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BOTD 6/26/13 "Total Chaos" A DMK Production

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Kat wrote:
1strappedboy wrote:Where DO you draw the line for your kids?

There are times when parents can't protect kids from the legal consequences of their actions or the consequences imposed by authorities such as their schools. If a police officer had pulled Austin over, I wouldn't be able to do much -- and even less if he had been involved in an accident with another car.

Then there are times when you shouldn't protect your kid beyond providing support to the extent you can. I was reading earlier this week about two teenage girls who murdered a third girl, who was supposedly their best friend. If a parent is aware that his child is involved in something like that, I don't think it's right not to go to the police. But at the same time, I think a parent in that situation is still the child's natural protector and must provide what legal and emotional help he can.

In this BOTD, Austin has done nothing that many of us didn't do in our day. He messed up -- seriously messed up -- but it was stupid rather than malicious. I wouldn't throw him under the bus to save myself a few hundred dollars. I would, however, make sure I punished him myself in a manner that is proportionate to the offense.

Kat

Holy crap but would it be awful to be in those parents' shoes though?

I quite agree that in the case of our BoTD there's no way I could in good conscience subject my son to the law in the instance outlined. Yet, I realize that showing him I'm willing to be "economical with the truth" at times does send a signal I'm not happy with.

Besides recondite punishment, we are definitely going to have to have a serious discussion about ethics and dealing with the real world. I hope that at 15, he's mature enough to grasp what I'm attempting to explain to him!

mahoover


Cowboy
From the scenario, there is damage on the front and damage on the garage door. This sounds like body damage to me, and that is the way I looked at it. So I would not be involving the insurance or the police, instead, I would either pay for the repairs myself, or live with the damage. I would also have Austin use part of his allowance over time to help pay for the repairs. In my part of the country, 15 year olds can do some work, so I would strongly encourage Austin to get a job and put some of his income towards repairs. I think I would tell him there is no chance I will give him back his learners permit until the repairs are paid off. And even after the repairs are paid for, he might not get the permit back if I don't think he has learned some responsibility.

If there had been more damage to the car, I don't think I would be able to completely protect Austin. I would try to protect him as much as possible by keeping quiet, but I wouldn't out and out lie for him. In the long run, it would cause more problems than it solves. Either by him learning the wrong lesson, or us getting caught in the lie.

Jack


Admin
Mahoover makes the same point I did. There was damage to the 'wall of the garage', and I'm thinking that would be a lot of damage to most cars. I could handle that with no problem, but most kids wouldn't.

If it were actually one of my kids in this situation, I'm pretty sure I'd eat the cost or the repairs, but probably only after talking (off the record) to my insurance agent, and maybe a police officer I know, and getting an exact idea of what the probable outcomes would be. Then, after a fairly significant time left cooking in his own juices (and calming down and talking to someone else to make sure I was calm(er)), I'd announce that I wasn't going to report it, and it was time to pick a switch.

Here's another thought though. My kids have all received cars for their sixteenth birthday. Would that still occur in this case, or has Austin proven too irresponsible and shown he needs to wait a while before getting his own car?

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Regarding the car question, presuming that you've eaten the costs involved with the repair this sparing him the legal fallout, I think a 1 year delay in getting his own car is a fitting punishment!

I got each kid his own at 18 thus far.  I figure (and Darren proved me right last year) that if they have an accident it's better that they trash the oldest car in the driveway rather than a new one as a new driver.

Jeffy's praying that Ryan stays with us past his 16th. That way he'll get the minivan and Jeffy will get the truck.

Jack


Admin
I don't get new cars for any of my kids. I do have a network of friends and contacts who keep a look out for me, and I've been able to find fairly low mileage cars for almost all the boys from private sources, so they end up pretty cheap. Of course, I also have a lot more boys to worry about than you.

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mahoover


Cowboy
On the question of him getting a car at 16, I don't think that would happen. Since it would take him awhile to pay for repairs, and to prove to me that he can be responsible, he will probably get getting his learner's permit back sometime when he is 16. And I want him to have at least a good six months of driving with me in the car before I let him go for his license. I can see him getting a car at 17, after he has been driving for a while.
This is one of those cases where there are consequences beyond the immediate punishment. Mainly that fun things like getting a license and a car happen latter because of the time Austin lost his learner's permit.

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