Kat wrote:The scenario States That Kyle Agreed To My Rules, But Was The Agreement Actually Entered Into Of His Own Free Will? An Agreement Made Under Any Sort Of Coercion, Including Economic Coercion, Is Not An Agreement At All.
I think this argument only diverts attention from what I believe is your true argument (more on that in a moment). If we apply this logic any agreement I may reach with Kyle about his duties here is by definition void. Do I want him to do his fair share of household chores? Do I want him to behave reasonably? Only if he feels like it, apparently. Since I necessarily have a position of power (the house is mine and it might not be convenient for him to make alternative arrangements) does that mean I can ask nothing of him?
What message do I send my son if I kick Kyle out because he has taken up a vice that is legal but that I disapprove of? That my love, affection and protection depend solely on his conformity to my will?
The same applies for any reason I may have to kick him out. You say you would never allow him to smoke in the house. So what if he does, in his own room with the door closed? Nasty but realistically not a big health risk for the rest of the family. If you kick him out for that, won't you be saying that your protection depends on his conformity to your will? If you can not impose any consequence, is there a limit somewhere? Only if there's clear and direct risk for others?
I should ask myself why I'm concerned that Kyle is smoking if he isn't doing it in my house or around my children.
I think this is what you are finding problematic. You do not think that forbidding a 18-year-old to smoke is reasonable.
I'm concerned because I think smoking is an unhealthy and filthy habit and I do not want my little brother to do it. Thinking about it, I have to concede that if Kyle were 36 I would not be trying to keep him from smoking out of the house. Therefore, I'm not treating him fully as an adult. That is because I don't think he is fully an adult. Yes, he is no longer a child, and yes, that should be reflected in how I treat him. However, I think I still can influence him to help him avoid bad habits.
Making sure he knows you disapprove of his smoking is good, and it might be effective with some kids, but what if he just rolls his eyes and says "whatever"? What if I think that he is not yet mature enough not to need any external discipline?
Treating him like an adult if he is smoking or doing recreational drugs or wasting his time at college without studying might not be in his best interest. Kicking him out is probably not in his best interest either, so I really do not want it to get to that.
I guess a lot will depend on his personality and my relationship with him. What works for some 18-year-olds may not work for others.