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BONUS BOTD 4/28/13 "THE SLEEPOVER SITUATION" A DMK BONUS

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David M. Katz


Marshall
THE SLEEPOVER SITUATION
A DMK BONUS Production


NATE - 12
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IKE - 12 (13 Next Week)
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Your twelve year old son, Nate, spent the night last night with his neighbor and good friend, Ike. Ike actually turns thirteen on Wednesday of next week. Ike's mother wanted the boys to go to bed by 1:00am so everyone would be fresh and able to get up to go to church on time. Nate and Ike were fully aware of the request and the reason for it and seemed to understand. Nate would be visiting church with Ike and his family.

You saw Nate at lunch and he seemed happy and upbeat and you asked how the sleepover went. He said they had fun. He did indicate that they had a hard time going to sleep but it all worked out and it was no big deal. You asked about church and Nate said he enjoyed it and had a good time. Nate finishes his lunch and he finds Ike and they head off on one of their epic bike rides and are still out.

Ike's mother just called. She said, as usual, she enjoyed having Nate over and there were no real issues. She then tells about her request for the boys to go to sleep at 1:00. She said she had a hard time with both boys over this. She said they were awake and up and chatting and giggling until past 2:00. She said she went in with a warning on two different times but the boys seemed to get worse. She said finally at 2:30 she moved Nate to the guest room and all was well. She said that she did tell both boys that they had to go to bed at 8:00pm tonight (it is a school night) as a punishment. She indicates she plans on enforcing this with Ike and comes out and all but asks you to do the same with your son. She is pleasant and you truly believe her when she says Nate is welcome back anytime. Ike has a bed time on school nights of 10:00pm. Nate manages his own bedtime but is typically down by 10:30.

What do you do with this information? Is Nate going to bed at 8:00pm tonight? Are there any further sanctions in store for Nate?


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talebearer


Cowboy
You tell her, yes, she can and should enforce the penalty -- probably fairer if they both share it, anyway. As for him telling you it's no big deal, it probably isn't, or at least it isn't a falsehood. And it's good that he's still welcome there.

As for what happens if they're up past the new bedtime giggling and talking, you're fine with however she enforces it.

No big deal.

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David M. Katz


Marshall
I should clarify:

Nate is with you tonight at home.

Ike is at his house tonight.





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talebearer


Cowboy
With the clarification: he goes to bed at 8. If his friend has to, and he was a part of getting his friend into that penalty, he shares in it.

Kids have a sense of what's fair. It should be no big deal, and it's worth telling him that.

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David M. Katz


Marshall
I have had a brief discussion with "Nate" about this as he is now home. He favorite new line is "it's no big deal" and this truly isn't. I will tell how it resolved after a few more get a chance to respond.


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AFinch


Sherrif
I know that "early bedtime" is a time honored kid punishment.

And I think it's a silly one. I never got a better night's rest that way--usually I tossed and turned for hours until I finally fell asleep at the regular time.

I'd want to know how the boys were this morning after their late night. Did she have to throw water on them to get them moving, or were they up and at 'em? If the latter, they clearly didn't need as much sleep as she thinks they did. And if that's the case, I'm going to point it out to her.

However, if Nate and Ike are that close, and if sleepovers are a regular item, and if Ike's mom is in charge when he's there, her punishment ought to stand unless I think it's abusive. And going to bed early, whatever else it might be and no matter how useless (IMO), is not abusive. I suspect both boys would see it as unfair if Ike has to go to bed at 8 as a result, and Nate gets off scot free.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
I personally think early bedtimes cause insomniacs. I also think that while this isn't the end of the world, they were disobedient and as a guest Nate should have acquiesced to the simple request. Ike, as a good host should have ensured they were down as scheduled.

Now that Capt. Obvious has spoken, let's realize these are kids on a sleepout. Being at a friend's house or on the first night of a Boy Scout camping trip is a recipe for a late night and long experience with this age group bears this out time and again. If Ike's mom is doing this, well, it's America; she can do what she wants with her boy. As to me, I agree; "it's no big deal".

They were up for church and functional so all is well on that front. I may remind Nate to be a better guest in the future and perhaps 'lead by example' to his friend but nothing more than this unless he starts giving me 'tude. Then a swat or 3 may be on tap for that.



Last edited by 1strappedboy on Mon Apr 29, 2013 3:56 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : fat fingers.)

David M. Katz


Marshall
12 year olds are going to be chatty in a situation like this. Nathaniel admitted they were a "little slow" getting up this morning but apparently they did get up and everyone was on time.

What I noticed was not the "problem" that was present but what wasn't present. My son has a history of being rude and argumentative in these sort of situations. My understanding is he was very polite and cooperative and respectful during it all. To me, that is a BIG DEAL. Not shutting it down at 1 AM was no big deal. I praised him for keeping things polite and respectful.

OK, they could have both handled the bed time issue a lot differently but, they are 12, and what they were doing was, in reality, innocent and harmless. I suppose Isaac's mother could have handled it differently but, hey, I am not the one to give advice to parents about over reacting to a small situation.

I was going to leave the conversation about the bed time alone but Nathaniel brought it up. I did ask him to tell me more about what happened at the sleepover and I got the same version of the story as I got from Isaac's mother along with an apology. Nathaniel then added, "I need to go to bed at 8." I told him I wasn't going to push that but he played the fairness card. He said he was tired anyway but it wouldn't be fair for Isaac to be going to bed at 8 and he get to stay up. End of discussion - no big deal.

He went to bed at 8 and was asleep by 8:10.

I am just pleased that it looks like our lessons about responding appropriately might be sinking in.


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John Boy


Sherrif
I say I should enforce it after talking to Nate.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
I suppose there is a bit of a white lie. I will enforce the punisment. I suspect Nate needs to catch up on his sleep anyway. I will also warn Nate that I won't be pleased to hear any mre grumbles, even minor ones by parents of his friends. Toe the line with them or else.

Jack


Admin
First, what was this lady doing by announcing a punishment for my son, that she had no way of enforcing, when he wasn't under her control, without consulting me? I can see separating the boys, and I can see telling them that, in the future, they'll have to sleep in separate rooms, to help them go to sleep on time, but I don't see a purpose in this at all.

I've had a lot of bedtime troubles, and I've spanked for them over the years. The trouble is that people don't have a sleep switch. Some people can go to sleep quickly and easily (I remember friends sleeping over who would fall asleep while we were talking). I've never been one of them, which is maybe why I have sympathy for the boys.

The honest truth is that, if the boys were got up and went, then her purpose was achieved, so I see no reason for a punishment, and I'm going to tell her so, and that I won't enforce this on my son. I will assure her I'll talk to him, and I will. The talk will mainly be about obeying standards to which he's agreed.

PS - I'm pretty sure that, after our talk, Nate will put himself to bed at 8pm anyway.

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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
While I don't think the lady handled the situation well, I think out of fairness I'll ask Nate to comply with the early bedtime. I won't insist on lights out but allow him to read until he is actually sleepy.

Kat

1strappedboy


Sherrif
If he wanted to turn in early, ok. As to the issue he's displaying in R/L (that of being rude/argumentative) I'd say the behavior should consistently be a "spanking offense" until it's mastered.

I have no crisis whatsoever with any of the kids mounting a "vigorous defense" of their behavior until or unless it gets rude (rarely ever has with mine); then they will be getting an enhancement beyond what they had already earned.

kalico


Sherrif
Im happy nate felt that he needed to go to bed at 8pm like his friend...

Im not sure I would have asked him to or not....I feel the mother should have called me and we could have talked about the 8pm bed time before she anounced it to the boy's. also what do you think is gonna happen with kids on a sleep over scratch , if it was so important that the boys be up and bright and early then they maybe should not have had the sleep over.

HAPPY it all worked out for you and nate!!!


hugs kal

Stone Man


Marshall
I will talk with Nate and let him know what I was told by Ike's Mom and about the early bedtime Ike will be having. I'm hoping that my son will feel honor bound and go to bed early himself, but if he does not that will be his choice and his conscience and he will have to deal with it.

Shocked Now as far has sleepovers are concerned, and no matter if it is with girls or boys, doesn't this Mom know that it takes two nights to have a "sleep" over? The first night you stay awake leaving you the second night to be so tired that you end up in a puppy pile on the floor snoring in each others ears. Razz

Twisted Evil She sure missed the chance for "good boy" spankings. Twisted Evil

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