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BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility?

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1 BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:16 pm

Jack


Admin
One of your sons, Barry, recently turned 16, and received his driver's license.

Last Friday night, Barry's older brothers were having female friends over. Since Barry is between close, female friends at this time, he decided it would be nice for him and his closest younger brothers, Johnny and Josh, to go see Oblivion. The twins, who adore Barry, and usually like Tom Cruise action movies, were happy to go with him.


Josh, Johnny, and a kneeling Barry
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

So, everything goes great until the boys get home after curfew. They don't have a good reason - basically they just didn't think to check the time before stopping for a snack and paying for the meal, and only then realizing they had to be home in two minutes. They also don't have a good excuse for not calling you, despite the fact that all three of them now have phones (and yes, you could have called them, except you were busy cleaning up from the previously mentioned party, and didn't actually realize they were late until they tried to sneak in).

There's no doubt that they're guilty. Usually, in this situation, you offer the over sixteen year olds a chance to lose their keys for an appropriate amount of time or to take swats - boxers or bare, depending on the situation, with the Lexan paddle - as an alternative. Are the twins also in trouble? Do they have the same choice, since they don't have keys, or will they have an alternate choice? Can Barry chose that option if he wishes?

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2 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:26 pm

David M. Katz


Marshall
All boys will be given options for punishment. They can each decide. I feel they will all take a paddlinig.


_________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
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3 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 6:45 pm

AFinch


Sherrif
All three have phones. Someone could have, and should have, called. It's only common courtesy.

I suspect that had they done so, you'd have told them to enjoy their meal.

The fact that Johnny and Josh don't have keys isn't an excuse for not calling.

Under the circumstances, I'm going to offer all three boys swats. If Barry is outraged by that proposal, he can instead lose his keys. I'd have taken the swats.

4 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 7:43 pm

1strappedboy


Sherrif
What Doc said! Saved some keystrokes, thanx.

5 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:09 pm

Stone Man


Marshall
All three are equally guilty in my view. All three can get the same punishment. Barry will keep his keys.

6 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 9:48 pm

kalico


Sherrif
What Kier said.......when they ever learn to JUST call, that is after all why we give them those phones... Rolling Eyes


hugs kal

7 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Sun Apr 21, 2013 10:49 pm

John Boy


Sherrif
They each deserve an option knowing how losing something of value I am sure swats will be taken. The older one can try the it was my idea, but if the twins insist they agreed to stop for food they get to share the wealth.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

8 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:24 am

ivor


Marshall
From what has been said it appears all are equally guilty and it is not just the fault of the driver.
leading the twins astray. In that case, swats for all.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

9 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 6:07 am

squarecutter


Sherrif
For the younger boys there is a choice between restrictions and swats. Barry is the eldest and the driver and could have vetoed the stop for food. Presumably the car has a clock on the dash as well so he can lose the keys or take swats. If he chooses swats he gets worse than his brothers

10 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 9:03 am

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
Swats all around.

Kat

11 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:36 pm

Iconoclast


Trailboss
Because I did not even miss the boys when they were late, and could have called if I had, and they were in a predictable location; no punishment other than a few words of warning.

Iconoclast

12 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 2:49 pm

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Boy Icono, where the hell were you when I was a kid?

I'm a bit pensive/reflective today but I look back on so many circumstances I faced as a youngster and see so much of the 'history of humanity' play out with my own kids and even these scenarios and think to myself how different one's outlook can be just by virtue of how we approach our interactions as sons and fathers/stepfathers.

I know for example that my adult kids certainly "get it" in terms of how I've raised them and deal with them as young adults. My kids who are still kids are getting the benefit of my personal growth in that regard and they know that they get away with rather more than their older brothers did. Thankfully there are no resentments on anyone's part.

13 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 3:04 pm

kalico


Sherrif
Dimitri wrote:
My kids who are still kids are getting the benefit of my personal growth in that regard and they know that they get away with rather more than their older brothers did. Thankfully there are no resentments on anyone's part.

I think thats just how life is...Im not sure if we are harder on the older ones because we were still young and remember how it was for us and we copy cat our raiseing or if as we grow we learn from our mistakes and how to be more lienient and pick our battles....our poor older kids are kinda our guinea pigs so to speak and I think we learn together through them....

the phrase's "I did'nt get away with that or I never could do that" are ones I hear quite offten....


hugs kal

14 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 4:33 pm

Jack


Admin
1strappedboy wrote:I know for example that my adult kids certainly "get it" in terms of how I've raised them and deal with them as young adults. My kids who are still kids are getting the benefit of my personal growth in that regard and they know that they get away with rather more than their older brothers did. Thankfully there are no resentments on anyone's part.

Especially when something changes that effected kids who are still in the house, I talk to them. It's like when I decided to lower the cell phone age, I talked to all the older boys, explained my thinking, reminded them of why I'd had the previous limit, and gave them a chance to express how they felt. There might be some irritation, but usually the chance to find out about it, and have a say, if not actual input, goes a long way towards avoiding problems.

Unlike me and Satana. When I was in ninth grade, I had a chance to go to a concert, but wasn't allowed to. Later, when she was in sixth grade, Satana got to go to one. Admittedly, it was the difference between Iron Butterfly with friends and Shaun Cassidy with a Girl Scout troop, but still!

http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

15 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 8:13 pm

AFinch


Sherrif
Jack said: Admittedly, it was the difference between Iron Butterfly with friends and Shaun Cassidy with a Girl Scout troop, but still!

Shaun Cassidy's little brother, Patrick's, earliest film appearance was in the Music Man (1962). He is the barely perceptible baby bump on Shirley Jones at the footbridge in "Til There Was You".

16 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Mon Apr 22, 2013 9:22 pm

1strappedboy


Sherrif
kalico wrote:Dimitri wrote:
My kids who are still kids are getting the benefit of my personal growth in that regard and they know that they get away with rather more than their older brothers did. Thankfully there are no resentments on anyone's part.

I think thats just how life is...Im not sure if we are harder on the older ones because we were still young and remember how it was for us and we copy cat our raiseing or if as we grow we learn from our mistakes and how to be more lienient and pick our battles....our poor older kids are kinda our guinea pigs so to speak and I think we learn together through them....

the phrase's "I did'nt get away with that or I never could do that" are ones I hear quite offten....


hugs kal

Kal my dear, truer words were never spoken!!

Dave and Jon are happy and well adjusted young adults and they understand fully that they were the 'experimental models'. More to point, they're ok with that. They of course have my full 'backstory' so they know from where I was coming vis a vis home discipline and rules.

As Dave says a lot, I have mellowed in my old age but Darren and Jeff (and Ryan) are still held to a high standard of behavior. It's just with them I'll let more go on before I lower the boom.

17 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:27 am

Jack


Admin
I'd meant to come back and post this last night, but allowed myself to become distracted.

What really happened is...

Spoiler:
Unlike most of the responders, I did consider Barry to be a bit more responsible for the situation. It was clear that he hadn't forced the twins into anything, but he was the driver, so I consider him more responsible by default. On the other hand, as I pointed out to them, if any one of them had picked up the phone before curfew, they wouldn't be in trouble. At their age, there is no way, under normal circumstances, that I wouldn't have said, 'okay, but come straight home after you eat.'

With that understood, I tossed out a figure of three days without keys for Barry, and was trying to decide if four or five days without electronics would be comparable for the twins (and Barry, if he wanted to go with that option), but all three of them already knew that swats were going to be on the table, and they'd all opted for that.

Because I did feel that Barry was more responsible (should have been?), I gave him the option of three bare with the medium Lexan or four on boxers. It's not that there's a modesty issue involved with the three of them and me, and it's not like boxers provide much protection (IMO, at least), but it is both a psychological thing, and also it seems that the more choice they have, the better they take it. I offered the twins the same choice, with one less swat.

They all went for boxers.

I had all three of them strip to their boxers, then bend over the end of Johnny's bed.

These three haven't been in much trouble lately, and they don't have much experience with that paddle. I never try to hit out of the park, since I feel more, lighter swats is more effective. I might have been going just a bit easy Friday night, though - easier than normal, if not truly easy. I saw this as more of a wake up call, to let then know they're moving into a different realm and have to take little things into consideration now, than a real punishment situation.

Barry got the first swat, then I moved down to Josh and worked the line, until the twins had had their three, and Barry received four. All three of them were yelping and damp eyed before I finished, and Barry was a bit snivelly (well, all three of them were slightly snivelly, but Barry maybe a bit more).

Hugs all around, and I told them to go on to bed. When I checked on them later, all three of them were in Johnny's bed, and they looked amazingly similar to how they did 10 or 11 years ago.

http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

18 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:37 am

John Boy


Sherrif
Aww I hope it was enough of a wake up call for them. Very Happy

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

19 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 3:58 pm

Stone Man


Marshall
AFinch wrote:Jack said: Admittedly, it was the difference between Iron Butterfly with friends and Shaun Cassidy with a Girl Scout troop, but still!

Shaun Cassidy's little brother, Patrick's, earliest film appearance was in the Music Man (1962). He is the barely perceptible baby bump on Shirley Jones at the footbridge in "Til There Was You".

Neat Info! Cool

Bransomtx remains one of the most educational sites that I visit on the internet. Smile

20 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 4:03 pm

Stone Man


Marshall
Jack wrote:Barry & the Twins - Hugs all around, and I told them to go on to bed. When I checked on them later, all three of them were in Johnny's bed, and they looked amazingly similar to how they did 10 or 11 years ago.[/spoiler]

That image brings the smiles to me. Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

21 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:29 pm

Jack


Admin
Stone Man wrote:
Jack wrote:Barry & the Twins - Hugs all around, and I told them to go on to bed. When I checked on them later, all three of them were in Johnny's bed, and they looked amazingly similar to how they did 10 or 11 years ago.

That image brings the smiles to me. Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

Since I didn't adopt the twins until they were six (actually, Josh was still five when they came to live with me), it's sometimes hard for people to remember that I've known them all their lives, since they were my godsons before being my sons. That means that Barry has known them all their lives, and there are pictures of 15 month old Barry in the cradle with the year younger twins.

http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

22 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:49 pm

kalico


Sherrif
jack wrote:
there are pictures of 15 month old Barry in the cradle with the year younger twins


AWW...now that sounds like a truly cute picture!!!



hugs kal

23 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Tue Apr 23, 2013 10:31 pm

John Boy


Sherrif
kalico wrote:jack wrote:
there are pictures of 15 month old Barry in the cradle with the year younger twins


AWW...now that sounds like a truly cute picture!!!



hugs kal

Ditto to that.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

24 Re: BOTD 4-22-13: Shared Responsibility? on Wed Apr 24, 2013 6:26 am

1strappedboy


Sherrif
I must add to the chorus of aww's!! How very sweet indeed! I love you

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