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BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods

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1 BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Tue Apr 01, 2014 5:12 pm

Jack


Admin
Recently, your son, Mike, got himself into a bit of trouble.

Mike - 16

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Mike will be 17 in a couple of months, and you haven't used corporal punishment on him since not long after he turned 11 (except that one incident at school, when he was in seventh grade).

When he got in trouble this past weekend, he was at a friend's house. The friend's father, Jack, was going to paddle the other three boys who were with him. Mike called, begging you to give Jack permission to paddle him at well.

Later, Mike told you all about it - that he'd had to take three swats, bare, in front of the other boys, with a plastic paddle that 'burned like crazy'. He was actually pretty proud of having taken it, though, and talked about how supportive the other boys are.

Then he turns to you and mentions that Jack usually gives his guys the choice between being grounded or getting paddled, when they get in trouble.

To be honest, you have no trouble with CP. Mike seems a bit old for it now, but you mostly quit spanking him, because you didn't want him to think you were being unfair with him, because of his sisters.

When you point out to Mike that he's probably a bit mature for CP on a regular basis, he points out that giving him some choice in the matter is probably treating him more maturely.

You finally tell him you'll think about it.

Are you going to call Jack to complain about him causing problems or to ask where he gets those plastic paddles?


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2 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Tue Apr 01, 2014 6:34 pm

John Boy


Sherrif
I will tell him we can call Jack and ask about those paddles. I think I am going to let him have his choice, and once again explain why I stopped just to make sure he understands.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

3 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Tue Apr 01, 2014 6:50 pm

AFinch


Sherrif
Nothing to add to JB's well thought out response.

4 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Tue Apr 01, 2014 8:29 pm

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I don't have any reason to call Jack with complaints. I will certainly entertain Mike's suggestion, though reserve the right to limit the situations when I will allow him a choice. In general, I think that punishment works best when the person receiving it feels that it is deserved and just. In a way, I think that corporal punishment for older teens may be a good thing, when it is undertaken with their agreement, just so long as it doesn't become an easy out. Some high schools, for instance, have had good success with corporal punishment policies that allow students to choose swats instead of detention or ISS.

Kat

5 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Tue Apr 01, 2014 9:47 pm

Stone Man


Marshall
Thumbs up to Kat and JB.

6 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 12:39 am

David M. Katz


Marshall
JB started it out and everyone else continued it. A well thought out analysis and answer. I ditto the dittoes and agree with everyone else.


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7 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 1:41 am

ivor


Marshall
Count me in too.

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8 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 1:51 am

MemoryMan


Sherrif
1) Yes he may make a choice.

2) ...but as his father I will retain the power an overriding veto.

3) I am perfectly capable of sourcing my own implement.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=MemoryMan

9 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:32 am

Kai


Deputy
Ditto DMK dittoing the dittoes Very Happy
Feels like a cozy get-together again.

10 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 11:51 am

Padraig


Trailboss
AFinch wrote:Nothing to add to JB's well thought out response.

ditto

11 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:13 pm

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Who am I to break all this cohesion? Ditto to the dittoers dittoing!  Razz Razz Razz 

12 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 2:53 pm

squarecutter


Sherrif
I have nothing to add but I think Kats response about spanking an easy option is important. Mike is after all 17 not 7

13 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:50 pm

Jack


Admin
squarecutter wrote:I have nothing to add but I think Kats response about spanking an easy option is important. Mike is after all 17 not 7

I've tried to say this before, but it's kind of hard to get it straight in my mind.

My older kids are all good kids. I don't have tons of trouble with them. As far as I know, none of them smoke or drink. I don't think I've even had anyone skip school since Cal was a sophomore. If any of them are stealing or sneaking out or something like that, they're doing it well enough to not get caught.

I feel like what I'm really trying to do now is fine tune them for the adult world. Curfew and manners and traffic laws aren't huge things, but they're things they need to know how to deal with and respect. They know those things, and when they lapse, I don't feel like I need to make a huge deal out of it or come down on them like a ton of bricks. I feel like a token response - unpleasant, but not terrible - deals with the issue 9 out of 10 times. They know they aren't getting away with something, but it's something we can deal with quickly and move on.


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14 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Wed Apr 02, 2014 3:55 pm

Pi Beta


Deputy
MemoryMan wrote:1) Yes he may make a choice.

2) ...but as his father I will retain the power an overriding veto.

3) I am perfectly capable of sourcing my own implement.

Ditto, plus...

I'll just retrieve the cane I've kept just in case. I wonder if he'll want to change his mind.

More seriously though, I'm really with Jack on this. Their offence was a misdemeanour, nothing that needed severe retribution such as would alienate him from me.

15 Re: BOTD 2 April: Rival Methods on Thu Apr 03, 2014 11:18 am

Jack


Admin
I just realized I'd posted on this thread, but not really answered.

My general feeling is that Mike is enjoying two (maybe three) things right now. While hazing enjoys a bad reputation now, a hazing that doesn't go too far can be embarrassing and painful, but also a real bonding experience. I think Mike has forgotten the pain, embarrassment, and worry, and is filled with the bonding, support and camaraderie of the other boys, missing a grounding, and maybe endorphins. When push comes to shove, and he's by himself and having to worry about getting another sore butt, his opinion might be totally different.

With that in mind, I'll remind him that he doesn't get in trouble often, but I'm more than willing to consider it if/when the next occasion arises. In the meantime, since I don't have one of those paddles, we should think about asking Jack if we can come over for a demonstration, or maybe Mike should just talk to Jack to find out where he gets them, so Mike can buy one of his own.




I suppose I should say that this is NOT based on real life (as far as I know, anyway).

I did get follow up calls from Dave and Charlie (Mrs. Taggert). Charlie seemed to be ticked at all three of us, for not asking her opinion/permission. Later she called me, trying to figure out why Mike seemed so positive about the experience (apparently bonding over a paddling is a guy thing?).

I've seen Mike a couple of times since the paddling. It happened Saturday, and he was over Sunday, helping Mickey finalize everything on the fantasy baseball league. Then he was back... last night, I guess - studying for a test they have tomorrow. He didn't say much at all to me Sunday. Yesterday he was pretty much normal, and took the time to apologize to me for getting in trouble.


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