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BONUS! BOTD 9/3/13 "Lines Or Licks?" A DMK Bonus production

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Jack wrote:MM - take another look at the classes he's taking.  I wouldn't have been an outcast in any of those.  

David, I know some people have a knee-jerk reaction to the idea of a parent adding to school punishments.  My problem with it is when the school has already handled things appropriately, which makes the home addition seem like overkill.

In this case, it might be time for you to sit down and talk with Nate.  He's smart enough he understands that when he plays the magpie, he's distracting the other students and the teacher, and that's not fair to anyone else.  Assuming he does understand this (which he will after you explain it, if not before), it might be time to talk about him getting to look forward to more at home if he keeps pushing things.
There's a REASON we employ "trouble @ school=trouble @ home" as a mantra in our house, and it is 2 fold:

1.  It serves as an additional deterrent to getting into trouble in the first place and I have been told by ALL our kids that this largely works/worked.  Yes, they've gotten I trouble and were punished again so it's not perfect, but still......

2.  It expresses OUR (parental) displeasure at their getting into trouble at school.  The school has punished them for their "in school" behavior, now I'm punishing you for doing what you know you should not have and  (old fashioned as it sounds) embarrassed the family name!

I won't presume to tell you how to run your household but I will say that it has largely worked for ours; I'll confess that it worked for us as kids as well.  We SURE  didn't want to come home to face 'dad' in the barn after detention (or God forbid, a paddling in school) so we were sure to either toe the line or not get caught!!

Perhaps Nate could that "extra incentive to think" that this provides.

David M. Katz

About my take on double jeopardy. Maybe I am inconsistent but I let the situation dictate.

When he was in sixth grade and skipped school he got paddled. I spanked him again at home because there were other issues around the skipping that were not addressed at school.

When he was at the private school he got in trouble for being rude to an administrator. I spanked him then because, in my opinion, the school did not address it.

Last Spring he skipped school after me telling him expressly that it would be considered disobedience and that I would spank him on top of whatever happened in school. He tested me. I delivered on my promise.

As far as the punishments for running his mouth, I have varied. I did decide to up the ante and after the detention and I did restrict him (more of an extended time out than grounding) for the evening. After the janitorial crew detention he was angry with me (I had suggested the detention change) and he came home and blasted me with obscenities for it. That was his first encounter with the belt. That was not for the detention but for his disrespect at home but it was sort of related.

I think a frank discussion is needed with a little more consistency on the home front. I am still not willing to punish him at home for every issue at school but I do see a need for clearer guidelines.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


David M. Katz wrote:I think a frank discussion is needed with a little more consistency on the home front. I am still not willing to punish him at home for every issue at school but I do see a need for clearer guidelines.
And I strongly support that. I know Dmitri disagrees with me, but to me, parental reinforcement is really needed in three cases - when the school doesn't address the situation (or doesn't address it firmly enough), when it's something really serious, and when it's repeated behavior.

That's not saying this requires that kind of reinforcement, but it's something for you (and probably Nate) to think about.

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