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BOTD 3/20/14 "Did You Really Say . . . ?" A Squarecutter Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
DID YOU REALLY SAY, "WAIT UNTIL YOUR FATHER GETS HOME?"
A Squarecutter Production


Danny has just had his 10th birthday. He is usually a good boy but he has his moments, like today. Your spouse rang you at work to say that she had had asked Danny to tidy his room for the umpteenth time and it had  become a row with Danny using the F word three times. When she finally sent him to his room and brought the paddle in a few minutes later Danny again refused to cooperate saying, "Now I'm ten you're not going to spank me anymore."  She says she said, "Well, maybe you'd just prefer to wait 'til your Father gets home," and got a defiant "Yes!" from Danny.

DANNY - 10
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How do you deal with this?


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David M. Katz


Marshall
It may be possible that Danny is starting to "mature" just a little early but most likely, for whatever reason, he's just feeling uncomfortable with a spanking from his mom.

I will ask for Danny to be put on the phone. I will explain how waiting is not going to be pleasant for him as it is tough to go on with life having a spanking hanging over your head. I will also tell Danny that I consider his disrespect to his mom (I will have already clarified with her that she was not over reacting) to be serious and he can expect a serious spanking. But, in this case, if he wants to wait then I'll spank him when I get home.

This is something that we need to sit down as a family and discuss so as everyone will be clear as to how things will happen in the future.


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm sure I'd have made it clear to my spouse already that I'm not an executioner. If punishment waits until I'm home, then I hear both sides of the issue. I want to know why Danny lost his temper badly enough to use such language and why he prefers to take his punishment from me. Perhaps he doesn't want an angry parent to punish him, perhaps he is, as Katz says, starting puberty very early, perhaps he thinks having Mom spank him is embarrassing for other reasons, or perhaps something else is going on. In any case, I'll do my best to sort things out and be fair.

Kat

AFinch


Sherrif
Ten is pretty young for such defiance.  Like Katz, I will ask to speak to him.  Like Kat, I will take what he has to say under consideration.

If he is still adamant he prefers to wait until I come home, we will do so.  In that case, we three will talk together first, and then we two alone.  Unless there is some compelling reason for the refusal, he's going to be getting spanked for disobeying (not cleaning his room), using the F word to his mum (inexcusable), and finally for his further disobedience when she attempted to deal with him herself--in other words, he's in for probably the worst spanking of his life.



Last edited by AFinch on Wed Mar 19, 2014 3:58 pm; edited 1 time in total

John Boy


Sherrif
Ditto the Katz and KIer KLUB

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Jack


Admin
From the simple fact that 'my spouse' told Danny for the 'umpteenth time', it sounds like she has consistency issues. I've seen this before, and kids do get resentful over it.

I'm going to give Danny a chance to explain his side, but I'll assume that the scenario describes things accurately. I will certainly find out why he prefers to await a spanking from me, but I'm guessing it's either anger at the inconsistency or modesty issues (10 seems a bit young for that, but...).

Danny is definitely getting spanked, and I'm going to explain why. Then my spouse and I will be having a discussion about how things should be handled in the future.


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squarecutter


Sherrif
I don't think this is early development but that Danny feels he reached a big landmark on his 10th birthday. Defying mum is his way of saying now he's 10 he's not her little boy any more and that he sees being subjugated by her with a paddle as beneath the dignity of a 10 year old. I think I will also get my spouse to put Danny on the phone. I will tell him that to spare his dignity I will paddle him when he gets home but that I really don't want to be seen as the ogre when I come home. I will mention three things


1 he wont enjoy having to wait all day for a sore bottom from me

2 I will ensure it will be as hard as anything he has had before because of the rudeness and disrespect he has shown which are not what I expect from a son of mine never mind a big boy of 10

3 He is confined to the house for the rest of the day, WILL pick up his room to his mother satisfaction and WILL show her more respect(at this stage I will not seek to demand he apologize, it needs to come from the hearts) or he will get the spanking of his 10 year old life.

Later on and this is not for Dannys ears yet we will discuss whether we should alter the way Danny is disciplined, and me not always being the bad guy is certainly on the agenda. Hopefully after this Danny will prefer to get it over with


Iconoclast


Trailboss
I basically agree with Kat, but if she bothers me at work I will be biased against her on that basis!

Iconoclast

Stone Man


Marshall
I have a fairly sane wife. The chores being asked of Danny are within what he has done in the past.

I understand the "umpteenth" time bit, as Danny is normally well behaved and I too would have expected him to do his chores when asked the first time.

I did Danny's hair with him in the tub last night... puberty ain't even a hint as of yet.

I will talk with Dan and my spouse on the phone. Danny can either co-operate and let his Mom spank him now, or regret it when I get home. Either way his Mom WILL be part of his spanking. Afterwards we can talk about why I should be the only one to have the pleasure of blistering his cute little butt every once and awhile.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Like Stoney, my spouse is (usually) pretty sane so if she's this frustrated there had to be a real issue to make her that way.

I'll have her put the little guy on the phone and he can explain to me what his issues are and perhaps I'll be able to diffuse the anger here. The fact of the matter remains that his disobedience has driven his mother to distraction and he used the F-bombX3 in her direction which is something I would never permit.

At 10, he is a big boy and can now prepare for his first taste of the strop for being such a brat! affraid 

kalico


Sherrif
I agree with the general consensus on this...

To be fair though on the MOM ... .... I see this with my kids friends, my friends kids and me even as a kid that when asked by my nana (or any female)we all kinda had the "yeah yeah... In a minute tude" but boy if it was my brother, uncle or friends dad (male) we moved and got it done.... And my nana and aunts were consistent but for some reason you males walk in and you just have that authority about you that kids pick up on......


Hugs kal

ivor


Marshall
I'd go with Stoney's approach provided I have the time to get into a lengthy discussion with both parties while at work, but even if I had I consider leaving it for further discussion when I get home as Kat indicated is the better answer. By then both parties should have cooled down and be able to hold a more rational discussion.

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MemoryMan


Sherrif
What on earth is my wife thinking of, calling me at work on such a trivial and private matter?  She knows that I'm likely to be working with colleagues within hearshot.  I'll tell her (curtly) that I'm busy and will deal with it later.


Kat wrote:I'm sure I'd have made it clear to my spouse already that I'm not an executioner. If punishment waits until I'm home, then I hear both sides of the issue. I want to know why Danny lost his temper badly enough to use such language and why he prefers to take his punishment from me. Perhaps he doesn't want an angry parent to punish him, perhaps he is, as Katz says, starting puberty very early, perhaps he thinks having Mom spank him is embarrassing for other reasons, or perhaps something else is going on. In any case, I'll do my best to sort things out and be fair.  Kat

On arrival home ...... Well! Kat has said it all for me.

I am not an executioner and I will never agree to simply taking on that role.  Although in this case Danny's use of the "F" word has pretty well limited my options.

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Jack


Admin
What's interesting to me in all this...

This seems to be one of those BOTD's that really brings in a person's personal... not baggage, but experiences, I guess. Stoney and Dmitri are strongly supportive of the spouse in the scenario, because their own spouses (spice?) are normally level-headed. Others are biased against the spouse, not because of the spouse, but because of their work situation. I, on the other hand, tend to be biased against the spouse, because I'm reading 'wife', and I've seen way too many mothers who get themselves into this situation, by not being consistent enough (Rose, Tina, Mike and Bobby's mom, and my own mother were bad about this, and I've had hints that Traci Marchant isn't good about it).

It's not that any of those answers are right or wrong - it's just interesting in what each of them says about the respondent.


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squarecutter


Sherrif
kalico wrote:I agree with the general consensus on this...

To be fair though on the MOM ... .... I see this with my kids friends, my friends kids and me even as a kid that when asked by my nana (or any female)we all kinda had the "yeah yeah... In a minute tude" but boy if it was my brother, uncle or friends dad (male) we moved and got it done.... And my nana and aunts were consistent but for some reason you males walk in and you just have that authority about you that kids pick up on......


Hugs kal



No doubt about it. Dad was just bigger and had a heavier hand and a deep voice. He was the heavyweight in every sense. The rest came down to the minsdset of your parents, Some Dads could be teddy bears (not mine) while the Mums were the once who meant business. Usually there was no more discussion once you heard 'do as your Mum says.'

Stone Man


Marshall
Jack wrote:[size=18][b] because their own spouses (spice?) are normally level-headed.

It's only spice if you're secretly living with both of them at the same time.  affraid lol! 

But on the point you are making, Jack. I could see this scenario going this way with vast differences in responses. I had ONE level headed Nana, a level headed Mom and have a (mostly, sorta, kinda) level headed wife. My friends growing up lived with level headed parents. Which ever adult you were with had the authority to "whip your butt" as they would their own boys. I never saw, or was, a boy who would pick waiting for a DAD just because of a little embarrassment. Until the strop came into use I (we) were likely to get spanked in front of the Moms anyway.  Sad 

MemoryMan


Sherrif
Jack wrote:[size=18.399999618530273]What's interesting to me in all this...[/size]

This seems to be one of those BOTD's that really brings in a person's personal... not baggage, but experiences, I guess.  Stoney and Dmitri are strongly supportive of the spouse in the scenario, because their own spouses (spice?) are normally level-headed.  Others are biased against the spouse, not because of the spouse, but because of their work situation.  I, on the other hand, tend to be biased against the spouse, because I'm reading 'wife', and I've seen way too many mothers who get themselves into this situation, by not being consistent enough (Rose, Tina, Mike and Bobby's mom, and my own mother were bad about this, and I've had hints that Traci Marchant isn't good about it).

It's not that any of those answers are right or wrong - it's just interesting in what each of them says about the respondent.

An interesting post Jack.

Both my parents were consistent and going back in the mists of time I was always pretty quick to do as I was "told."  This, I think, is because they didn't throw their rank around and I was seldom "told"; I was usually asked, a big difference.  Some instinct told me when an ask was really an instruction but I never felt as though I was being bossed around all the time.

I think I was a pretty co-operative kid who complied quite happily for most of the time but that initial degree of freedom afforded by the initial ask allowed me to procrastinate at times and perhaps negotiate an occasional modification.

It was a way of parenting that led to discussion and explanation rather than argument and ultimatum; but if I procrastinated for too long I would eventually be "told."   When this occurred the instinct to preserve my bottom kicked in and I obeyed with some alacrity.

"Because I said so" was a phrase seldom heard in our house.

Thanks Mum & Dad

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Jack


Admin
MemoryMan wrote:This, I think, is because they didn't throw their rank around and I was seldom "told"; I was usually asked, a big difference.  Some instinct told me when an ask was really an instruction but I never felt as though I was being bossed around all the time.

I try very hard to treat my kids politely and with respect. This is one of the things I do.

One time, not long after Mikell had moved in with us, I came back with groceries (me, Mikell, Steven, Tommy, Cal, and I think it was summer, so probably Aaron, Amanda, Corey, and Barry).

"Mike, would you pause the game and help me carry these in please?"

Next trip, and he still was playing.

A couple of trips later, I came back up and closed the door. A few seconds later, I spoke again.

"By the way, when you get thirsty, your Dr. Pepper is in the trunk. I wouldn't leave that shrimp down there too long in this heat, though."

He took my 'requests' a bit more seriously after that.


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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Reading through the last few posts, I feel some explanation is due on my part. Lyn is "sane" for a female but she too can become what I reference as "a typical nagging mom" at times. Mum and Grans both were (are) of the sort that could get quite 'shrill' quickly. Mum had a tendency to nag at times and you only pushed (or ignored) her so far until you were getting smacked and then turned over to the tender mercies of Alex. Afterward she'd lecture forever until I wanted to run screaming from the vicinity! This was not the way to get a stubborn adolescent to cooperate. While I was eager to please as little kid, after Tatu died and things were what they were I did kind of develop a bit of a 'tude towards mum. I couldn't take that too far however if I knew what was good for my long suffering rear so I tended to do a LOT of passive aggressive type stuff; I would take it just to the limit and then comply.

My paternal grandmother was quite different; she would 'ask' for something to be done and I think I only heard her raise her voice at me twice in my life. She was very much a teacher in the sense that she would explain and show how she wanted things done and she was very calm and 'rational'. As a guy, I much more identified with that style.

Kai


Deputy
Dimitri, I can understand you quite well in  this department.
My mother was the ever shrilly nagging type too. She kept whining and bitching that you were just wishing for your ear slaps and the end of it.
Only in SERIOUS cases my father was involved. He didn't ask or lecture much 'cause he only wanted his peace and quiet (so much that he made a henpecked husband out of himself). Just a quick "Is that true?!" and then BANG!
At least he wasn't such an ogre as your stepmonster and my mother likes to do things by herself if she wanted it to be done properly.

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