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BOTD 01-15-2014 Drake's in Detention - A DMK Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
DRAKE'S IN DETENTION
A DMK Production

Your eleven year old son, Drake, has an ongoing issue. He is talkative in class to the point of disruption. The school has tried various punishments (Drake's school can't paddle him) with poor results. You have talked with Drake and had a conference with his teachers. You and Drake and his teachers have all worked on strategies to help with the problem. The school finally decided to use detention with Drake to see if that would help. Last week Drake received detention twice for talking in class. After the second detention you told Drake that if he ended up in detention again that he would get a spanking from you.

Today Drake earned another detention but it was not for talking. Drake was caught chewing gum in class.


DRAKE - 11 (In Detention)
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Is he still in for a spanking?


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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
In a word.. yes


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John Boy


Sherrif
Did I really leave a black and white threat on the table? We shall discuss it and see but I am not sure. Although most schools have the no gum policy so I guess he should have known better. EmbarassedEmbarassed

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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
If the promise of a spanking was very clearly linked to the talking issue, then I won't spank Drake. I'll only spank if I was clear that any trouble at all would mean a spanking at home. I doubt, however, that spanking will accomplish what other punishments have failed to do.

The problem seems to be that the social reward for talking outweighs any potential punishments. Does the school allow the students time for socializing? When schools cut out recess, along with classes that have a more relaxed atmosphere, such as PE, art and music, kids have no release. If this is the case at Drake's school, then I need to press for changes or move him to a more child-friendly setting.

If the school environment is not the problem, then I need to work with the school to create a realistic behavior modification plan, with both consequences and rewards. Imagine you're an 11-year-old boy, such as Drake. You start the day out with good intentions, but it takes only one lapse for you to land in detention (and then also get spanked). It doesn't matter how hard you tried and how well you did; all that matters is that one lapse. You probably won't have a lot of incentive for trying. You probably will feel overwhelmed. With this sort of chronic problem, it's important not to frustrate a kid into feeling he has no reason even to try. It's better to establish realistic, manageable objectives and avoid an all-or-nothing mindset. His failures during a day shouldn't wipe out his successes.

Kat

Stone Man


Marshall
The way I read it, the next detention would earn Drake a spanking. I'll give my boy a chance to plead his case because he may have understood it to pertain only to detentions for talking/disrupting class.

It's true that other punishments have not had the effect I was hopping for, but since spanking has not been tried for this I will be trying it sooner or later. And if Drake is able to convince me of his point of view I will be making it clear to him that from this point forward he can expect a lickin' for three of the same offense or a total of any four offenses, mix or match.

I will initiate contact with the school to see what we can work up as a team to end Drake's problem behavior.

ivor


Marshall
Maybe he was trying chewing gum to distract him from the need to talk?

So, Drake may be able to duck a spanking - this time - as his detention isn't for talking in class which was the cause of the others.

In a more serious vein, I take Kat's point, but Drake is 11 not 5 or 6. A boy of that age ought to be capable of obeying the rules. Presumably this is a recent problem so I guess we do need to try and find the cause.

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AFinch


Sherrif
I agree with Kat.

MemoryMan


Sherrif
The issue the school and I are co-operating to address is disruptive behaviour.  Gum chewing does not fall under this category and unless I'm operating a a double jeopardy  regime I see no need to become involved.

If, in fact, chewing gum appears to be aiding his concentration and lessening disruption I may even suggest to the school that, providing spent gum doesn't start appearing on floor surfaces, a bit of latitude (on a temporary basis) may be appropriate.

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Jack


Admin
I think I can back off without looking weak. "Sorry, I meant another detention for talking; I should have been more clear."

I also think that I need to really talk to Drake to figure out what all this is about. I can kind of see an occasional, forgetful lapse into talkativeness, but I can't see chewing gum in class at all. We need to find out why all this is going on. I think we'll try putting a progressive discipline plan into effect, where I'll review what the school has done, review his previous record, then make additions (if needed). He can expect to start getting a sore butt and losing privileges if he doesn't straighten up pretty quickly.


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Jack


Admin
Kat wrote: Imagine you're an 11-year-old boy, such as Drake. You start the day out with good intentions, but it takes only one lapse for you to land in detention (and then also get spanked). It doesn't matter how hard you tried and how well you did; all that matters is that one lapse. You probably won't have a lot of incentive for trying. You probably will feel overwhelmed. With this sort of chronic problem, it's important not to frustrate a kid into feeling he has no reason even to try.

The only problem with this is that dozens of kids manage it every day. Then again, I might be biased because the schools around here do still have recess (for elementary and intermediate), P.E., and electives. However, I will agree that any discipline plan (such as I mentioned above) has to have rewards and... deadlines (like my strike system, where a mistake goes away after a bit), else it does become overwhelming and draconian.


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squarecutter


Sherrif
Its all of a piece. Drake is not behaving himself in class and at 11 I'm sure he knows chewing gum in class is against the rules. So Drakes getting paddled and he will be on low tolerance with his behaviour at school till we hear things have improved

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
Jack wrote:The only problem with this is that dozens of kids manage it every day.

Of course, that is true, but all it tells us is that discipline methods that are working for those other kids are failing with Drake. Some kids struggle harder than others to sit still and be quiet. An introverted child will have an easier time being quiet than an extroverted child, just as a less active child will have find sitting still easier than a kid with a very high energy level. I'm sure that a complex set of factors affects behavior, which may include the child's genetics, his sex and his gender, and his environment at home. If Drake's parents and teachers are going to help him, they must look at him as an individual and not simply blame him because he is having difficulty meeting the standard of behavior. To me, an all-or-nothing proposition -- if you get detention for talking again, then you also get spanked -- makes as much sense as telling a kid struggling with a math concept that if he incorrectly answers one problem, he will receive zero credit for an assignment or test. It's ironically holding the struggling child to a higher standard than all the others, as well.

Kat

Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
Chewing gum? I'm definitely going to whack him.

Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
Chewing gum? I'm definitely going to whack him.

ivor


Marshall
Emlyn Morgan wrote:Chewing gum?  I'm definitely going to whack him.

A double whacking Sir Em?

I would though if it was bubble gum rather than chewing gum

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Pi Beta


Deputy
Having promised him a spanking, he's going to get one but I'm wondering if we can set up a scenario where he will suffer others disrupting something he really likes doing so he can see how infuriating that can be. He needs to experience it at first hand.

Perhaps the school will ask him to give a five minute presentation on his hobby but arrange that nobody will pay him any attention as they chatter amongst themselves. When it ends in tears and frustration from him, he'll be let in on the scenario and be allowed to deliver it again in silence. If the other pupils find his interruptions and chatting as annoying as I suspect they do, I'm sure they will play along with it.



Last edited by Pi Beta on Wed Jan 15, 2014 10:15 am; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Spelling)

1strappedboy


Sherrif
In our house this situation would be rather unlikely as they know the "trouble@school=trouble@home" edict is in force. That being said, if one of the kids have a behavior issue, we deal with it before it comes to this point.

For the sake of the scenario, Drake escapes spanking for talking, though he gets one for chewing gum with the admonition that if he gets in trouble for talking in class that spanking will be worse!  Shocked 

Padraig


Trailboss
I don't think I would spank him for the chewing gum, but he is on thin ice.

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