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BOTD 08-09-2013 The Wrong Crowd? An Ivor Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
The Wrong Crowd?
An Ivor Production

Your 15 year old son Aidan tells you that he is going into town to meet his friends. You have been concerned for some time that his 'friends' are not very suitable and may be leading him astray. You are fairly confident you have smelt cigarette smoke on him and his clothes, but he has denied that he smokes. You also suspected when he came in the other weekend a few minutes after his curfew that he had been drinking simply by his manner, but you didn't pursue it. In the last few months his tally of spankings has definitely gone up for various misdeeds.

Today you also go into town a short while after Aidan but not following him. This is what you come across:

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Are you going to confront Aidan now or wait until he gets home?

What is going to happen to him?



Last edited by Skater on Fri Aug 09, 2013 6:18 am; edited 1 time in total


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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
He's getting a switching for sure!


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1strappedboy


Sherrif
I ask, This is MY son?!? affraid 

Something's really a-miss here, as I would have acted pre-emptively the second I 'thought' I smelled smoke.

Nonetheless, it appears I trusted where I should not have and now Aidan and I will be having that chat about the people he's hanging with, the decisions he's making, the reputation he could end up getting.

Hopefully, I've raised him well enough that by now he "needs" the spanking to cleanse himself. If not, he's getting one anyway to reinforce the fact that his parents forbid said activities and that is the price one pays for disobedience. Said punishment will be rather a stiff one all told.

AFinch


Sherrif
Like Skater and Dimitri, I agree that Aidan's toast.

I'm not going to wait until he gets home. If his friends are there, and he's embarrassed, too bad. If he's alone, and I smell smoke or alcohol, I'm going to quietly tell him to get in the car and we'll go home and deal with it. I'm going to check lest this is a "posed picture" for shock value. I very much doubt that's the case.

When we get home, we're going to have a serious talk about peer pressure, smoking at any age, underage drinking, the legal consequences thereof, and how very disappointed I am with him, both with respect to his behavior and his honesty about it.

I will then exercise the nuclear option in my parental arsenal, whatever that may be. I'm inclined towards having him go pick a switch.

That may well be the EASY part for him, since I'm going to be watching his activities closely, and monitoring his friends. If they're as bad as they seem, they are unlikely to want to continue hanging out with my newly reformed son. Forbidding contact generally is just an invitation to find a way to sneak it.

John Boy


Sherrif
Skater wrote:He's getting a switching for sure!
Ditto that

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David M. Katz


Marshall
AFinch wrote:Like Skater and Dimitri, I agree that Aidan's toast.

I'm not going to wait until he gets home.  If his friends are there, and he's embarrassed, too bad.  If he's alone, and I smell smoke or alcohol, I'm going to quietly tell him to get in the car and we'll go home and deal with it.  I'm going to check lest this is a "posed picture" for shock value.  I very much doubt that's the case.

When we get home, we're going to have a serious talk about peer pressure, smoking at any age, underage drinking, the legal consequences thereof, and how very disappointed I am with him, both with respect to his behavior and his honesty about it.

I will then exercise the nuclear option in my parental arsenal, whatever that may be.  I'm inclined towards having him go pick a switch.

That may well be the EASY part for him, since I'm going to be watching his activities closely, and monitoring his friends.  If they're as bad as they seem, they are unlikely to want to continue hanging out with my newly reformed son.  Forbidding contact generally is just an invitation to find a way to sneak it.
What he said.


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Jack


Admin
I'm not going to 'confront' Aidan right now. I will stop and say something like "glad I happened to see you. I needed you to come home earlier. Let me give you a ride."

At 15, and with the 'tally of spankings' going up lately, I'm not sure what I'm going to do. I will be buying a breathalyzer and some nicotine tests, and Aidan will be peeing in a cup for a while - I'll probably test for other things, as long as this is necessary.

Aidan and I are going to have a long talk. There will probably be a switching, to make me feel better if nothing else, but I'm going to have to consider something more long term in this situation.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
I incline towards Kiers thinking but I hear what Jack says. I have to judge whether the "nuclear" switching option will have the effect that his other recent spankings haven't. Aidan will though be supervised a lot more closely. I won't ground him but 'Just hanging' with his friends will not be an option. It will be friends I know and for specific purposes and I will set curfews for him if not already done

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'll certainly speak to Aidan right away, as I want no room for denials later on about what he was doing, and assuming that he actually is drinking and lighting a cigarette, rather than perhaps posing for a prank photograph. The difficult part will be deciding what to do next. I have little faith that corporal punishment will effect any positive change in Aidan's behavior. He already has been receiving spankings, which seem to have done  no good. As I have reason to believe this is not the first time he has been drinking and smoking, I may have to remove him from the influence of his friends. One option is a boarding school. Perhaps that sounds harsh, but kids that age often relate better unrelated adults than to parents.

Kat

mahoover


Cowboy
Like others, I will try to get Aidan home in a non-confrontational manner. My first thought was a switching and a weekend of isolation. But since the number of spankings has been going up, I am not sure that physical punishment is working all that well.
So after thinking about it for a bit, I am inclined to isolate Aidan in a guest room until he as completed a 3 page paper on why underage drinking and smoking are dangerous to his health and what the legal consequences are to both him and his parents if he is caught by the law. He would be allowed a computer with net access, but warned that I will be checking up on his progress randomly, and he better not be caught playing games or surfing for fun. I will also tell him if he does a half assed job, I will send him back and increase the page count.
I will also be ordering various tests, and letting him know that he is going to be subject to testing for a long while until he rebuilds the trust he has broken.

MemoryMan


Sherrif
This looks like watershed moment.  Aidan is fifteen, on the cusp of adulthood, at an age when behaviour patterns established now are likely to continue into adulthood -- and spanking is no longer working.

Why?

Have I become an authoritarian overbearing father, a rule producing factory?  

Is Aidan resenting my spanking him so often and losing respect for me?

I will stop and tell him something has come up, that  I need him to come with me.  He can then choose to come without losing face - or being forced.

We will go to his room where I will tell him that I am disappointed rather than angry with him.  I will also tell him that I ought to be taking the skin off his arse for putting himself in such a situation that any passing cop would have wheeled him in. But that I'm not going to do it, now or in the morning because he's getting too old for that to be the answer.  That at fifteen he should be responsible enough to regulate his own behaviour.  I will confine him to his room to think things over and we will talk in the morning.

I too will think things over close to home and re-evaluate my attitude and our relationship.  Then in the morning I will admit a failing in my regime and state the need for a change; hopefully then I will be able to start a discussion rather than a lecture and we will be able to agree a way forward.   Its unlikely to be quick or easy and it may fail but I must try to build a bridge to establish the mutual trust I have failed to achieve so far.

The final outcome will hinge on this meeting but it is so important that if it means I must lose a morning's work and he a morning's school so be it.

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