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BOTD 12/25/13 "I'm Not A Kid!" A DMK Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
I'M NOT A KID!
A DMK Production

Your thirteen year old son, Wade, is still subject to spanking.

Every year you host a huge Holiday dinner at your house for all of your family and extended family. There is always a large crowd. You still follow the tradition of setting up a kid's table for the younger participants. This year Wade was promised that he would be "promoted" to the adult table.

Your brother brings an unexpected guest - a new lady friend he recently started dating. The fact that your brother left his wife, who the entire family loved, for this lady does not sit well with the family. The new guest meant there was no room to fit Wade in at the adult table. You tried to fit in another chair but were unable to do so. There is room at the kid table for Wade. You pull Wade aside and explain he will need to sit at the kid table again this year.

Wade throws a very verbal fit and storms off to the other room and refuses to have dinner with the family. It is causing a scene but Wade continues his tantrum saying he is not a kid and he isn't going to sit at the kid's table. He says you all can just have dinner without him. The whole family is now watching and you try to calmly coax Wade to dinner. Wade now starts in on a verbal tirade about his uncle and his new girlfriend. He openly expresses his feelings about his uncle and the new mistress. He says some very rude things but has only spoke what the rest of the family feels.

Your brother chimes in and asks you, "Are you going to let him talk to you like that and are you going to let him stand there and insult Baby and me in front of the whole family?" Your brother then adds, "You know Dad would have already busted our ass if we talked to an adult like that."

Wade continues his tirade and still refuses to come to dinner if he has to sit with the kids. He points at his uncle's new lady and says, "Make her sit with the kids."

WADE - 13 (Refusing To Come To Dinner)
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How do you handle this? Where does Wade sit for dinner? Will he even feel like sitting down for his dinner?


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John Boy


Sherrif
I am going to pull him aside even more, and mention that he may not be a "kid" anymore, but he sure is acting like one. I can't say that even with the disrespect I can punish him, I should be upset with my brother for dropping in an extra guest without letting me know so I could plan. In fact you know, the kids are more fun then the adults anyway, and someone should keep an eye on them. Razz I guess that is me this year LOL!

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ivor


Marshall
Wade weighed in with some weighty comments.

Is his goose cooked? Or does it need basting?

I just don't have the stuffing to deal with this now, so I'm going to chicken out, duck the issue and send him to his room which solves the problem of which table he sits at. And at least he can still sit which he can take as a bonus Christmas present from me.

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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I would have snagged myself a seat at the kids' table to avoid having to sit with my brother and his lady friend, thus sparing everyone the scene. However, the scenario doesn't give me the option of preemptive action, so I'll have to do the best I can in the circs. I'll start by apologizing to my brother. Even if the apology is insincere, it's necessary to salvage not only this evening, but also our relationship. I'll say something along the lines of, "I'm very sorry for Wade's outburst, but he is naturally disappointed, as he has been counting on sitting at the adults' table. I hope in the spirit of Christmas that you'll forgive him." Then I'll volunteer to take the seat at the kids' table. Unless I'm mistaken, there will be other defectors to the kids' table, as well. Later, I'm going to suggest privately to my brother that he will sooner win the family's acceptance of his girlfriend by not thrusting her into situations where he knows she will be unwelcome and likely face hostility. I expect Wade will feel ashamed of himself after he reflects on his behavior, so I won't say any more to him.

Some tips to make a kids' table a desired spot:

1) Take some pains to decorate it. Nothing sucks more for kids than to sit down at a table set with a crappy vinyl tablecloth and crummy dishes.

2) Make the decorations reflect the age of the kids who will be sitting there, and if there is great disparity in ages, consider having more than one table.

3) For very young kids, consider a table with lots of activities: a butcher block "tablecloth" for them to decorate, for instance, can be fun. Set cups with a few crayons at each seat. Afterwards, just toss it in the trash.

3) For the tweens to teenagers, use a real tablecloth, but perhaps one that is more festive than the formal cloth likely to be at the adult table. Polyester cloths are widely available, wash well, and are cheap at discount linen stores, such as Anna's (or dollar stores).

3) Invest in a set of non-breakable dishes for the younger ones. Melamine dishes work well and can be used year after year. You can often find brightly-colored plastic and melamine dishes and acrylic drinkware in summer clearance sales. If you are willing to spend a bit more, you can buy melamine plates with holiday decorations.

4) Don't use plastic cutlery. If you don't have enough place settings of your good flatware, buy some inexpensive supplementary flatware at Ikea or hit the thrift stores.

5) For older kids, you might consider using high-end paper plates, which often can mimic very expensive holiday china. Or you can buy some of the inexpensive holiday dishes -- check thrift stores and you may get the settings at huge bargains.

6) Candles really add to a table, so use candles. LED candles provide the beautiful effects without the danger of fire.

7) Let the older kids handle the decorating duties for kids' tables. They have the energy and imagination to make them special.

8 ) If you have to use folding chairs, buy some cushions for them; buy slipcovers if you can afford them.

Kat

Pi Beta


Deputy
Wade is going to his room for the rest of the day, or at least until my brother and girlfriend depart. Whatever his thoughts on the situation, even though they correspond largely to mine, he should have learned by now when and how to react to such situations.

I can't believe that my brother and his girlfriend will not be aware of the atmosphere they have created. They should also be able to read my disapproval from the fact that Wade has just been despatched to his room rather than given the leathering they think he should have received (and will know that I'm not averse to roasting his behind when I think he deserves it). Seeing me go up there with his food from each course rather than leathering him should also give them the message that they aren't exactly welcome. I hope they will take the multiple hints - both from me and other family members - and will choose to leave early, after which I will bring Wade down from his room to join the rest of the family.

Before letting him join them, however, I will have a long talk with him in which I will express my strong disapproval for his petulant behaviour. How he chooses to apologise to the rest of the family will determine whether he will be going to bed with a sore backside, a very sore backside or an unmarked one. I will probably also be guided by the amount of sympathy or otherwise Wade receives from the other adults in the family.

Jack


Admin
"Wade, go to your room NOW! (Brother), Dad would have also busted your ass for bringing a guest without any warning, so I'll appreciate it if you keep your opinion to yourself."

I'm not sure of the geography of all this, and I should have tried to get Wade in private to discuss this. On the other hand, a promise was made to Wade, and it was broken because of his Uncle's bad manners.

I wish this hadn't gone this far, and Wade and I need to have a serious talk about hospitality and the proper way to discuss things, but I understand the feeling of being lied to and betrayed too much to punish him for his reaction. Besides, he's going to have to face these people for years, with his knowledge of them seeing him humiliate himself like this.

IF, Wade goes to his room, I'll calm everyone down, then I'll go to Wade, apologize to him, tell him I'm not spanking him for it, but that I'm very upset and disappointed with him. If my brother and his baby didn't leave after my comments to him, then I'll sit at the children's table.

The conversation is probably more interesting there anyway.


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John Boy


Sherrif
Jack wrote:"Wade, go to your room NOW!  (Brother), Dad would have also busted your ass for bringing a guest without any warning, so I'll appreciate it if you keep your opinion to yourself."

I'm not sure of the geography of all this, and I should have tried to get Wade in private to discuss this.  On the other hand, a promise was made to Wade, and it was broken because of his Uncle's bad manners.  

I wish this hadn't gone this far, and Wade and I need to have a serious talk about hospitality and the proper way to discuss things, but I understand the feeling of being lied to and betrayed too much to punish him for his reaction.  Besides, he's going to have to face these people for years, with his knowledge of them seeing him humiliate himself like this.

IF, Wade goes to his room, I'll calm everyone down, then I'll go to Wade, apologize to him, tell him I'm not spanking him for it, but that I'm very upset and disappointed with him.  If my brother and his baby didn't leave after my comments to him, then I'll sit at the children's table.  

The conversation is probably more interesting there anyway.
Uncle Jack at the kids table, now everyone has to be on their best behavior LOL Razz

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David M. Katz


Marshall
I agree, the kid's table will have much better conversation.

I will send Wade to his room until he pulls himself together. I will sit at the kid table and when Wade is ready he can come down and take a seat at the adult table.


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Jack


Admin
John Boy wrote:Uncle Jack at the kids table, now everyone has to be on their best behavior LOL Razz

I usually liked being with the younger kids, though it could be annoying at times. The thing is, I was the oldest kid by a considerable margin (Matt is 2 1/2 years younger than me, then there's a bigger jump than that). It wasn't bad with Mom's family, but with Dad's family, I have an aunt and (had) a step-uncle who were both only a year or two older than me, but they were 'adults' and I was still 'a kid'.

Frustrating at times.


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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Ah gods; the dreaded 'kid's table'!!!  How much I despised this as an older kid.  It is anathema at casa Racikov/Szymancik!!

We set tables in the great room up in a "U" with a buffet table at its head.  Each family eats with their own and we 'socialize' after we eat!  This eliminates the whole issue and besides, we're in close enough proximity that we can still talk to whomever we wish.

As to this situation, I need to defuse rather a lot of issues!  Wade will at some point need to apologize for his rudeness so that life may go on.  For the now he can stew in his room and cool off.  I made a promise to him and should have fulfilled it by either giving up my seat (going to the kid's table) or made some other accommodation-even if it meant adding a non-matching table to the adult's.  I KNOW that I'll talk privately to my brother about HIS lack of think through by bringing 'her' unannounced!  As far as what "dad would have done by now" is concerned, I don't give a rat as I'm not dad!!

Padraig


Trailboss
We don't have a kids' table either. During the meal the kids sits either by their parents or where they want to sit. After the meal they usually build their groups since even at 13 adults' talk can become boring rather quickly.

Anyway, as the scenario says we have a kids table... well, either he comes back and take his seat or he will go hungry. We can deal with the other issues later.

Iconoclast


Trailboss
This problem would not have happened to me because I would have already invited my sons cousins and their mother, my disloyal adulterous brother would NOT have been invited nor his whore! Christmas is about kids and family, my brother by abandoning his family also abandoned family celebrations!

Iconoclast

squarecutter


Sherrif
Christmas is about family togetherness. I think Adults and kids should be sitting alongside each other.There is plenty of time to socialise with your own age. May be the oldest should be at the "head" of the kids table as a boost to self esteem. As for Andy I'm not going to spank. He will have to sit where put , if he sits at all. I do want him to apologize but if he chooses not he can staying his room for the duration or come out when ready to. A sulking teen is no festive company for anyone. Next year it will be arranged differently. After all, all the kids will grow up sooner or later. I am sure my brother has felt the weight of the family disapproval though I almost feel sorry for his young lady

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