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BOTD 07-28-2014 Time Out Troubles - A DMK Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
TIME OUT TROUBLES
A DMK Production

You have two sons, Malachi is ten and Micah is seven. You use spanking with both boys but for less serious issues you find that time out usually works.  The rules for time out are that the boy must sit on the sofa quietly and by himself with no toys or other distractions for one minute per year of his age. If time out does not work then a spanking will be forthcoming.

Micah got into some minor trouble this afternoon and was told to go sit in time out.  Micah resisted his time out and kept getting up.  You went to get the small paddle you use for Micah and when you returned Micah was sitting quietly in time out.   Malachi had brought Micah's favorite stuffie and was sitting with Micah and was hugging him.  Malachi then says, "I'll do his time out with him."


MALACHI - 10 & MICAH - 7
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Is anyone getting a spanking?


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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
No spankings for those two.. but the older brother.... just wait!


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AFinch


Sherrif
Assuming a stuffie violates the rules of "time out", Micah should be getting a spanking. But given that he's sitting quietly holding the stuffie (and given the fact that if he were getting spanked, he'd be allowed to hold onto a spanky bear or similar), I don't think this is a battle worth fighting. If he (they?) sit quietly for 7 minutes, IMO, he's served his sentence.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
IF he sits out his time I'll consider the matter closed.

Really though it's a bit of a 'cheat' (albeit a kind one) to have not only his brother but a toy too but I will let Malachi's act of kindness be an example of 'a good big brother helping out'.  In the future if I use time out (which I view with the same distaste I do grounding) if he resists I'll just spank him and be done with the matter.

John Boy


Sherrif
ditto to Dimitri and Kier

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Stone Man


Marshall
John Boy wrote:ditto to Dimitri and Kier

Add my ditto

ivor


Marshall
I'm going to make it clear to both of them, particularly Micah, that this is a once only get out. In future if he doesn't do his grounding in accordance with the rules then he will be spanked.

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Padraig


Trailboss
If they are able to do the timeout without talking or giggling this will do - for once.

Later I'll congratulate Malachi for being a good big brother (and for wearing this jacket without fuss...).

MemoryMan


Sherrif
Both boys know the time out rules but Malachi, for reasons best known to himself, has chosen to make a direct challenge to my authority.  Micah, at seven, is too immature to respond appropriately to his intrusion.

Micah can watch Malachi's spanking and then restart his own time out.

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squarecutter


Sherrif
Very sweet but... 

I will thank Malachi for apparently calming Micah down but ask him to leave the room . This is meant to be time out, not time together and Micah is 7 not 3. He knows that.  I wont paddle Micah if he can sit quietly on his own for the next 5 minutes. He can keep the stuffie though strictly that shouldn't be on either.

Jack


Admin
I'm going to put the paddle on the end table, then remind the boys that time out is a consequence, and that there are rules for it. I will remind them that it's to be done alone, with no toys, and not when or how you feel like doing it. I will then thank Malachi for trying to help, but ask him to excuse us. I'll tell Micah that he can keep the stuffy, if he sits quietly and doesn't play - otherwise he's getting spanked.


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Jack


Admin
1strappedboy wrote:IF he sits out his time I'll consider the matter closed.

Really though it's a bit of a 'cheat' (albeit a kind one) to have not only his brother but a toy too but I will let Malachi's act of kindness be an example of 'a good big brother helping out'.  In the future if I use time out (which I view with the same distaste I do grounding) if he resists I'll just spank him and be done with the matter.

I agree with your feelings on grounding, but I consider a time out to be a completely different creature. Grounding is almost a torture for a physically and socially active kid, but a time out (only seven minutes in this case) doesn't make them really miss anything. What it does do is both give them a time when they have to be quiet, which can help them regain a bit of control if needed, and it also serves as a bridge between a verbal reminder of inappropriate behavior and an actual spanking. Personally, I also find it to be an aid with parental blood pressure issues.

While every kid is different, and some would rather get spanked than have even a short time out, that's true of pretty much any part of raising children.


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
The first question I ask myself is, "What do I want the timeout to accomplish?" If I want Micah to sit quietly and think about his behavior, then he is doing just that. I don't really see the purpose of timeout as social isolation. If the presence of the stuffed animal and his brother are calming and there is no playing or talking going on, then perhaps I need to reconsider the rules of timeout for Micah. One of the biggest mistakes authority figures make with children is to approach discipline with a punishment-oriented attitude rather than seeing discipline as teaching. Micah may need the comfort of another person's physical presence or the presence of a human surrogate such as the stuffed animal. I need to look at what is best for the child and what will best accomplish discipline. Punishing Malachi for his intuitive and helpful response to his brother's distress will teach him something, certainly: it will teach him that I'm an authoritarian bully.

Kat

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Jack wrote:
1strappedboy wrote:IF he sits out his time I'll consider the matter closed.

Really though it's a bit of a 'cheat' (albeit a kind one) to have not only his brother but a toy too but I will let Malachi's act of kindness be an example of 'a good big brother helping out'.  In the future if I use time out (which I view with the same distaste I do grounding) if he resists I'll just spank him and be done with the matter.

I agree with your feelings on grounding, but I consider a time out to be a completely different creature.  Grounding is almost a torture for a physically and socially active kid, but a time out (only seven minutes in this case) doesn't make them really miss anything.  What it does do is both give them a time when they have to be quiet, which can help them regain a bit of control if needed, and it also serves as a bridge between a verbal reminder of inappropriate behavior and an actual spanking.  Personally, I also find it to be an aid with parental blood pressure issues.

While every kid is different, and some would rather get spanked than have even a short time out, that's true of pretty much any part of raising children.

I'll agree wholeheartedly only the 'aid to parental blood pressure' issue! Sometimes (ok, many times with a couple of the boys  Laughing ) I was the one who needed time to thoroughly think through and be sure I wasn't over-reacting so while I rarely actually used a true time out as such there were times that I'd tell Dave or Darren upfront "I need time to decide what to do about (whatever)." Of course now that the last couple of kids are too old to do time out, it really isn't an option for us anyway.

squarecutter


Sherrif
Don't know about the rest of you but back when I was growing up I don't think the concept of timeout  existed as such. It seems a modern construct for what my parents anyway, used to do to me if I got overwrought , over excited or . say. misbehaved during a meal. We were simply told to march to our room. What happened next depended on how we dealt with that . If we achieved it meekly without back chat, tantrum or slamming the door the chances were we could expect a short lecture and would be invited back into the circle fairly quickly if we "could be civilised."  If we couldn't we clearly weren't in control and could expect either a longer wait or in serious cases a sore backside. I'm not sure we ever got left to face a blank wall.  We just got removed from circulation

Jack


Admin
That's very much how my parents did it, Square, but I remember my Mom once yelling at me for reading, when I was supposed to be 'thinking about what I'd done.' Also, I remember her going ballistic one time when she forgot to tell me I couldn't have my TV on. At least back then, it was unusual for a kid to have a TV in his bedroom. Now there's so much in the bedroom, sending them there isn't much of a punishment, in and of itself.


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squarecutter


Sherrif
I didn't have a tv in my room till I bought on about 3 months after I started work. My parents didn't like the idea of kids being glued to the box all day and certainly not in your on room; also most times I got sent upstairs I was to angry for a while, to want to read

Jack


Admin
The only reason we had TVs in our room was because my Grandmother worked at a repair center, so she could pick up ones that had been abandoned for the price of the repair. And I was still more likely to be out of the house playing when it was possible.


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1strappedboy


Sherrif
The concept of "Go to your room until your father gets home" was how Mum dealt with us when she was either too angry to deal or we had done something sufficiently bad to warrant "real punishment from dad". This was, of course pre-Alex. When Tatu got home he would then warm our rears as he felt the situation required. I hated that wait as when we were sent to our room like that it would be to "think about what you did" with no books or toys and certainly there was no TV in our bedroom!

The miracle of Cable TV didn't hit our area until I was out of home. There was cable in Indiana when I was a college freshman (81), but our area didn't get cable until spring of '83 so even the TV in the living room got, at best, 5 channels if the weather was just right. The concept of our own set was inconceivable even by the time I was out of the house. Of course by that time too, there was no need for the order to go to your room and wait for dad to get home (he was already there!) so the order became "Go to the barn!!!"

With my kids I don't send them to their rooms as like for so many kids today, that's no punishment whatsoever given that they have TV's, computers, and other media already there. If I need to calm myself/think things over before I sentence them I'll simply tell them "I'll let you know shortly how this is going to conclude." and let them out of the den to do whatever they want until I call them back; if anything, it's ME who does a bit of time out.

AFinch


Sherrif
Well, I did have a TV in my room, from age 8 or 9 on. It was black and white, and once there was a color set in the house (when I turned 12), it was only on as background noise while I did homework. My most memorable spanking ever involved that activity. When I was sent to my room to wait, it was understood that there was no TV, I guess. At any rate, under those circumstances, watching TV was the last thing that concerned me.

MemoryMan


Sherrif
We didn't have TV - anywhere.

But we did have a wind up gramophone; also a radio that was powered from a lead acid accumulator we had to exchange at a local shop for a freshly charged one when it ran down.

 Both cutting edge technology. Cool

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ivor


Marshall
My gran who lived I the next street had one of those radios, but not the gramophone!

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Jack


Admin
I remember our neighbors having a small party when they got the first color TV on our block - I'm guessing it was about '70. I remember going through huge swathes of my childhood without a TV in my room. There were times when there was one in the living room, one in my room, and one in Satana's room. When the one in the living room broke, one of us lost ours, and it was better for me to give mine up, because otherwise Satana would be allowed in my room to watch TV.

I think cable arrived here later than in Dmitri's area. I'm thinking it must have been '84 or '85, because I know it happened after I'd left Mom's house. Before that, we had the three networks, PBS, one independent station, and occasionally a UHF station that was often religious programming.


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Stone Man


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote: ... so while I rarely actually used a true time out as such there were times that I'd tell Dave or Darren upfront "I need time to decide what to do about (whatever)."  Of course now that the last couple of kids are too old to do time out, it really isn't an option for us anyway.

That's when I started asking them if they wanted a SNAP decision or one I had thought through. They've always asked me to take my time and give it a good think through, which I'm POSITIVE has saved some bottom pain for them.

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