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BOTD 8/26/14 "The Protest" A Memory Man Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
The Protest
A Memory Man Production
Your feisty adventurous son Matt  (12½) is the apple of your eye.  He is a good kid, honest and generally well behaved but unfortunately is very impulsive and rather irresponsible.  The number of minor scrapes he gets into motivates you to keep a fairly tight rein on him.

Matt - 12.5
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Spanking is your main disciplinary tool.  You usually send him to his room to strip below the waist and wait for you.  Then after making sure he knows why he's being punished you tip him over your knees.

You live in a small ( and according to Matt - one horse) town.  The nearest large conurbation is a half hour bus ride away and is off limits to Matt unless he in the company of an adult.

It is Saturday and Matt is on a two night sleepover at his best friend Mark's, whose parents you know well.  You have some business in the big town and rather than face the Saturday parking problems and congestion you take the bus.  On completing your business you arrive at the return bus stop to find Matt, Mark and a couple of other friends also waiting.  Matt looks very guilty and uncomfortable when he sees you, but rather than embarrass him in front of his friends you make some small talk and sit away from them when you board the bus.

It is now Sunday evening and you are watching TV when he returns.  After greeting you he looks rather apprehensively at you and when you nod towards the stairs up he goes.  When your programme finishes you go up to join him and find him sitting on his bed, still fully dressed.

When you ask why he is still dressed he jumps up and astounds you by looking defiantly into your eyes and starting off on an angry rant - "O.K. Then - belt me if that's what you want but what do you expect me to do when you wont let me grow up.  Mark's Mum knew where we were going and she paid all our fares."  Then tearfully ripping his jeans off he hurled himself across your lap.

Has his outburst just earned him an upgrade?  - or have you recognised some deep resentment at a perceived injustice in his tirade that is sufficient to make you hold back and defer (or perhaps even waive) punishment until the atmosphere calms sufficiently to be able to discuss both his offence and a possible future relaxation of your rules in the light of his approaching teenhood?


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David M. Katz


Marshall
We need to talk.

I also think I need a reality check.

Yes, the time to discuss a rule change is before the rule is violated but my issue here is that Mark's mother gave permission. It would have put Matt in a very hard place to say he couldn't go when his other friends were going with permission.

I think ultimately this one is going to get a pass and Matt and I will need to discuss and probably renegotiate his boundaries.


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AFinch


Sherrif
Matt was allowed to go to the sleepover, and was placed in charge of the responsible adults at that house.

If it's true that Mark's mother knew and approved (and paid for) the boys' plans and bus ride, then in kid think, or my think for that matter, Matt did nothing wrong. And getting punished is just an unfair adult power play.

I'm not spanking him.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
The portion of Alex in me says that little fella just earned himself a serious upgrade for his disrespect but I also know what such treatment will engender on his part.

I think that since his buddies' mom ok'd and paid for their adventure she obviously believed them capable of it.  I think that if anything, I'll ask him to call home and clear it with us/let us know what's going on.  No spanking this time.

Jack


Admin
The difference in the company of an adult and the permission of an adult is so thin that I don't intend to punish him at all.

The thing to do in this situation is explain my reasons to him - and I hope I do have some - and then listen to his feelings. It may be that allowing him to go, with permission and as part of a group, will give him the freedom he seems to need.


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I agree with Kier.

Kat

Padraig


Trailboss
He slapped me right into the face. It is probably time to wake up and recognise my son isn't a litte boy anymore.

O.k., things could have handled differently. He knew that something was wrong or he wouldn't have looked guilty. On the other hand, I should have asked before sending him to his room.

But no better time than now, he is in a good position - for me to push up his shirt and give him a back rub while discussing the matter.

That's how my old man and I could talk best when I was young.

John Boy


Sherrif
Ditto to the non spankers.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

Stone Man


Marshall
The Mother in charge gave the trip her blessing and paid for it. Matt did not take off and do this on his own. I never should have nodded towards the stairs. It is past due for a talk.

ivor


Marshall
I'm with the consensus.

I might have expected him to tell Mark's mother that he wasn't allowed to go without an adult and get her to call me and obtain y agreement, but that would have made him look like a little kid to his friend so I can understand why he didn't. Time for me to loosen the reins.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

Kai


Deputy
Ditto Pad.

Pi Beta


Deputy
Ditto times ten (or is it 11?) above.

kalico


Sherrif
I'm with y'all on the no spanking but I'm going to make it VERRY clear this should not happen again without mu knowledge. I will call the other mom to make sure and to let her know my feelings.

An hour away is still too far in my opinion untill he starts high school and then I would still like an adult close by.




Hugs kal

squarecutter


Sherrif
I suppose in Matts eyes I passed judgement without waiting for an  explanation  but for whatever reason Matt assumed there would be a no acceptable excuse in my eyes and in a sense passed judgement on my parenting as well. So I am going to give him one almighty slap on the rump with my hand and tell him to sit up. Really I want to know is whether this had had happened before and to if so why Matt had not sought to ask for a change in the rules.  There will be no belting as I don't wishto come across as the ogre Matt clearly thinks I am. I   can see the position Matt was put in but clearly this is an area we need to be communicating better about. A lot of things might be negotiated about as He gets older but it is better to do so ahead of time

Jack


Admin
kalico wrote:An hour away is still too far in my opinion untill he starts high school and then I would still like an adult close by.

Just a half hour for the bus trip.

According to Google, the summer before I started high school (or was it between 7th and 8th grade?), I rode my bike 15 miles to visit a friend. That was a one off, but I used to make regular rides of 5 to 7 miles to visit stores that carried comic books.


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
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Padraig


Trailboss
My school bus trip was 1 hour 20 one way, right from the start at age 6.

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