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BOTD 10/10/13 "Unsportsmanlike Conduct?" A Late Chat Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
UNSPORTSMANLIKE CONDUCT?
A Late Chat Production

You have two sons.  Chip is fifteen and Chase is ten. Both boys are subject to spanking if the need arises.

 Today your spouse is working and you get notified of a last minute meeting with an important client who has "popped in to town."  You are left with no one to keep an eye on Chase.  You ask Chip and he says he will watch him but he has a baseball game planned with his friends that afternoon. Chip says he can just take Chase to the game with him.  You and Chase both assume that means Chase will get to play baseball with Chip and his friends.

You leave for the meeting and Chip and Chase leave for the park.  Chase is excited and takes his ball and glove to the park.

CHIP - 15
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The boys get to the park and Chase is told to hang out in the dug out.  He says he wants to play but Chip says the game is just for the older boys.  Chase is very upset.
CHASE - 10
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The game progresses and Chip and his friends lose their ball.  They take Chase's ball.  Chase has had enough and he rushes on the field and starts pounding and pushing on his older brother and demanding that he be allowed to play.  Chip pushes Chase back to the dug out and shoves him in.  You finish with your meeting early and decide to go by the park and see the boys.  You arrive just in time to see Chip shoving his little brother in to the dug out.

You confront Chip and he explains Chase attacked him and he was just having him sit in the dug out.  Chase then tells his side of the story.

How do you sort all of this out?


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Jack


Admin
That's what happens when you assume.

I think Chip could probably have worked his little brother into the game if he'd wanted, but a lot of it depends on how serious these boys are about the game (and were they really that serious if they only had one ball?). On the other hand, I'm sure Chase could have found something else to do if he'd really wanted. I understand he had to be really frustrated, but he needs to understand that what he did was totally unacceptable.

I think I'm going to leave Chip to his game, and Chase and I are going to go get some ice cream. We can talk about all this later, and decide what the correct way would have been for all of us to handle this (for instance, yes, I can meet with this very important client who has no sense of timing or ability to schedule, but I'm bringing my son).

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AFinch


Sherrif
Mea culpa.  Mea maxima culpa.

When you assume, it makes....

I can certainly see both sides.  I can't imagine playing baseball with a ten year old would be very fun for a bunch of high school kids.  I am absolutely certain that sitting and watching a bunch of high school kids play what appears to be a pick-up game would be excruciating for a ten year old.  And when having lost their own ball, they took Chase's without so much as a thank you...well, I'd have been more than a little upset myself.

I think I'm going to make some polite excuse to Chip's friends about important plans, and a need to go home.  If Chip isn't clueless, he won't argue.  Or maybe I'll leave Chip to his game, and take Chase somewhere fun, and we can all talk about it later.

Once home, I'm going to apologize to both boys.  My failure to clarify the situation in advance led to the misunderstanding and confrontation.  That said, they are brothers and need to learn to get along.  Sometimes life interferes with plans, and it's up to both boys to step up.  We'll TALK about how both boys could have handled things better.  No spankings.

RE: Clueless clients with no sense of timing. Frank Wildhorn tells a wonderful story about his first BIG job. He was asked, by Julie Andrews no less, to write the additional songs for the Broadway version of Victor, Victoria after Henry Mancini died. She phoned him, and he assumed he was being pranked. Finally, he told her he would come to lunch to talk about it, but ONLY if he could bring his ten year old, and only if she would come as Mary Poppins. She agreed. He got the job. That story always makes me smile.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
As is so often the case, Doc has saved my fingers from a lot of typing.

I disagree only in that I think Chip needs to sit on a sore rear for the 'unsportsmanlike conduct" he displayed by taking his brother's ball and still not allowing him to at least participate.  I think my boy will come to the understanding that was simply too much for the little guy and his attack was nothing more than an attempt to vent his manifest frustration.

(I sound like my parents here)- As an older brother, Chip needs to go the extra mile for his little and I expect him to provide the example.  I don't think it needs to be much more than glorified stingoors, but he needs to 'feel' MY frustration with him.

As to stupid client, this really had to be important or really big bucks for me to have done this in the first place, and I will point that out to Chipper as well.  Our standard of living is driven by me sometimes having to do this sort of thing!

LLALVA


Trailboss
Evil or Very Mad  It was just a play game they could have let Chase field, or play first base... And let him bat.

I'll take Chase for pizza and ice cream.

My brothers have six years between them, the younger was 6 when he started playing baseball with my other brother and his friends, all were around 12 or 13 yo. He was good playing and there were times when the older was not able to go out and the friends asked to take the younger to play with them.

He played little league baseball since he was 7 until he was 18...


John Boy


Sherrif
I'm going to walk apon the fight, look at them both, Suspect once they stop I will walk away, and TALK with both boys later.

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Stone Man


Marshall
I think I'll take Chase with me for some ice cream and let Chip know I need him at home as soon as the game is over or set a time specific we can agree on.

As I read the scenario, I didn't think Chase would be allowed to play but should have thought some on that once I saw him with a ball and glove. each boy over-reacted in their own way, but I really can't see this as a spanking offense by either one.

Words will be use to hash this out and I shall make a mental note to make sure things are clear and set if there is a next time.

Padraig


Trailboss
I have no idea how things work with baseball, but the way we played football (soccer) no kids six years younger would have been able to play without getting hurt. Nevertheless we played with younger ones but not always and not when we had agreed for a 'no rules' game in advance.

But as it has been written already, the one to blame most is me. Chip did what he was asked, he took Chase and had an eye on him. Not more, not less.

Each boy will get a talk, and a treat, seperately.

Guest


Guest
Padraig wrote:I have no idea how things work with baseball, but the way we played football (soccer) no kids six years younger would have been able to play without getting hurt. Nevertheless we played with younger ones but not always and not when we had agreed for a 'no rules' game in advance.

But as it has been written already, the one to blame most is me. Chip did what he was asked, he took Chase and had an eye on him. Not more, not less.

Each boy will get a talk, and a treat, seperately.
This is the most sensible argument I've read on this scenario.

But I reckon Chip needs to know the value of fairness. He was quite willing to take Chase's ball off him when they lost their ball, yet he soon forgot how he told him the game was for older boys. That wasn't very fair on Chase was it?

ivor


Marshall
I'm with Dimitri.

Chip hasn't done anything for his brother except take him along so that his own plans didn't get spoilt. Then when their ball is lost he takes advantage of Chase being there by 'borrowing' his.

I think at the very least Chase gets taken for a treat in which Chip doesn't participate - and I don't want to see anything appearing on his shoulder as a result, because if it does then his butt will find something appearing there. Smile



Last edited by ivor on Thu Oct 10, 2013 5:53 am; edited 1 time in total

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squarecutter


Sherrif
It should have been possible to include Chase by allowing him to field away from a base where he could get flattened and when at bat just slow up the pitches a bit. He's hardly likely to knock one out of the park. Its what big brothers do with younger ones with cricket. Beyond that they have 2 legs to retrieve a ball with, and two hands and a mitt to catch with. Presumably Chase also plays with his own age group so he has some of the skills and a knowledge of the game. I think Chip has been very mean and that some of his pals would have told him to let his little bro on the field. Taking the ball was the final insult. So I understand Chases anger.. Chip and I will have a long talk later about only looking out for himself but for now I am going to get my little tyke calmed down and take him for ice cream. Oh and if they lose Chase's ball Chip can pay for a new one.

I think both boys earned any lumps they got

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
As a number of other posters have already said: no spankings, a treat to make Chase feel better, and talks all around later on about better ways to handle such situations.

Kat

Pi Beta


Deputy
I'm taking Chase (and his ball) somewhere for a treat.

I hope the others enjoy searching for the lost ball!

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