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4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense

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1 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Sun Aug 03, 2014 5:17 pm

Jack


Admin
Once upon a time, you expected to use corporal punishment in a decreasing amount until your sons got older. Once they could drive, you turned primarily to taking their driving privileges, occasionally with some other restriction, and used CP only when they violated a restriction you'd placed upon them.

Your current group of teenagers are very close in age and are mostly friends with each other. A day came when two boys, one old enough to drive, the other a year younger, were in trouble for the same incident. Instead of grounding one, you paddled them both. The next time trouble occurred with an older boy, complaints of favoritism were lodged, and you adapted a new system, where the boys usually have a choice of restriction or corporal punishment. The system has worked well, so you've continued with its use.

Barry and Josh returned from debate camp today. The rest of your family had seen Guardians of the Galaxy last night and loved the movie. Because they were talking about it a lot, Barry and Josh announced they were going to see it that day, instead of waiting several days to see it in Imax with the rest of the family (you understand that, since you hate spoilers with a fiery passion you normally reserve for people going under the speed limit in the left lane).

After unpacking, Barry and Josh tell you they're going out to visit some friends, and will be home for dinner. They arrive on time, wash up, and join you in grilling burgers. At first, they're telling you more about what happened at debate camp and discussing some issues with you, but then they switch to talking about how great Guardians was, and comparing favorite parts.

Mickey and Josh - 18 and 16 (but both still subject to the paddle, by their own choice)
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"Wait, you've already seen it?"

"Yeah, we just got out."

"You said you were going this evening."

"Yeah, but we figured everyone would be around tonight, and we wanted to do some gaming and stuff."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"We were home on time!"

"Do you have cell phones?"

Of course you know they do, since you're paying for them. They don't try to deny it.

"Isn't the main purpose of having a cell phone so I can contact you if I need to?"

"One of them, I guess... I mean, not just you specifically."

"And how can I do that if your phone is turned off for two and a half hours, and I don't know why? What would I think if I tried to call you, couldn't reach you, and had no idea why?"

Oops!

While they were home on time, didn't violate any boundaries, and there isn't a rule about having to notify you before turning off the phone, you all three agree that it's just common sense (and common courtesy) that they should have let you know they were changing their plans and would be out of contact for a while.

Normally, you give the boys a choice between three swats on their boxers or two bare for 'regular' offenses that require a consequence. A lighter consequence would be two on boxers or even on pants. You could also use some type of restriction, but since you're leaving for the amusement park tomorrow, that wouldn't be too easy.

What should you say next?


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AFinch


Sherrif
I'm going to give them a pass, and leave them with nothing more than their ears burning.

I might feel differently if you'd tried unsuccessfully to contact them, but that isn't the case. It is serendipity that you found out they'd gone. No harm, no foul.

Padraig


Trailboss
Probably it is different with a huge family as your's, but I think with "normal" teens I would only earn a pair of disbelieving looks.

John Boy


Sherrif
Now that they see the light I'm going to let them decide how we go from there.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

David M. Katz


Marshall
AFinch wrote:I'm going to give them a pass, and leave them with nothing more than their ears burning.

I might feel differently if you'd tried unsuccessfully to contact them, but that isn't the case.  It is serendipity that you found out they'd gone.  No harm, no foul.

Well said!


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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Agreed.

Since this is a case of 'no harm, no foul' they escape a burning butt. I will however use this as a 'teachable moment' to establish policy going forward wherein they will be responsible for some type of notification.

7 Re: 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Sun Aug 03, 2014 11:25 pm

Jkher


Trailboss
I'm with Kier and Katz! Pass this time... Suspect

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ivor


Marshall
Put me in the K Club.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

MemoryMan


Sherrif
WHAT DO I SAY?................... A reproachful "You could have told me"

So - they changed their minds, but they stayed within their limits and didn't break any rules.

Just because I own a cell phone I don't feel any obligation to make myself available to the world 24/7 - so why should they.  

Neither do I feel any obligation to give the world a minute by minute account of my activities.

Facebook will no doubt hate me for this post. Very Happy

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=MemoryMan

10 Re: 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Mon Aug 04, 2014 8:13 am

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm in the K Club also.

Kat

11 Re: 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:10 am

LLALVA


Trailboss
Common sense in the less common of the senses.

I am with Kat and Ivor and JK and David and Kier Razz

Just a reminder.

Smile Leti

12 Re: 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Mon Aug 04, 2014 9:38 am

squarecutter


Sherrif
It would be a cortesy to let people  know but when its older teens where safety is less of an issue and they've made curfew I agree with others. Chewing them out may be enough this time. I might depend whether they were making a habit of not letting you know in which you might be more forceful about it

13 Re: 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Mon Aug 04, 2014 2:31 pm

kalico


Sherrif
Very Happy .....ditto miss leti.......just a reminder



Hugs kal

14 Re: 4 August 2014: A Violation of Common Sense on Tue Aug 05, 2014 4:12 am

Jack


Admin
We were all pretty much in line on this one.

I didn't really even chew them out or give them a warning. I simply made it clear that, because they do have cell phones, and I expect to be able to reach them when I need them, that they should make a point of letting me know when they'll be unavailable.


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