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27 Jan 2015 - How Do You Handle a Naughty Man?

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Jack


Admin
Kat wrote:Kier, I'm afraid that you and I have a fundamental disagreement as to responsibility for Kyle. Having taken him into my home and allowed him to make it his home; having voluntarily assumed the position of a parent; I feel I do have a moral responsibility to him. Were he doing something morally reprehensible, I would take a stronger stand. Smoking away from my house, however, harms only him.
Kat wrote:

I will agree with you, Kat, that I do feel I have a moral responsibility to Kyle, since he is my brother. However, I feel like you're only looking at one side of the argument you're making. By your own argument, I don't think you can say that I 'voluntarily' assumed the position of (his) parent - I only did it under duress, to help my mother, who was being overwhelmed. I think that's the point Daniel was making earlier - if you open the definition up far enough, then pretty much any agreement can be said to be coercive. Either Kyle is an adult, who voluntarily entered an agreement with me to continue living here, else he's not adult enough to be held to that agreement (the case you cite is someone who's in bad health, which doesn't apply in this case - if Kyle seriously wanted an alternative, he could always enlist).

A bit of a side issue but something no one has brought up: just how do I enforce what he does outside my presence, as he is likely just to be much more careful in future?

And that's kind of the point I made earlier. If this is something he has to do, he can do it in a way that doesn't expose me to it, or let my kids know that he is doing it. I can't even remember how I wrote the scenario originally, or what I was thinking when I did, but, while I would be worried about my brother's health, I'd be much more worried about my kids seeing someone they admired smoking, in that it might encourage them to do it.




I have to apologize for this BOTD. I was in a bit of a rush to come up with one, and this seemed like a good idea. I did think there would be a lot of disagreement and discussion, but I had no idea that it would become this... vigorous (nor did I think of the parallels in some of our members home lives and how they might feel about them).


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Padraig


Trailboss
Jack wrote:

I have to apologize for this BOTD. I was in a bit of a rush to come up with one, and this seemed like a good idea. I did think there would be a lot of disagreement and discussion, but I had no idea that it would become this... vigorous (nor did I think of the parallels in some of our members home lives and how they might feel about them).

Yes, and that is what made this BOTD so special. There were arguments but nothing went out of line. It showed different views and attitudes, but isn't that the salt in the soup (German saying)? No need to apologise for anything.

StevieWeeks


Trailboss
Stevie would just LOVE to handle a naughty eighteen year old man and all... [You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Stevie Twisted Evil

Stone Man


Marshall
Ditto somebody.... But I'll be damned if I know which one(s) of you.

Fenz


Cowboy
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]
So I guess locking him in a cupboard (or any other small space with no windows), and making him chain smoke until he vomited is out of the question? 

(The kids will know you are serious.)

MemoryMan


Sherrif
Jack.  You have absolutely no reason to be apologetic.

Your scenario analyses in a straightforward way.

Kyle is older than any of your sons and in order to live with you, and them, has agreed to undertake certain obligations aimed to ensure that he exerts a positive rather than negative influence on them.
This arrangement has worked well for over a year.
Kyle has now, on a single occasion, committed an act that had it been committed by one of your sons would have earned him a serious hiding.
Kyle is not one of your sons.
Kyle is eighteen - old enough to fight and die for his country.

A situation has thus arisen that could reasonably be resolved by reminding Kyle of his obligations as you communicate your disappointment in him.  A gentle reminder of the possible consequences if this became more than a "one off" may also be appropriate.

That some have chosen to inflate and become distracted by side issues cannot be laid at your door.

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