I don't have an automatic problem with enhancing punishment at home with punishment at school, but justice without mercy isn't justice.

I'm going to explain to Cody that the policy is, 'if you cause trouble at school, you get in trouble at home.'

I honestly have a bit of trouble with the school's policy. Unless we're close enough for Cody to walk, these should be excused, and they're certainly not his fault. A detention won't kill him, but refer to my first paragraph.

I also have a problem with Rex, and I should have had a talk with him long before it reached this point. I'm not going to have Cody sit quietly by, while I call Rex in and explain that Cody got in trouble for being late to school again. However, Cody wasn't the one running late, so it's not fair that he gets spanked for it. Our rule requires that someone be spanked, so I'm going to ask Rex who deserves a spanking for making Cody late.

Unless I have talked to Rex about this before, I won't actually spank him, but I want him to see how his behavior effects others, and how it could come back on him. I'm more than willing to help him find ways to get up and moving quicker in the morning. I'd prefer they be positive ways, but it a sore bottom's what it takes, we can manage that.

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Poor kid! I could see this happening at my childhood home, but....

This would never happen at my house. Lyn and I DO have a trouble@school=trouble@home policy, but the rules of common sense apply.

First and foremost I reassure Cody that there will be NO punishment for him in this because it WASN'T HIS FAULT!!!!

Next, #2 son and I are going to have a serious chat about how his habits affect others in our household. Said chat may or may not be enhanced by my hand upon his rear; attitude will determine that.

Finally, I will have a chat with the school and try to get the DT rescinded. Hopefully the issuing party (teacher or principal) can engage a modicum of common sense here as really Cody is an innocent here and punishment is manifestly unjust.

Stone Man


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote: ...but the rules of common sense apply.

Now I need to get the school administration to try the same thing.

Cody will be assured that HE is not in trouble at home and that I will try to work something out at his school.

It would have been nice to have been notified that Cody was being given tardies all these days, because had I know I would have stepped in to get Rex motivated to rise and shine. I see this as a Rex issue and need to work on a solution with him. (Read that "do what Jack does with his boys" about bed times and getting going in the morning.

I like the idea of as least threatening Rex with having to take Cody's punishment since he was the cause.

AFinch


Sherrif
I agree with everyone else.

No punishment from me for Cody, and an attempt to get his school punishment rescinded via a parental note.

John Boy


Sherrif
I may or may not tell where this story comes from.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

ivor


Marshall
Sorry folks but I don't see why Cody's school should be asked/expected to rescind his detention. He was late five times. The reason why is irrelevant.

If he'd had any sense he could have told me of the potential problem once he got to #3 let alone #4 so pressure could have been applied to Rex in order to stir his backside from his bed earler.

Cody can serve his detention and Rex can do at least an equivalent at home.



Last edited by ivor on Thu Apr 04, 2013 5:26 am; edited 1 time in total

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Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
I'm going to whack them.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Ivor does have a bit of a point here regarding Cody's silence on accumulating demerits. He could have spoken up earlier at our house and had this matter addressed.

I'm wondering really why he hasn't done so. Is he afraid to let me know about potential trouble for fear of punishment for that? (am I a mean spirited sod like MY stepfather?) if this is the case, I can see how the whole thing came to be and I'm unlikely to do anything else than punish him.

Too bad. I'm cheating myself and my boy of opportunities to bond; he'll continue to fear me and I'll be there always to come down on him.

I'll wonder why he leaves at 18 and never looks back.

Stone Man


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote:Ivor does have a bit of a point here regarding Cody's silence on accumulating demerits. He could have spoken up earlier at our house and had this matter addressed.

But how many boys read the School Rules and even know that at five lates they will be assessed a detention?

One of many good things I can say about my school system is that calls are made to parents if a child is late and not accompanied by a responsible person or a note from same when they check in late.

At the high school level automated calls are made for lates to any classes as well.

Since no such communication appears to have occurred in this instance, I would be contacting the school to explain my son's lates and ask for an acquittal.

Then I'm going to roast Rex's butt as he's caused me a LOT of extra work. Razz

squarecutter


Sherrif
First of all I am going to let Cody know he is not i nt trouble with me over THIS though I wish he had felt like he could say something earlier (more of that to come). It will be very hard to explain to Codys school how 5 tardys can all be someone elses fault. Now Rex. What are we doing as parents. Cody has it in his head that I am an ogre who will tan him at the drop of a hat while Rex clearly is getting away with murder. So I will show Rex Codys not and point out that really it was Cody being dilatory in the morning on each occasion that brought this on his brother so who should be getting punished?


On my friend Jacks advce Rex is going on a regime more suited to an 8 year old. Laissez faire is out. Tighter bed times, being got out of his bed and into the shower and checked up on when dressing. If he is the cause of Cody being late again Rex will be spanked so he will be getting the "trouble at home". Oh and Rex can come along for the ride when we fetch Cody after his detention so will lose a little of his leisure time too

As Said before Cody I think will have to suck up the detention and understand that trouble at home comes in many varieties. He needs to know that he can always talk to us and that it it is his (misplaced) guilt that got him his detention

John Boy


Sherrif
OK, I like the answers and I guess it is time for a little true response.
Spoiler:
I was 12 when something like this happened Brat would have been six I think. First off I did know that five tardies equaled a 45 min Administrative detention. Second the teacher never made a big commotion over attendance. I would have had to hear the tardy bell or been super late to really notice I was late. During my last class of the day they made announcements, and called me down to the office. I got called down for all sorts of things,IE change of ride plans, or something I forgot that was brought. I was completely blindsided on the detention.For the record whenever someone got called to the office the whole class would OOOHH. Rolling Eyes I went back and got a second round of that. Next I sat there looking at that slip and the dates it said and trying to remember how I could have been late that many times. Also for the record this is per Grading Quarter. Bell rings for study hall and I go and study that dang note some more. Part way through study hall that little promise from when I started Kindergarten popped into my head. I started to cry a little of the unknown (how would my parents react and what is or else). My study hall teacher (Also home room AKA the one who marked me as tardy) could see I was upset and let me play a game of connect four against her, I won (I think she let me win) As soon as I get in the car I let Mom know about the detention and mention it is for Tardies. She doesn't make a big deal out of it and Brat doesn't hear the conversation and doesn't comment.I stay in my room on my own choice until Dad comes home. I give him the detention notice and he goes "Administrative Detention Notice!" he had his voice raised and I did burst into to tears and ran back to my room. Mom did explain to him first I told them right away and second There was more to the tardies then what was on the paper. I didn't get in trouble at home though.

Ivor you are right though about having to serve the detention.
Spoiler:
I did serve the detention and as Nate Katz would say, "It was no big deal." It was boring and I had to write "Detentions are not fun and I will try not to get another one," the whole time. I get out and Mom and Brat are waiting in the van. I get in and Brat goes, "I need to get up so we can get to school on time, because it was boring without my play buddy." (Yes back then I played with him and we got along a little better.) I never did get another detention and we were much better at getting me to school on time. My teacher also gave me a heads up if I was starting to teeter on the Danger Zone.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Stoney asked "How many boys read the Student Handbook to even know how many tardies require the detention?"

I read that blasted thing cover to cover!! The LAST thing I wanted was trouble at school as you all know what that bought in OUR house so I had that puppy down pat! I knew EXACTLY how much I could get away with before it triggered trouble. I then proceeded to push that to the wall. Razz

Glad it worked out, JB.

Too bad you and little brother don't mix well. I always pressed my advantage of being the oldest (except for when I "was supposed to know better") and we were close enough in age that we were always together for everything. There's a gap of nearly 8 years between me and the youngest (sister), and while we're close it's not the same.

Good scenario, this!



Last edited by 1strappedboy on Thu Apr 04, 2013 11:25 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Afterthought)

Kittykat


Deputy
I couldn't punish for this, and I have to wonder how as a parent I myself didn't know the tardy rules? I think I'd go talk to the teacher myself, ask for a bit of leniency and explain the situation. If it didn't work, fine, but I'd at least try.

Also, I don't know about other places, but here the middle school kids leave before the elementary school kids so why wasn't my kid already gone? Here middle school starts at 7:15, elementary starts at 8.



Last edited by Kittykat on Thu Apr 04, 2013 1:43 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Added more)

John Boy


Sherrif
Kittykat wrote:

Also, I don't know about other places, but here the middle school kids leave before the elementary school kids so why wasn't my kid already gone? Here middle school starts at 7:15, elementary starts at 8.
My school was a Private school, that had the Elementary and High school at one campus and the Middles school about a block away. I can't remember the times but it was like Middle was 8:30 and Elementary started 8:45 could be wrong on the times. We don't have a bus for system for the Private school and it was not within walking distance. We had to drive there. My Brothers school was closer so he got dropped off first.

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Jack


Admin
To Ivor and Dmitri, as well as Stoney and everyone else.

I don't know about our John Boy in this situation, but isn't it possible that, because 'Mom' is the one who made him late, in conjunction with Rex, Cody thought there was no reason to mention it? Or maybe even that he thought he'd get yelled at if he pointed it out?

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Stone Man


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote: I knew EXACTLY how much I could get away with before it triggered trouble. I then proceeded to push that to the wall. Razz

I take back any sympathy I ever had for you! Razz Razz Razz

1strappedboy wrote:Good scenario, this!

YES!

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I can't add a lot to what has already been said. I've never attended or taught at a school where a parental note of explanation didn't excuse a morning tardy. If, however, parents don't bother with the note, the kid is the one who faces the disciplinary action. As the parent, I need to hustle Rex out of the house in good time and also make sure I'm writing the note when it is needed.

Kat

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Stone Man wrote:
1strappedboy wrote: I knew EXACTLY how much I could get away with before it triggered trouble. I then proceeded to push that to the wall. Razz

I take back any sympathy I ever had for you! Razz Razz Razz



Aw come on, Stoney!! I had to have some fun as a kid! No

BTW, Jack has a point here with mom being a possible factor in Cody's reluctance to complain. I really hadn't taken that into consideration.

Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
I'm going to divorce her.

Jack


Admin
In an interesting case of life imitating BOTD

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/6-old-student-gets-detention-parents-her-164442506.html?vp=1

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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
Jack wrote:In an interesting case of life imitating BOTD

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/6-old-student-gets-detention-parents-her-164442506.html?vp=1

This is the sort of policy that gives schools a bad name. I hope that the school administration falls under enough pressure to force a change in policy.

Kat

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Ho-lee batcrap how stupid are these schools? And in Texas no less?!?

Parents, please get to know what's going on in your schools and GET INVOLVED!!! You can make a real difference but only if you step up. Care enough about your kid be at your schoolboard meetings.

ivor


Marshall
Kat wrote:
Jack wrote:In an interesting case of life imitating BOTD

http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/6-old-student-gets-detention-parents-her-164442506.html?vp=1

This is the sort of policy that gives schools a bad name. I hope that the school administration falls under enough pressure to force a change in policy.

Kat

If the figures are to be believed, the policy seems to have been effective.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
ivor wrote:If the figures are to be believed, the policy seems to have been effective.

I expect it has been effective, as the guilt most parents would feel would encourage them to make great efforts to get their kids to school on time. But effectiveness is a limited justification for a policy that is unjust and unethical. I can't support any policy that deliberately targets innocent people for punishment, let alone one that targets children of 5 and 6.

Kat

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