Bransom, TX

a discussion place for our web site


You are not connected. Please login or register

24 February 2014 - The Group Rate

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

1 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:12 pm

Jack


Admin
There's a group of teenage boys, centered around, but not limited to, your boys.  

Last night, some of those boys were bored, so they went to see a movie.


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

You're fairly strict about curfew and the boys know it.  You've always treated the entire group like they were your own, and their parents back you up (and treat your own kids the same).  Normally, when the boys need a consequence, you offer them a choice between losing their car keys, some type of grounding or restriction, and swats.  Most of the time, they boys chose swats, just to get it over with.

Tonight, the boys want something besides burgers to eat.  They stop at a nicer place, but it takes a while to get seated, a while to get their order, and they miss the show.  It's in two theaters, so they go to the next show.  For some reason, they don't think to notify you about the change.  When you realize they're late, you try to call, but they all have their phones off.

Normally you'd give them the choice between being grounded for one day, losing their car keys for the weekend, 3 swats on boxers or two bare.  The problem is that Noah and Blake promised to help with their brothers' birthday party the next day, so they can't be grounded.  Johnny doesn't have a driver's license yet.  Doug is already restricted from driving for another four days.  Eli has a school function tomorrow afternoon.  That leaves only Barry who would have a complete choice.

So, do you offer them all whatever choices are appropriate, do you limit the choices they can all make, or do you just chose for them in this case?


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

2 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:15 pm

John Boy


Sherrif
well They did back themselves into a corner but I can't push that corner or it could get ugly. I shall give modified choices and maybe up the ante a bit on the swats. and see where that takes us.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

3 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Sun Feb 23, 2014 6:33 pm

StevieWeeks


Trailboss
In this case I might seek some alternative punishment such as some extra chores... I would also make it clear that they weren't being punished for being late but for *NOT* letting me know they were going to be late. I'm not *that* sticky about curfew as long as I know where they are and approximately what they are doing.  

Stevie.

4 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Sun Feb 23, 2014 7:28 pm

AFinch


Sherrif
Is it an "all or none" choice for punishment? That is does everyone have to be punished the same?

If so, the choices are limited to swats (three boxers or two bare). If not, I'll let them choose with the constraint that they can't choose a consequence that keeps them from honoring a prior commitment.

5 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Sun Feb 23, 2014 8:00 pm

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Swats for one and all!

We're fairly strict about curfew, especially on an school night but I'm more bent out of shape over the lack of a 'courtesy call'. Had someone had the presence of mind to simply call home and let us know there would likely have been no problem; they can contemplate that factoid as they nurse a sore rear before bed!

6 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Sun Feb 23, 2014 9:28 pm

Stone Man


Marshall
Since in the past most of the time the boys have chosen swats than that is what I would go with this time. The choice of punishment is mine to set and swats would work best for the majority this time.

7 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Mon Feb 24, 2014 2:12 am

MemoryMan


Sherrif
Hmm! ............??

The boys adapted their plans due to unforeseen circumstances but didn't bother to let me know.

Why?

Was it just forgetfulness? .......or had they concluded that I was so inflexible and hidebound with my rules that I would likely have spoiled their evening by ordering them to miss the movie and return home?

The boys are at an age when they can reasonably be cut a bit of slack and if the latter reason is true I'm on the cusp of losing the boy's respect unless I lighten up a bit.

I'm going to chew them up but the topic will be thoughtfulness, consideration and courtesy - and that will be the ONLY consequence.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=MemoryMan

8 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Mon Feb 24, 2014 3:50 am

Jack


Admin
MemoryMan wrote:Hmm! ............??

The boys adapted their plans due to unforeseen circumstances but didn't bother to let me know.

Why?

Was it just forgetfulness? .......or had they concluded that I was so inflexible and hidebound with my rules that I would likely have spoiled their evening by ordering them to miss the movie and return home?

The boys are at an age when they can reasonably be cut a bit of slack and if the latter reason is true I'm on the cusp of losing the boy's respect unless I lighten up a bit.

I'm going to chew them up but the topic will be thoughtfulness, consideration and courtesy - and that will be the ONLY consequence.

I was going to respond to Stevie's post, but yours covers his comments and a bit more.

No, I'm not that sticky about curfew. They have a time to be home (varies a bit depending on who's going and what they're doing, but usually midnight on a Friday or Saturday), but I'm willing to change it if there's a halfway decent reason (even if they just want to squeeze in two things).

I would imagine, in this case, that they didn't call because they were in the middle of things, and trying to adapt to what was going on, and 'update dad' just wasn't in the mix.

One of the reasons that I am strict about stuff like this is that tardiness is the number one reason for employees being fired. I've let a lot of people go, not because they didn't have good reasons to be late, but simply because of stuff like this, where they didn't bother to give me any notice (or even call), when they knew they weren't going to be able to make it. I'm trying to make sure that's something that my kids won't do.


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

9 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Mon Feb 24, 2014 5:04 am

squarecutter


Sherrif
Swats all round I think boys. I think I will lay out the problems with other consequences and they can work it out for themselves. The only other option is delaying restrictions till these things are out the way but that slightly defeats the object

10 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:16 am

Padraig


Trailboss
I hope the movie was a good one...

11 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Tue Feb 25, 2014 12:44 am

kalico


Sherrif
I will let them choose ....I'm sure they know what they would be misding and if that is what they want instead of swats then so be it.... im like most I'm more bent out of shape as to NO call home and it being a school night.

You sound allot like my nana and brother/dad on owning a buissness and making sure your kids learn....we were always tought that EARLY was good but late was bad  affraid 

You know what I just turned 42 and I HAVE NEVER been late for anything! Always early.....lol



Hugs kal

12 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Tue Feb 25, 2014 3:25 am

Jack


Admin
kalico wrote:You know what I just turned 42 and I HAVE NEVER been late for anything! Always early.....loll

I'm not going to say I've never been late, because sometimes things happen, and you just can't help it.

On the other hand, I've done things with other people, where I was ready and waiting... and waiting.. and waiting, and when we were late, they were like 'no big deal.'




For my own part, I think I would have explained to Blake and Noah that they weren't able to chose restriction, because I wasn't letting them out of helping with their little brothers' party, like they'd promised. At that point, I'd ask them if it was more fair to make all the other boys take the paddle, because the two of them didn't have a choice, or if everyone else should have a choice. I think that once it was explained like that, they wouldn't resent the other boys having options they didn't.

HOWEVER, I have to admit this didn't actually happen. The basic scenario happened, but they called me this time (I don't remember who it was exactly last time, but this same basic thing has happened before). Since Noah and Blake had promised to go to the mall with us Saturday to help with the kids, those two things just got me thinking, and it seemed a decent BOTD scenario.


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

13 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:25 am

mahoover


Cowboy
I'm glad that the boys are learning from their brother's mistakes. Smile

14 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Tue Feb 25, 2014 7:57 am

squarecutter


Sherrif
Jack wrote:
kalico wrote:You know what I just turned 42 and I HAVE NEVER been late for anything! Always early.....loll

I'm not going to say I've never been late, because sometimes things happen, and you just can't help it.

On the other hand, I've done things with other people, where I was ready and waiting... and waiting.. and waiting, and when we were late, they were like 'no big deal.'




For my own part, I think I would have explained to Blake and Noah that they weren't able to chose restriction, because I wasn't letting them out of helping with their little brothers' party, like they'd promised.  At that point, I'd ask them if it was more fair to make all the other boys take the paddle, because the two of them didn't have a choice, or if everyone else should have a choice.  I think that once it was explained like that, they wouldn't resent the other boys having options they didn't.

HOWEVER, I have to admit this didn't actually happen.  The basic scenario happened, but they called me this time (I don't remember who it was exactly last time, but this same basic thing has happened before).  Since Noah and Blake had promised to go to the mall with us Saturday to help with the kids, those two things just got me thinking, and it seemed a decent BOTD scenario.

A small thought Jack, If you weren't letting Noah and Blake out of helping at a party, technically , doing so would not be a breach of their restrictions. Could that alter your approach had  they not called.Question

15 Re: 24 February 2014 - The Group Rate on Tue Feb 25, 2014 1:16 pm

Jack


Admin
squarecutter wrote:
Jack wrote:
kalico wrote:You know what I just turned 42 and I HAVE NEVER been late for anything! Always early.....loll

I'm not going to say I've never been late, because sometimes things happen, and you just can't help it.

On the other hand, I've done things with other people, where I was ready and waiting... and waiting.. and waiting, and when we were late, they were like 'no big deal.'




For my own part, I think I would have explained to Blake and Noah that they weren't able to chose restriction, because I wasn't letting them out of helping with their little brothers' party, like they'd promised.  At that point, I'd ask them if it was more fair to make all the other boys take the paddle, because the two of them didn't have a choice, or if everyone else should have a choice.  I think that once it was explained like that, they wouldn't resent the other boys having options they didn't.

HOWEVER, I have to admit this didn't actually happen.  The basic scenario happened, but they called me this time (I don't remember who it was exactly last time, but this same basic thing has happened before).  Since Noah and Blake had promised to go to the mall with us Saturday to help with the kids, those two things just got me thinking, and it seemed a decent BOTD scenario.

A small thought Jack, If you weren't letting Noah and Blake out of helping at a party, technically , doing so would not be a breach of their restrictions. Could that alter your approach had  they not called.Question

Technically that might be true, but since the 'party' was a trip to the mall, including Lego land, a nice lunch, the aquarium, and the maze, I don't think I could have accepted it as such in this case.


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

Sponsored content


View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum