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BOTD 5/7/13 "1:00 AM Surprise" A DMK Production

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David M. Katz

1:00 AM Surprise
A DMK Production

Your thirteen year old son, Dylan, is grounded. He was having continuing issues with curfew and spanking didn't seem to be working so you tried grounding him. The problem is last night was his friend's birthday party. Dylan was not allowed to go due to being grounded and he has whined and begged all week.

It is 1:00 AM and you decide on a light snack. You go in the kitchen and there is Dylan standing there looking shocked to see you. The last you saw him he was in his room dressed for bed. He told you he was tired and was going to "turn in early." That was around 8:00 PM.

Dylan - 13
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Dylan stammers and says to you, "Uh, I see you need a snack too. That's funny, we both need a snack at the same time."

You note the following: Dylan is fully dressed, Dylan has mud on his shoes (it had been raining) there are muddy footprints leading from the still open back door to Dylan. Also, Dylan has no food out.

You ask if he is certain he is there to make a snack. He promises he has been in his room all night and just got hungry. You ask about him being dressed. He says, "Uh, I got cold." (It's July.) You ask about the door being open and about the footprints. He says, "When I got to the kitchen Mr. Fluffy (the family cat) wanted outside so I let him outside and I guess I forgot to close the door." Just then Mr. Fluffy comes in from the dining room and rubs against your leg. Dylan looks surprised. "Wow, I guess he came in and we didn't see him." You ask Dylan one more time if he has been in all night. You make a point to ask if he sneaked out and went to the party. Dylan looks at the floor and says, "I don't want to talk about it."

What next?

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


Im going tell young Dylan that if he doesnt want to talk about it then Im going to asume that he has left the house and broke his grounding so we will then take care of his disobedience right away. If he come clean and tells the truth he will just get a paddling and the grounding will be over.....

Evil or Very Mad If he still doesnt come clean or want to talk then he can get paddled and start his grounding all over again....

hugs kal


Difficult one.

I wouldn't have grounded Dylan from his friend's birthday party. And if I had, after a week of relentless whining and begging I'd have realized I was punishing more than just Dylan.

But the scenario says I did. Dylan's been caught in the act, and he's continued to lie, one after another, until in a perfect storm in which the universe has conspired against him, each and every one of those lies has come home to roost.

Given that, I can't see how I can be lenient, especially if I were such a hard case as to forbid him going to a good friend's birthday party in the first place.

This is disrespectful, deliberate, and potentially dangerous disobedience. I'm going to tell Dylan I don't believe a word of what he's told me, but it is late and I am too angry and disappointed to deal with him now. I'm going to send him to bed, letting him know we will talk about this more in the morning.

After what will likely be a sleepless night for Dylan, come morning, he'll clean the muddy floor, get a shower, then report to me in my study where I will apply the hairbrush sufficiently so that Dylan will be wondering if his friends can hear his reaction to it. He can then do whatever he'd like, standing, indoors as he'll be unlikely to want to sit the rest of the day. I'll tell him that I hope it was worth it.

The clock on his grounding will start again from time zero. I may want to rethink whether to try grounding in the future if I don't want to be his jailer.

John Boy

We go to bed and talk and "TALK" in the morning. He is not going to lie to me and get away with it.


I've never been a fan of having to be a jailer, but it looks like thats what I've turned myself into! Dylan can be off to bed now, although he will be probably be staring at the celling all night thinking about tomorrow morning! Twisted Evil

After I'm well rested, he can start by cleaning up the muddy mess he made before taking a trip across my lap. He's in for a good 'ol hairbrush spanking across his bare backside.

And since the hairbrush has seemed to of lost some of its touch, I think I will go ahead and introduce him to the belt with a few good licks for his lying.


As everyone else has pointed out here, this is the reason we don't use grounding at our house. There's a big piece of me that wants to chalk this up as a lesson learned for me.

Now, instead of having punished whatever it was and moved on, I set up a circumstance wherein I made my boy a 'criminal'. Had he had the sense/wherewithal to have admitted and apologized, I likely would have let this matter drop with a 'the next time you're in trouble expect a good one!'

Trouble is, he's lied. He's lied multiple times even in the face of the obvious, he's lied and I really just can't accept this. Why he did, I need to explore and why he thought I would buy the lies needs a look. Much as I normally hate doing this, I'm sending him off to bed with a swat and "we'll discuss this in the morning; expect a sore rear. Good night!"

I'm afraid that he's going to be fidgety in school tomorrow if it's a school day for he is going to get one of the better stroppings I give. Twisted Evil

You'll remember from an earlier BoTD, that Jeffy pulled a similar stunt to this when I had forbidden him to go to a party because of chaperone issues and failure to finish some chores. You'll remember what happened to him! Twisted Evil affraid Twisted Evil


Editor Extraordinaire
Of course, he is lying. It's the natural reaction. Unlike many people, I don't consider lying in these circs the most serious of transgressions. In reality, I would have begun with the direct question rather than playing this cat-and-mouse game, which in my opinion invites Dylan to lie. The more I allowed him to entrench himself in lies, the harder I made it for him to come clean. In a way, I'm as guilty of deceit as he is for not saying upfront, "Dylan, there is a great deal of circumstantial evidence that leads me to believe you went to the party despite your grounding: you are fully dressed at 1am, you have mud on your shoes and the door is open. Did you sneak out?"

I'm punishing him for breaking the grounding and the spanking will end the matter. I see no need to make the spanking especially harsh. I'm not against grounding, but I am very much against a grounding that turns a routine punishment into a harsh punishment because it forces a kid to miss a special event. Another time I'll make whatever adjustments are necessary to keep the punishment proportionate to the crime.



two things

He has broken his grounding and he compounded it with several lies so he has earned a significant enhancement. It is too late now but tomorrow/later today! I am cutting a switch and Dylan will get a hiding to remember. He can then serve another week of grounding and think about his attitude


Well said, Kat.


I'd like to think I'd go with Kat's response, but I strongly suspect the scenario Dad would be a lot harsher.

Stone Man

Since it appears I'm such an understanding parent, have instituted a draconian grounding, and presented opportunity followed by opportunity to lie to me I shall be baring my son's bottom and taking a belt to him then and there; not wishing to cause him any distress by having to wait for his punishment until morning.

David M. Katz

I love Kat's answer but this Dad is not going to go for it. The dad in this scenario more aligns with Stone Man.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


IF I actually grounded the boy, and didn't even make an exception for the friend's birthday party (a friend or best friend?)...

And IF I actually played around with him instead of just asking why he'd snuck out...

Then I suppose I'd double the grounding or spank him and start it over.

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