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BOTD 09-07-2014 Too Old For Time Out? - A Late Chat Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
TOO OLD FOR TIME OUT?
A Late Chat Production

You have two sons.  Declan is eleven and Dewey is fourteen.  Both boys are subject to spanking but you find putting the boys in time out usually addresses most more minor issues. You have also experimented with grounding, privilege loss and extra chores with some success.

Last week the boys were arguing and the argument escalated to to some thumps and arm punches.  You intervened before an all out fight got underway. The boys were put in time out.  Dewey is allowed to serve his time outs in his room on his bed.  Declan has proven untrustworthy and so he serves his time out in the corner under your supervision.  The boys must serve twice their age in minutes in time out.

This is what it looked like last week:

DECLAN - 11
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DEWEY - 14
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After the boys completed their time they both approached you and complained that they were too old for time outs.  You told the boys you would think it over.

Today the boys are in the same argument again and this time has also led to thumping and arm punches.  Again, you intervene.

How do you address the issue with Declan and Dewey?


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David M. Katz


Marshall
If I used time out for the last fight to keep the boys apart and allow for a cooling off time then it served its purpose. If I meant for there to be some deterrent value then it has obviously failed. I am not sure they are too old, especially Declan, but I am willing to take another approach.

They can get a few quick licks from the belt across their jeans - Declan will get 3 and Dewey 4. This should redirect them and offer some deterrent value. After their "spankings" they can stay away from each other until cooler heads prevail.

**In RL, I use time out for a 13 year old with good success.


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StevieWeeks


Trailboss
Castor oil.

Then they can fight over which one gets the toilet first and all...

Stevie.



Last edited by StevieWeeks on Sat Sep 06, 2014 8:15 pm; edited 1 time in total

kalico


Sherrif
Ditto katz......

I have also used timeout with the 13 year old and I think even my oldest at the age of 17 when they were fighting and it worked....



Hugs kal

ivor


Marshall
As it appears the time out didn't work, then something else needs to be tried. I'll go with Katz's suggestion.

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Padraig


Trailboss
If they complain it is uncomfortable/inconvenient/annoying/etc. That is a sign that it still works, at least in the way David described.

Jack


Admin
First of all, I should have made a decision long before they got in trouble again.

Second, if this is a recurring problem, time out obviously isn't solving anything.

In specific, we're going to talk about why they keep having troubles, and how they're settling them. I think I need to help them learn to solve things instead of just punishing them, and this is a case where it doesn't seem like I've done that.

As for time outs in general - I'm willing to talk to them about it. We can try something else, but if it generally works, I'm not really willing to take it off the table. On the other hand, if they feel resentment at it, it's less likely to work.


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MemoryMan


Sherrif
May I join the J Club?

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Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
I'm going to whack them.

Pi Beta


Deputy
Maybe I should take them along to a boxing club and let them sort themselves out there!

squarecutter


Sherrif
I 'll ask them if they prefer the belt instead when they came to me and we will go what they say. As far as I'm concerned if they are still young enough to be scared of getting the belt they are not too old for timeouts

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Oh come now, Square, I was scared of the strap until I left the house!!! It's all a matter of how hard it gets applied!

Seriously, I kind of like Pi's suggestion but there's too large a size differential to make for a fair fight. In R/L I'll use a time out (though I don't call it that) as a final warning/means of getting the boys to think about what they're doing before it escalates into a visit to the den and it works just fine still with Jeff and Ryan and still will with the other kids. They're still at home therefore subject to house rules and they know it.

In this instance I can suggest to them a spanking in lieu of the time out and if that's really what they prefer I am willing to accommodate.

David M. Katz


Marshall
1strappedboy wrote: if that's really what they prefer I am willing to accommodate.

Twisted Evil How kind of you. Razz


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John Boy


Sherrif
Dito Katz response 1

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squarecutter


Sherrif
1strappedboy wrote:Oh come now, Square, I was scared of the strap until I left the house!!!  It's all a matter of how hard it gets applied!

Seriously, I kind of like Pi's suggestion but there's too large a size differential to make for a fair fight.  In R/L I'll use a time out (though I don't call it that) as a final warning/means of getting the boys to think about what they're doing before it escalates into a visit to the den and it works just fine still with Jeff and Ryan and still will with the other kids.  They're still at home therefore subject to house rules and they know it.

In this instance I can suggest to them a spanking in lieu of the time out and if that's really what they prefer I am willing to accommodate.
That may be so. I think the term is the problem. Actually I think time out is rather a formalised version of sending a kid to his room for a while which is what used to happen to me, without the thing of being on display but separated from the family.  I think what I really meant was that you need something to back time out with if they refuse to comply. I have no doubt the the threat strap would do an admirable job

Jack


Admin
squarecutter wrote:I think the term is the problem. Actually I think time out is rather a formalised version of sending a kid to his room for a while which is what used to happen to me, without the thing of being on display but separated from the family.

Actually, that's a very good point (except that Dewey does get to go to his room, so he's not on display). People say 'you're just arguing semantics' like it's a bad thing, but sometimes one word can make a very big difference, and what you call something can make it more or less attractive.


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Stone Man


Marshall
Ditto Dimitri

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