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BOTD 26 August 2013: Does One Wrong Make Two Sore?

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Jack


Admin
Remember Chuck from Good Guest/Bad Guest?


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Since Chuck's father left, he's tried very hard to be a good son and a good brother. Like all boys, he sometimes screws up and makes mistakes, but he does try hard. With a four year age difference between him and his brother,


Clint - 12
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he's also been making a bit of an attempt to be a father figure to Clint. To that extent, you know there've been a few occasions when Chuck has spanked the younger boy. Their mother also knows about it, and while she doesn't condone it, she doesn't exactly condemn it, either. You've talked to Chuck about it, and you were very careful to stress the problems that arouse from you spanking your younger brothers, even though there was much more than a four year age difference.

You thought he'd listened to you. Today, you learned differently.

It turns out that the two boys were home alone, when Chuck saw his little brother coming home from your house. Clint was on his skateboard, but his helmet and pads were in his backpack. Chuck led the younger boy inside, sat down, paused just long enough to bare Clint's bottom, then smacked him good and red, and thoroughly enough to get some tears.

Clint was very unhappy about that, and he actually tried to tell his big brother that you'd said he didn't have to wear pads or a helmet to ride his board. Chuck knew that was wrong, because you'd spanked several boys, including Clint, for that exact thing not to long ago.

The problem is that Clint was correct. While you do require the boys to wear safety equipment while doing stunts, for simple pushing back in forth in the drive way (or across the street) you don't make that big a deal about it.

After his spanking, Clint snubs his big brother. Chuck gets angry, and at Clint's repeated complaint that you told him it was okay, Chuck comes to you. When he finds out Clint was telling the truth, Chuck is devastated. Now he understands what you were trying to warn him about before. He feels terribly guilty. He turns to you, asking what he can do to correct the situation, and strongly implying (or at least you're strongly inferring) that you spanking him, possibly with Clint watching, is what needs to happen now.

Can you help solve this mess?

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John Boy


Sherrif
That is a hard one. Spanking without all the facts is not smart as he learned but spanking him for spanking his brother is hard for me to determine either.

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AFinch


Sherrif
I'll be happy to try to mediate a settlement.

Chuck "now understands" what you've been trying to tell him. Spanking him won't "unspank" (is that a word?) Clint--can't really take that back.

I'll try for an apology from Chuck, for not listening to Clint, as well as for (unfairly) spanking him and an acceptance of said apology by Clint. Failing that, if both boys are resolute that the only way they can forgive themselves/each other is if I spank Chuck, I guess I'll make the sacrifice.

Stone Man


Marshall
Chuck has finally learned what I have been trying to impress on him about the difficulties of spanking a younger sib so close in age. If I cannot mediate an agreement between the two; like Kier, I'm willing to spank Chuck to settle things.Razz 

ivor


Marshall
I can see Chuck's logic. Other than giving Clint a pass on the next occasion he does earn a spanking, I don't see any other way he can put this right between the pair of them especially as Clint appears very upset over what has happened. For the sake of mending their relationship it seems the right thing to do.

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MemoryMan


Sherrif
I'm first going to talk to Clint.  Does he resent Chuck trying to be a father figure and occasionally spanking him?  Or is he just resentful of being disbelieved and spanked unfairly?

If the latter I'll carry on to tell Clint of Chuck's remorse and his willingness to be spanked by me "for getting it wrong" on this occasion, and ask him if he thinks that would make it "fair".

I will take his reply into account before I decide.

If the former I'm going to have a talk with both boys together and try to broker an arrangement that allows Chuck to continue to "look out" for Clint, but in a less heavy handed way.  I'll also offer to act a a mediator in any dispute.

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Pi Beta


Deputy
I think it is up to Chuck to make the first move and apologise to Clint. Until he's done that, there's no way I'm going to get involved as a mediator. I will mediate only if Chuck's attempts at apologising fall on stony ground.

As part of his apology, Chuck may suggest to Clint that he should ask me to even things out. If Clint thinks that would be acceptable restitution, I'll be willing to take on that role. I wouldn't bare Chuck's bottom in front of his elder brother, however, but nor would I use my hand. A few hard whacks with my plimsole on his pants should be enough to satisfy all concerned - me included!

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
The boys' mother really shouldn't have allowed this situation to develop. I feel very strongly that in most cases, older siblings have no business spanking younger ones. (The exception would be when the age difference between the siblings is so great that the younger sibling accepts the elder as a surrogate parent.) I was the youngest in my family, and if any of my siblings had attempted to spank me, it would have meant a fist fight. From Clint's point-of-view, Chuck may come off more as a bully than a legitimate authority. As it is, it seems that Clint is under the authority of too many people, who are not apparently working in concert. Mrs. Goodman really must step up and be the ultimate authority. She needs to make the rules that her sons follow and not abdicate that responsibility to Jack or anyone else. If she wants to consult Jack, that is fine, but the boys need to see her as the ultimate authority, both in establishing rules and imposing punishment.

In this case, Chuck needs to apologize to Clint. If he really wants to make amends, he can offer to let Clint spank him, as Clint is the injured party.

Kat

Jack


Admin
Some interesting comments on this one.

If I were the person in question, I would have begun by pointing out that Chuck might not have been wrong. While I make and enforce certain rules at my house, that doesn't mean those same rules apply at home. While my rule might be that the boys only need to wear their safety equipment when doing tricks or seriously riding, their mother might have had a different rule, which would mean Clint was wrong by trying to insist on my standards.

However, this was not actually a real life situation.

While Chuck does sometimes spank his little brother, as far as I know, it's only in cases where their mom isn't home, and Clint knows he screwed up and would rather get it over with than having to wait for mom. It seems to me that a situation arose in the past where this was some question as to whether Clint was really guilty or not, and since then, Chuck has decided to err on the side of caution (which is the same thing I do, when one of my kids refuses to admit his guilt - it's easier to send them to their room, so both of us can calm down, and talk things out later than it is to unspank a boy).

In this case, Chuck did spank Clint, which was indicted in the Spankorama, and Clint wasn't wearing safety equipment, which I also indicated. What I didn't mention (having already come up with the idea for this) was that Clint was actually grounded from his skateboard at the time he was caught with no safety equipment, so it was a much more clear cut scenario (I only know about it because I was outside when Chuck caught him).

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squarecutter


Sherrif
As I undertand this was partly an expedient so a matter got closed without adults needing to know As far as spanking Chuck is concerned I'd rather not go there> I don't like gratifying some demand for revenge (if there is such). I will try to mediate. I wll sit them both down and and tell Clint that Chuck has something to say to him and invite Chuck to make the apology. I am then going to suggest an agreement where if Clint feels he has an innocent explanation in future that the matter be referred to a hgher power, ie me or their mother and probably taken out of Chucks hands. Chuck may still be executioner in a case which is not in dispute but not judge and jury when there is a dispute. He's just had it shown that his chances of being wrong are quite high so I think Chuck will be receptive to that. I also don't think Chuck should really be spanking Clint without his agreement. At some point the physical gap will close and their could be fights

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