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BOTD 10/29/13 "Late Again!" A DMK Production

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1 BOTD 10/29/13 "Late Again!" A DMK Production on Mon Oct 28, 2013 3:56 pm

David M. Katz


Marshall
LATE AGAIN!
A DMK Production

Your fourteen year old son, Dylan is in his first year of high school.  Dylan developed a pattern of being extremely tardy to class.  The school has tried several means of addressing the tardiness.  Dylan has been given writing assignments, detentions, ISS, and a one swat paddling.  Dylan was still being tardy and so you were called in for a conference with Dylan, the assistant principal and the guidance counselor. Dylan said he had no good reason for the tardiness.  He said he just lost track of time. You all made Dylan aware of the seriousness of this problem and the school threatened a more severe paddling and/or out of school suspension if the issue continued.  After the conference you privately told Dylan that if he got in trouble for being tardy again that he would be spanked at home.  Dylan understood and did well for a couple of weeks.

Tonight Dylan is relaxing in his room.


DYLAN - 14
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Dylan hangs his backpack on a hook by the kitchen door after he finishes his homework. You hear a crash from the kitchen and find that the hook holding Dylan's backpack broke and now Dylan's backpack is in the floor and, not being zipped up, all of the contents have fallen out.  You start to gather the backpack and the contents and you happen to see a corporal punishment notice from the school.

It seems Dylan was given three licks today for "excessive and repeated tardiness."  The notice further states Dylan was fifteen minutes late to third period. You are supposed to sign the note in acknowledgement of the punishment.

You notice that your name is already signed to the form.  It is a poor forgery and is obviously in Dylan's handwriting.  You take the form up to discuss the issue with Dylan.

What happens?


_________________
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AFinch


Sherrif
How did I ever let things get so out of control?

Dylan has "been made aware of the seriousness" of this issue. He's had ISS, and swats, and threats. And things haven't gotten better, except that he's, he thought, hidden it better. And now he's forged my signature and lied about it.

There are a couple of issues though. I promised Dylan a spanking if he got in trouble for being tardy again. He did--repeatedly, and then lied about it forging my signature in the process. And for that, he can go pick a switch. It will be the mother of all spankings, preceded by a discussion in which he'll be made very aware that if he'd only come to me, this wouldn't be happening. Lying, by omission or commission, always makes things worse.

Once he's recovered, we will talk, at length, about why he's been so often tardy. There has to be some issue besides carelessness, whether it's medical or boredom or bullying by another student or teacher. We will try to find a positive, non-punitive way to solve that problem, with a reward system put in place for being on time (or a transfer of class or school if that is the underlying problem). He needs to learn time management and courtesy (and showing up constantly late is discourteous at best) or he will not be successful in college or in life.

Jack


Admin
I see three issues here: the ridiculous tardies, the promised spanking, and the forgery.

While forgery is illegal, thus a switching offense, I feel like going a bit more childish with him - I'm undressing him and having him fetch the small Lexan, while I move to a desk chair, so I can take him over my lap.

Then we're going to pause and talk. There is no excuse for this kind of BS, and I've honestly never heard of it. You get out of one class, you head for the next one - if you get there early, you plant your butt and get ready for class.

If Dylan can't deal with this, then I'm going to see about having him sent to DAEP - I hate to do that, but I can't see any other alternative. I'm also going to see what he says about the CP, but I really feel like he has something coming, though I might back off on exactly how intense I'm planning, depending on what he says.


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Kittykat


Deputy
I do want to point out something though. When I was in high school, kids only had 3 minutes between when they could go to their lockers to switch books, and when the tardy bell rang. It really depends on where his locker is compared to where his classes are. My freshman year, my locker was on the other side of the quad, and my classes, all of them, were on the other side. I was consistently late to class, until my parents spoke to the principal and had me moved to a closer locker.

kalico


Sherrif
Ditto miss kitty...I would have to look into it more before I came down really hard on him.....

Like miss kitty my freshman year was bad, my high school was set up like a coll campus and we had 8min till first bell then the tardy (second) rang at the 10 mark......I was always just skimming in right after. I had a locker but I sure didn't even think about using it or I would have been late...my problem was I had to go from our one hundred building at the end of it to the 600 building, up and out to the end....I forgot to mention we were on a hill so we had three different sets of stairs.......I was so wore out by the time I got home I did homework and would pass out before diner and sleep through till morning....my nana had my brother thinking I was on drugs....Rolling Eyes 



hugs kal

1strappedboy


Sherrif
A number of variables here!

Like Ms Kitty, we had 3 minutes to transit between classes and so if your locker was on the 'wrong' side you either carried your books or you ran the risk of being late.

My schedule 'worked' in that I could carry 1/2 my stuff around for the AM session, hit the locker at lunchtime and trade out materials so I had all my afternoon needs.  The only classes that this didn't work for was shop and gym which were in the basement of the school.  Getting to shop took nearly all my time, but if I had to bring in newly washed gym clothes I'd be late as I had to stop at my locker and pick them up as I didn't want to carry them all morning.

I'd been late at the gym a couple of times and had gotten 'the warning'.  I had  my parents request a change of schedule which fixed that particular disaster.  

Dylan's instance provides no reason for the tardies and he's already had a 3 swat session.  As a practical issue, I hope this cures the 'lates'.  Now we proceed to the forged notice.

This is where Dylan and the strop will make their acquaintance with each other!  Lying, forgery, failure to own up to a behavior; these are the marks of a person I don't want to see him grow up to be.  I think among the subjects discussed before I roast him  are the need to 'man up' and be responsible for the things he does and not to hide things as that will always make it worse.  In addition, we need to find out EXACTLY what the problem is with the tardies and address it as needed.  I won't browbeat him about the paddling; it's over and done and I hope he wishes to avoid that in the future.  Then he will get 6 'of the better' with the strop to express my 'disapproval' of his handling of the situation.

kalico


Sherrif
Embarassed  I forgot about the forgery

The forgery will be a punishment for sure but the lateness I'll still have to check into that




Hugs kal

AFinch


Sherrif
Aside from the forgery, this isn't a new issue

From the scenario:
"Dylan was still being tardy and so you were called in for a conference with Dylan, the assistant principal and the guidance counselor. Dylan said he had no good reason for the tardiness. He said he just lost track of time."

That would have been the time to bring up a locker/lack of time issue if there were such an issue. He has specifically said he had no good reason and "just lost track of time".

Stone Man


Marshall
The notice talked about excessive and repeated tardiness. Presuming these do not include the ones we've already conferenced about, why have I not been called or e-mailed by the school that Dylan has gone back to his old ways? It seems to me that despite what Dyl has said something is going on that is causing continued tardiness and the school, Dyl and I need to get this worked out.

As far as my promised punishment, Dyl will be bared by me and end up over my lap for a long and thorough hand spanking of his bottom and legs. This will be followed by a session with Dyl bent over a chair and receiving 14 with the strop for the lie and forgery.

John Boy


Sherrif
Jack wrote:I see three issues here: the ridiculous tardies, the promised spanking, and the forgery.

While forgery is illegal, thus a switching offense, I feel like going a bit more childish with him - I'm undressing him and having him fetch the small Lexan, while I move to a desk chair, so I can take him over my lap.

Then we're going to pause and talk.  There is no excuse for this kind of BS, and I've honestly never heard of it.  You get out of one class, you head for the next one - if you get there early, you plant your butt and get ready for class.

If Dylan can't deal with this, then I'm going to see about having him sent to DAEP - I hate to do that, but I can't see any other alternative.  I'm also going to see what he says about the CP, but I really feel like he has something coming, though I might back off on exactly how intense I'm planning, depending on what he says.
I agree with Jack.

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Jack


Admin
1strappedboy wrote:the need to 'man up' and be responsible for the things he does and not to hide things as that will always make it worse.
Have you ever drove over the speed limit?

Did you stop and call a cop to confess?

I can't see this being a real issue. The boy knows what he has waiting at home, so you already removed all reason for him to be honest with you. I can see being upset at the forgery, and I'm worried that he can be 15 minutes late to third period (which presumes he's already on campus), but I'm not upset that he was trying to get away without additional CP. For that matter, since this is from today, it makes me really want to talk to the kid about incriminating himself (he should have waited until tomorrow morning to sign it, both in case he changed his mind, and to remove any chance of me seeing it).

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MemoryMan


Sherrif
............ "excessive and repeated tardiness."  The notice further states Dylan was fifteen minutes late to third period.....................

This effectively kills locker issues.Mad 

Doc has saved me a lot of typing.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
the only thing that saves Dylan from a switching is that he already got paddled. My concern is that this scenario implies that I am operating a spanked at school , spanked at home regime which always seems hard to me. I might feel different if Dylan hid a permission slip: and a detenton slip I would have absolutely no qualms over. Still I cannot let the attempted subterfuge or the forgery go. So Dylan will be getting another longer paddling from me and I will be writing a letter to the school and enclosing the forged slip. I will let the school know that I have dealt with it but suggest they impose a detention as well.

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I can't see myself issuing this sort of warning. In the first place, I would not let Dylan get away with such a non-committal response at the conference.  Regardless of what he says, there must be a reason for the tardiness. It may not be a valid reason from the school's point of view, but I still need to identify why he is habitually tardy. Maybe changing his schedule so that he is separated from some of his classmates might work if he is goofing off with them between classes. Perhaps he has some problem with particular teachers and doesn't want to admit it, but simply not wanting to be in class is the issue. Again, if that is the case, changing his schedule might help. I can't see how doubling up on punishment will result in anything except motivating Dylan to deceive me about school punishments. I think I'd have to backtrack on what I threatened here and find a better way of addressing the problem.

Kat

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Jack wrote:
1strappedboy wrote:the need to 'man up' and be responsible for the things he does and not to hide things as that will always make it worse.
Have you ever drove over the speed limit?

Did you stop and call a cop to confess?

I can't see this being a real issue.  The boy knows what he has waiting at home, so you already removed all reason for him to be honest with you.  I can see being upset at the forgery, and I'm worried that he can be 15 minutes late to third period (which presumes he's already on campus), but I'm not upset that he was trying to get away without additional CP.  For that matter, since this is from today, it makes me really want to talk to the kid about incriminating himself (he should have waited until tomorrow morning to sign it, both in case he changed his mind, and to remove any chance of me seeing it).
Heavens no!! I am concerned because I'm seeing a degree of sneakiness developing which I had in spades as a boy. Mine was developed as a defense mechanism against the overly 'robust' punishment doled out by Alex.

Two points; am I trending toward being like my stepfather, and if so, I need to knock it off!

Two: When you know you're 'busted', honesty is the best policy and you will have an easier time with me if you 'come clean' before I discover the mischief. That's something I've really drummed into the boys.

Jack


Admin
1strappedboy wrote:Two: When you know you're 'busted', honesty is the best policy and you will have an easier time with me if you 'come clean' before I discover the mischief.  That's something I've really drummed into the boys.
I guess it's okay to risk hijacking the thread, since it's a couple of days old.

Is 'honestly really the best policy'? I understand the reasons that it is, but from a boy's standpoint, I'm not sure it's always true.

Remember when your kid wrecked the car, and said it was because of a deer, but it was actually because of playing around? Being honest got them punished, after they'd gotten away with it. Sure, that was good for their conscience, but why was that best in any other way?

Keep in mind here that I'm at least partially playing devil's advocate, but there's also some truth in that. Unlike Icono, who seems to want to teach all his kids to indiscriminately break every rule, just because it is a rule, I think kids need to be learned to follow the rules as a general thing, then learn that they need to understand the reasons for the rules and the consequences for breaking them before not following them.

In the same way, being dishonest can bring worse consequences (it might have been an accident, but if you cover it up, I'm going to be more inclined to believe it was on purpose), but if you're chances are good of getting away with it...

I have to ask, if you'd been distracted from the road by something stupid, and it caused a wreck, would you tell your insurance company you'd crashed because of something stupid, or would you blame it on an imaginary deer?

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
True enough, Jack.  But don't forget too that I told them that "Had they been honest about it up front, punishment would have been less".

I know how easy it is to be economical with the truth when your butt is potentially on the line (and lord knows, I certainly was!) but unless you have someone like Alex as your dad, it is really best to be up front with things as the truth almost invariably 'comes out in the wash'.  That was my point before and the boys understood that too, perhaps belatedly.

I will say though that Darren wasn't so much worried about my busting his butt for him as much as he was scared of all the 'collateral damage' from a carelessness type accident; the increase of insurance rate, "You'll never let me drive again" and so forth.

Sadly, to answer the last question (and please let my boys never hear I said this) I'd probably have done the same thing; that does NOT make it right, however!!  I am trying to inculcate a sense of moral responsibility in the guys, and was actually glad at the end of the day that Jeffy's conscience bothered him sufficiently as to force him to 'fess up!



Last edited by 1strappedboy on Wed Oct 30, 2013 10:00 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Added last phrase, corrected a misspeling.)

Iconoclast


Trailboss
I do not really care about the forgery, though I would not allow the school to know what I really think. After all it gives me deniability in the future. The school spends entirely too much time on this bureaucratic nonsense.

If my son is so board that he is so often late I will consider taking him out of school and home schooling him.

Iconoclast

19 Re: BOTD 10/29/13 "Late Again!" A DMK Production on Wed Oct 30, 2013 11:55 am

Jack


Admin
Iconoclast wrote:The school spends entirely too much time on this bureaucratic nonsense.
Of course, if your kid would just get to class on time, rather than disrupting the teacher and other students when he finally decides to show, then they wouldn't have to spend time on the 'bureaucratic nonsense', would they? Razz

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Iconoclast


Trailboss
The bureaucratic nonsense to which I was referring was sending home a note, and requiring that I sign it. If my son feels the school is treating him unreasonably he can tell me and I will look into it. But if my son would rather I not know, I do not seriously object to him keeping it to himself. Nor should permission slips be required for every little thing. The fact that I send him to school should be enough, If my son has an objection he can tell me himself.

Iconoclast

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