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BOTD 11/19/13 "Sharing The Pain" A Memory Man Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
Sharing the Pain
A Memory Man Production

You don't spank your three sons very often; you regard spanking as the nuclear option for extremely bad behaviour.  However when the bomb does fall it leaves your two eldest boys smarting in awe of your grandfather's old strap - a replay of your youth.   Your hand still suffices for your youngest son, eleven year old Sam who, barring some heinous crime, is still almost a year away from first feeling its bite.

You also have a dog Rip - at least you buy its food and pay the Vet's bills - but the reality is that Rip is Sam's dog.  The two are inseparable, Sam is overall responsible for Rip, he feeds him, grooms him, takes him out for walks and has him trained almost to perfection.  Rip has that doggy sixth sense that has him always waiting behind the door to welcome Sam home from school and Sam normally does his homework with Rip at his feet..


Sam - 11 with Rip
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You have set a few ground rules; Rip sleeps downstairs, no feeding him titbits at the table and he must always be on the leash when in the street.  Sam has an issue with the latter, - he thinks it is unnecessary -  Rip always walks perfectly to heel - he insists, dismissing your argument that something could occur to spook him and make him run off.  It has become such an intractable issue that you have been forced to make disregarding the rule a spanking offence.

It is Saturday and Sam takes Rip out after breakfast for a good run in the nearby woods, but a couple of hours later you hear the squeal of brakes out in the street and the piteous yelping of an injured dog.  You dash outside to find Rip lying in the road with a hysterical Sam kneeling beside him.

You get Rip into the car and to the Vet's.  As you sit in the waiting room a tearful Sam snuggles into you, fearfully awaiting the result of the Vet's examination.  Thankfully the news isn't too dire; apart from some abrasions Rip's only discernible injury is a broken leg.  You authorise him to set it in plaster and while he is doing so Sam admits to you that he was walking Rip to heel when another big loose dog started harassing Rip who dived across to road towards home, straight into the side of a passing car.

"It's all my fault"  He starts castigating himself and as his tears flood you realise that natural consequences far outweigh any punishment you could impose for his disobedience; that what Sam needs now is comfort and support and you attempt to console him carefully avoiding any sort of 'told you so' comment.

On your return home you settle Rip in his bed - a sad picture, lying there partly sedated, his head encased in a veterinary collar to stop him biting his injury.  Sam plonks himself on the floor alongside him gently stroking him - and stays there.  Sam seems to settle a bit after a time but as the sedation wore off and Rip gave an occasional whimper Sam would tearfully apologise to him yet again.  Then later when you need to carry Rip out to his toilet patch and support him as he does the necessary Sam loses it all over again.

Your concern shifts from Rip to Sam who is proving inconsolable, tearing himself apart with his remorse.  Nothing that you his mother or brothers try can lift his black mood.  Your wife cooks his favourite meal but he only picks at it and quickly goes back to tending Rip.

Bed time comes.  Prising Sam away from Rip you have to order him upstairs to get ready for bed while his mother prepares his hot bedtime drink.  He's quickly down again, his eyes still puffy and red from crying, but you gasp when you see that he's wearing only his pyjama top and carrying the strap.  As you take it from him you ask him gently "I were to strap you now Sam, how do you think that would help Rip get better?"

Tears flood out again as he throws himself into your arms and buries his head in your chest.  Between sobs you hear "If I'd minded you poor Rip wouldn't be hurting now.  Its only fair I should be hurting too ............ And please, Please can Rip sleep in my room tonight?

Your mind goes into a spin.

"There's some logic there, Sam's obviously desperately hoping a hiding will expiate his guilt?
I did promise I'd spank for not using the leash at the roadside; but although I've decided to waive that I still haven't told him.
Should I. Can I,  in all honesty reinstate it considering the state he's in?  
Would I need to use the strap he's brought me?
How severe must I be to make him believe that he's truly paid the price?

Damn! There must a better way to bring him a closure ..... and enable him to sleep tonight?  

But how ..... and what??
And what about Rip overnight?"


Its decision time??


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AFinch


Sherrif
Rip will sleep with Sam.

I will, once again, point out that a whipping isn't going to "uninjure" Rip, and that Sam's cries of pain are likely to negatively affect Rip. I'm going to tell him he's hurting quite enough. And that some things can't be fixed with a whipping.

I'd bet the mortgage that Rip will remain on leash when he's in the street from now on. Thank Heaven he'll recover fully.

Jack


Admin
If Sam is allowed to sleep 'downstairs', what's the difference in letting him sleep in Sam's room. If I was afraid the boy would stay awake playing with him, it might make some difference. Obviously, a sick friend is a good reason to change things.

Yes, I'm going to spank him, and I should have done it much earlier. Sam is feeling intense grief, and he's probably been waiting for me to keep my word to him. I'm going to apologize to him for not doing it earlier, remind him he's too young for the strap, then demonstrate that I can still turn the hand above anything he's ever had before.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
Jack wrote:If Sam is allowed to sleep 'downstairs', what's the difference in letting him sleep in Sam's room. If I was afraid the boy would stay awake playing with him, it might make some difference.  Obviously, a sick friend is a good reason to change things.

Yes, I'm going to spank him, and I should have done it much earlier. Sam is feeling intense grief, and he's probably been waiting for me to keep my word to him.  I'm going to apologize to him for not doing it earlier, remind him he's too young for the strap, then demonstrate that I can still turn the hand above anything he's ever had before.
Rip gets to sleep in young Sams room for 1 night only. Theres no way I'm using the strap on Sam. I don't need to but unless it is no longer part of Sams punishment and he gets something heavier I am going to give him a hand spanking. I think the intimacy and pain of that and Rips injury will do do the job on Sam. Happy it is 'Get better soon Rip rather than RIP Rip.'

1strappedboy


Sherrif
There is a tremendous teaching moment/opportunity here.  I do need to have the 'I told you so moment' with him.  I think Doc is right that he gets it fully now but I want him to articulate that to me.

There is of course no way l'll strap him for this but a hand spanking firm enough to let him have a good cry to purge his guilt. 

Presuming that Rip can make it into the bed room, they can sleep together there or I'll set up the couch and he can still be by his friend's side.

John Boy


Sherrif
I agree with Jack

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Stone Man


Marshall
I think it would be easier for Sam to sleep downstairs that to get Rip up the stairs, so that is what I will arrange.

As far a punishing young Sam, a spanking was promised - NOT a strapping. From his actions, I feel Sam will benefit from a spanking and will deliver it to him as soon as I can get us some privacy.

David M. Katz


Marshall
Stone Man wrote:I think it would be easier for Sam to sleep downstairs that to get Rip up the stairs, so that is what I will arrange.

As far a punishing young Sam, a spanking was promised - NOT a strapping. From his actions, I feel Sam will benefit from a spanking and will deliver it to him as soon as I can get us some privacy.
I like this answer and so I shall ditto Stone.


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MemoryMan


Sherrif
An intriguing dilemma for Dad that has brought some varied responses so far.   It intrigued to the extent I carried on to write my own "solution" as soon as I'd finished composing the BOTD scenario........................

I was about to, very reluctantly, tip Sam across my lap when a light suddenly came on in my brain.

I have Sam clinging to me, beseeching me in his distress.  His mind is probably more receptive now than it has been all day.  I lift him up onto, rather than across my lap, hug him tightly and allow him a little time to calm before speaking - quietly and soothingly.

"Sam.  You ARE hurting.  Your mind is hurting, and its hurting you far worse than any hurt I could ever put into your bottom.  Rip's accident is not, as you keep saying, all your fault.  It is due to an unfortunate combination of circumstances.  If you'd set off at a different time or gone a different way it wouldn't have happened.  If that stray dog hadn't come along when it did it wouldn't have happened.  If you'd been walking on the other side of the road at the time it wouldn't have happened.  If the car driver had been going at a different speed it wouldn't have happened.  Rip is a strong dog and even if he had been on the leash - as he should have been - he might have pulled it out of your hand or even pulled you into the road with him.

I know I promised you a spanking if you didn't keep him on the leash at the roadside, but I had decided not to do it this time because I believed the consequences for poor Rip have punished you far more severely than I ever could.  Even now I still don't want to spank you but, if tomorrow, you still really feel you need that spanking then I will; but it will be a spanking for your disobedience and not a special big one with the strap for Rip's accident.

What poor Rip needs more than anything at the moment is rest.  He can stay in your room tonight if you promise me that you'll go to bed yourself, keep an eye on him from your bed but leave him alone to sleep undisturbed.  If a problem should arise during the night you can come and wake me.

Do you think you can do that for Rip?"

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ivor


Marshall
Basically I agree with your solution MM, but I think I'd be inclined to leave the pair of them to sleep downstairs rather than try carrying a large injured dog upstairs.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
MM I very much like the line you take MM but I suspect Sam will stick to his guns but will want to get his spanking over tonight. I suspect otherwise Rip will get a better nights sleep than he does

Padraig


Trailboss
Poor doggy, poor boy.

Though it would probably be possible to carry Rip upstairs without too much pain I won't do so. He has his place to sleep and so little Sammy has. And the latter is where we are goint to. I have the feeling that Sammy is close to breaking down anyway, this must have been exhausting for the boy.

He will get the spanking he wants and deserves. But I doubt I will have to do much. He probably will break into sobs within seconds. If not, he will get some taps with the belt (his brothers would probably laugh about them, so Sam is in for a shock when he gets his first real taste some day), in his worked up mind this should be enough. I will stay with him, rub his back and try to console him until he falls asleep.

And, just in case, I will put a pillow and a blanket near Rip's doggy bed...

Pi Beta


Deputy
If I were to allow Sam to have Rip in his room tonight, that will be the start of more problems. I'll be under pressure to allow him up every night and, as soon as he's fit, he'll be sleeping on, or even in, Sam's bed (a scenario I know well!), so, "No, sorry Sam, Rip's not going upstairs with you. Tonight you can have the inflatable bed downstairs and sleep by Rip so you can care for him if he's struggling and needs a drink after the anaesthetic.

"Your disobedience does warrant punishment, but your punishment has happened - Rip got hurt and you know it's partly your fault. Seeing him injured and in pain is a far greater punishment for you than any spanking - even a severe belting - would be. I'm not going to add to either your pain or Rip's. He'd be really upset if he saw me belt you now, and we don't want to upset him more."

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm in agreement with Kier. Sam has to learn that sometimes you just have to suffer guilt. Spanking Sam would only upset Rip; it can't uninjure him.

I can't see any reason not to have Rip in Sam's room and in his bed all the time. I've always slept with my pets, which is probably why I never had a favorite stuffed animal to sleep with. Why cuddle up with a teddy bear when you can cuddle up with a real cat or dog?

Kat

Jack


Admin
Kat wrote:Why cuddle up with a teddy bear when you can cuddle up with a real cat or dog?
Because teddy bears don't milk tread, cough up hair balls, or decide you need to wake up and play with them in the middle of the night.

On the other hand, I've pretty much always had cats sleeping with me, too.

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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
Jack wrote:
Kat wrote:Why cuddle up with a teddy bear when you can cuddle up with a real cat or dog?
Because teddy bears don't milk tread, cough up hair balls, or decide you need to wake up and play with them in  the middle of the night.

On the other hand, I've pretty much always had cats sleeping with me, too.
Teddy bears don't purr either. No Nor do they generate heat on a cold night. I'll always be grateful to my parents for understanding that kids' having pets is far more important than a house that has no stains or fur on the carpet and upholstery.

Kat

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Amen, Kat!! 

As kids, our pets were strictly outside animals!!!


I insisted that Max live inside the house with us as a family member even though that resulted in a lot of 'feedback' from Lyn.  I wanted the boys to have him in the house with them and if the price of that was some stray hair on the furniture that was small price to pay for the companionship the kids got/get from having him in the house with them!

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