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BOTD 7/29/14 "Is Ryan Red?" A Dimitri /1SB Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
Is Ryan Red?
A Dimitri Production

You have the luxury of playing Scoutmaster for your boys' troop during the week of Summer Camp. This year, your son has turned 18 and is serving with you as an Assistant Scoutmaster. Darren has been traditionally your problem child and you have "laid down the law" with him prior to this week. To your amazement, Darren has been more than an adequate assistant-he has done true yeoman duty!! Also attending is your 14 year old son, Ryan.

Ryan - 14
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On Wednesday (which is family day) Darren approaches you with the following: "Dad, I hate to bring it up but Ryan has been pulling pranks on the first year scouts all week so far. Micah is ready to ask to go home when his parents get here. I've talked to him about it but he's blowing me off; what should I do?"

Ryan wasn't bullying as such.  He was playing small tricks on the first years like hiding their stuff or sending them off for "a few feet of shoreline and a bucket of prop wash" and other inappropriate pranks.  Micah is a REAL little 10.5 year old and Ry zeroed in on him with a vengeance.

You speak to Ryan and he says, "Look, it's no big deal I'm just teasing him a little!"

While you are reluctant to wear the 'black hat" at camp with your kids, is Ryan going to be red after his interview with you?


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John Boy


Sherrif
No big deal is not a smart choice of words. I will point out AGAIN that his pranks are causing some to want to go home or even if it is just one who wants to go home, it is unacceptable. I'm sure when we get home he will earn himself a red rear.

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David M. Katz


Marshall
If it is family day then I assume my spouse or at least a friend I trust is there. Micah can rest assured that he doesn't have to go home because RYAN IS GOING HOME. He can travel back with my spouse or the aforementioned friend. Ryan can spend the rest of his week on a short leash wondering what I am going to do to him when I get home. I would probably not spank him since I would consider the loss of the rest of camp and the few days on a short leash to be sufficient punishment but I would make sure he understood in no uncertain terms how I felt about this and that it was indeed A BIG DEAL.

*There are two phrases that I am learning to cope with as they both cause my blood pressure to rise. Those are: "It's no big deal" and "Whatever."

**I will admit that, considering the source material for the BOTD, that Ryan was probably indeed red. And, if I could not have found a suitable ride home for him then he and I would have made a trip deep in to the woods and I would have donned my black hat and removed my black belt.


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Jack


Admin
A lot of it depends on previous situations. If I've seen this kind of behavior from Ryan before, then there's no question that I'm going to react strongly.

As it is, I'm going to explain to Ryan that 'yes, it is a big deal.' I'm going to remind him of the dynamic of power that determines the difference between joking and bullying - whoever has less power gets to decide what it is. If both people don't think it's funny, it's not funny.

After I explain this to Ryan, he and I are going to go talk to Micah. He's going to apologize and promise not to do this anymore.

I kind of agree with Ryan that that kind of thing isn't a big deal, but you do have to be careful about when, to whom, and how much you do it, and Ryan has gone overboard. Hopefully, when he talks to Micah, he'll realize that. On the other hand, hopefully, if Micah understands that he was just being playful, the two of them can become friends.

Any attitude or any more of those 'little jokes', and Ryan will pay the price.


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I agree with Jack.

Kat

Stone Man


Marshall
I like a mix of Jack's and Katz's posts.

Padraig


Trailboss
ditto

ivor


Marshall
No doubt Ryan had pranks pulled on him when he was first year. I also reckon that with his family life now settled he feels happy and secure enough to start puling pranks himself.

I'm going to pull Ryan in and tell him enough is enough and that if he pulls one more then he can 'Be Prepared' as his rear will be toast either here or when we get home. I'll also tell Darren to let Micah know it has been dealt with but to let him know if Ryan pulls one more prank on him.

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kalico


Sherrif
Ditto jack




Hugs kal

MemoryMan


Sherrif
General Ditto

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Oh good, I don't have to feel like I've been a 'meanie' with Ry.  cheers 

I corralled him after Darren clued me in and got the whole "Its no big deal" run from him and was more than a little set back.  He's been so well behaved since he's come into the fold that this shocked me more than a little.  Like Katz, the phrase sends my blood pressure through the roof and I actually was tempted to take him on a little dad and lad hike and tan him while at camp!

Knowing that is against the rules (and the fact that I couldn't give it justice on the campgrounds) however, I told him he would be toast when we returned home and to apologize to Micah at once and to knock it off going forward assuming I could convince Micah to stay out the week.  Darren (which was the one I expected issues from) was a fantastic assistant and was a real mentor for the little guys; I am REALLY proud of him!!  BTW, Micah finished his week with the troop.

When we got home Saturday, we reviewed the whole situation.  Ryan insisted that what he was doing was once again, "no big deal" which was what sealed his fate.  Eight relatively hefty whacks later he saw it as rather a 'big deal' indeed!

I think it's nice that he feels secure enough in our family to do these things but I was a tad disturbed by HIS lack of empathy.  Having the family life he had, I would have thought he'd find the idea of making someone else miserable enough to leave camp abhorrent; I failed to remember the mindset of the average teenage male.



Last edited by 1strappedboy on Tue Jul 29, 2014 5:17 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Left 's' off end of send)

John Boy


Sherrif
ouch, bad bad bad choice of words. I hope things worked out afterwards and that he sees now the problems he was causing as well as when not to use "no big deal" I know for most parents never use it.

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AFinch


Sherrif
Late to the party. I agree(d) with Jack. If, however, at the end of the week, Ryan still can't see what he was doing isn't a bit funny, and is, in fact, quite mean, then I think he earned his 8.

Jack


Admin
AFinch wrote:Late to the party.  I agree(d) with Jack.  If, however, at the end of the week, Ryan still can't see what he was doing isn't a bit funny, and is, in fact, quite mean, then I think he earned his 8.

You don't agree with Jack completely, then.  I think what he was doing was funny, and I actually see no problem with it in the first place.  The problem comes when you keep doing it with someone that doesn't share the joke with you.  Really, to keep doing it to one person makes it less fun and more bullying.  On the other hand, it sounds like Ryan was doing it with more than one person, but only one person got upset.  That's a very good reason for Ryan to have not considered it a big deal, and why I was worried more about helping him understand why it was.


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squarecutter


Sherrif
I will be reading Ryan the the riot act in front of Micah and much as it can be counter productive will be extracting an apology for the boy. Ryan may not think it a big deal, but he is a big boy to Micah and if Micah feels he wants to go home from what should be an enjoyable week then clearly it IS a VERY big deal. Ryan will be in for it if I hear one ore complaint about him especially from the younger ones

Guest


Guest
Ryan will definitely be red, but before you administer the punishment you remind him of something he's clearly forgotten about. That is part of the Scout Law

"A scout is trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent."

You tell him he broke practically every one of those 12 points. He wasn't helpful to the first years, instead he played pranks upon them nor was he friendly to them. A boy with his length of service in the Scouts, Ryan should be spending his time constructively in mentoring the first years, instead of playing pranks on them for his entertainment.

You tell him that he's earned a spanking when he gets home. You also impress upon him that as he broke many points of the Scout Law you are ashamed of him because of this. As a further reprimand, you tell him to go and apologize to the first year Scouts for what he did to them.

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