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3/23/15 - Asking For It - A Jack/RL Production

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Jack


Admin
You have five children - four boys, with a girl in the middle. The eldest is Asher, who turned 15 about two months ago. Second is Jared, who turned 13 last fall. Then comes your daughter, who's not quite 12 yet, and the 10-year old twins, Owen and Sammy, are the youngest.

As the oldest of your family, you've tried to respect your oldest son Asher and not treat him the same as his younger brothers, but as someone who was a bit older than them. While he was in eighth grade, you switched from corporal punishment to grounding and restriction. Apparently Anson didn't really like being treated as older and more mature. A few months ago, when Anson complained about getting grounded, when his brothers were still getting spanked, you took him at his word, and you've been spanking him since then.

There were problems occurring at the time you decided to start spanking Anson again. Your SO works at home, so is responsible for getting the kids off to school in the morning. There was a lot of trouble ongoing with that (not just one day, but nearly daily in some fashion or another). You were easily able to track down why the problems were happening, so the two of you came up with a plan that ended the problems by requiring the kids to keep to an evening schedule, and have most things done before they went to bed (on a timely basis).

While the whole crew received at least one spanking, once they settled in, the problems mostly went away. Your SO felt things were better, and starting loosening the requirements, until the problems started back up, and the whole group ended up with another set of sore bottoms. After that, you borrowed a page from a friend's book, and the kids now receive a 'strike', if they don't finish any part of their bedtime routine on time. Three strikes in three weeks results in a sore bottom for the laggard.

Because of icy weather, your kids were missing school, and they thought they were going to be on a vacation schedule. You explained to them that school hadn't been canceled, and that they were on a regular schedule. When you went to check on them, your two oldest had decided to ignore you, which put them both at three strikes. When you told the two of them to go, get ready for bed and spanking, Jared reluctantly went. Ash went off on you like a fire cracker with a short fuse.

Jared and Ash

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He tells you that, when he told you it wasn't fair for you to ground him and spank the other kids, he didn't mean for you to start spanking him again, and you were being totally unfair in spanking him now, and he wasn't going to take it.

Who gets the last word on the matter?


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John Boy


Sherrif
For starters I'm telling him we are not discussing it while a consequence is required. Second I will talk to him about how he can't just switch back and forth whenever he feels like it. Now that I have switched back to spanking, I shall continue with it till I see it not working...

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

David M. Katz


Marshall
John Boy wrote:For starters I'm telling him we are not discussing it while a consequence is required. Second I will talk to him about how he can't just switch back and forth whenever he feels like it. Now that I have switched back to spanking, I shall continue with it till I see it not working...

Good answer!


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Stone Man


Marshall
David M. Katz wrote:
John Boy wrote:For starters I'm telling him we are not discussing it while a consequence is required. Second I will talk to him about how he can't just switch back and forth whenever he feels like it. Now that I have switched back to spanking, I shall continue with it till I see it not working...

Good answer!

I concur. The method of punishment would have been discussed when the three strike system was put into place. Ash should have brought up his objections then. I will listen to reason(s) once the punishment for these strikes has taken place.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
I cannot in good conscience disagree with JB's solution for this one.

I can't imagine a circumstance where I'd ground in any event. For those of you who have attempted it, please be honest enough to admit that are few things more miserable for everyone than an adolescent on 'restriction'!!

The very few times we've tried it has been a dismal failure and NO ONE was willing to 'see it through to the end'.

That being said, we went back to corporal punishment as the 'go to' methodology for keeping the boys in line. In this case, John's answer covered my feelings on this issue perfectly!!

talebearer


Cowboy
Take him at his word. He made a contract, and it's time to pay up. Better yet, tell him to follow Jared and explain it to him, why Jared should get it and he should get off. Jared at least seems to be honest and brave about it, and you're not?

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Talebearer

ivor


Marshall
Seems like JB has nailed it.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

Jack


Admin
1strappedboy wrote:I can't imagine a circumstance where I'd ground in any event.  For those of you who have attempted it, please be honest enough to admit that are few things more miserable for everyone than an adolescent on 'restriction'!!  

While I rarely ground, and even more rarely with younger kids, I have to say that one of the worst problems I see with parents who do ground is that they are cavalier about the time frames they throw around. Since the kid doesn't display physical distress from grounding, parents (seem to me) more likely to just heap it up. I was often grounded for a full week, two, six, and more than once 'until Mom decided I learned a lesson.'


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I think Asher's objection to being spanked is not about the method of punishment; rather, it seems he is expressing frustration about what he sees as unfair punishment in the situation. In my experience, punishing a kid who feels he is being dealt with unfairly is counterproductive. I need to sit down with Asher and let him explain why he is so upset about this spanking. Once we are dealing with the real problem, we can resolve it.

Kat

squarecutter


Sherrif
Kat wrote:I think Asher's objection to being spanked is not about the method of punishment; rather, it seems he is expressing frustration about what he sees as unfair punishment in the situation. In my experience, punishing a kid who feels he is being dealt with unfairly is counterproductive. I need to sit down with Asher and let him explain why he is so upset about this spanking. Once we are dealing with the real problem, we can resolve it.

Kat
But that's not what he's said is it

It seems like Asher objects to both spanking AND grounding. You are right Kat I do think I need to sit him down again to discuss this but he has to come up with a compelling reason why he shouldn't accept what he has coming in the way Jared has or come up with an alternative and equitable (with Jareds) punishment. Faiilng that he can go back to grounding or accept a spanking. As to the strikes system. I am not going to have it undermined by the oldest  deciding it shouldn't apply to him

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
squarecutter wrote:But that's not what he's said is it

It seems like Asher objects to both spanking AND grounding. You are right Kat I do think I need to sit him down again to discuss this but he has to come up with a compelling reason why he shouldn't accept what he has coming in the way Jared has or come up with an alternative and equitable (with Jareds) punishment. Faiilng that he can go back to grounding or accept a spanking. As to the strikes system. I am not going to have it undermined by the oldest deciding it shouldn't apply to him

It may not be what he said, but since he has been accepting spankings without objection for a while, I think my conclusion about his current objection is likely. People often skirt around the real issue in an argument. It's difficult for adults to understand exactly where anger comes from -- even more so for an adolescent. Asher's outright refusal to submit to a spanking seems to me to be about much more than the form of the punishment, particularly since it marks a dramatic departure from his previous cooperation.

Kat

kalico


Sherrif
Ditto JB




Hugs kal

Jack


Admin
Kat wrote:
squarecutter wrote:But that's not what he's said is it

It seems like Asher objects to both spanking AND grounding. You are right Kat I do think I need to sit him down again to discuss this but he has to come up with a compelling reason why he shouldn't accept what he has coming in the way Jared has or come up with an alternative and equitable (with Jareds) punishment. Faiilng that he can go back to grounding or accept a spanking. As to the strikes system. I am not going to have it undermined by the oldest  deciding it shouldn't apply to him

It may not be what he said, but since he has been accepting spankings without objection for a while, I think my conclusion about his current objection is likely.  People often skirt around the real issue in an argument. It's difficult for adults to understand exactly where anger comes from -- even more so for an adolescent. Asher's outright refusal to submit to a spanking seems to me to be about much more than the form of the punishment, particularly since it marks a dramatic departure from his previous cooperation.

Kat

Actually, I think the real problem is that you're assuming that this was the only complaint about spankings.  It's not really indicated either way in the scenario, but it definitely was not the first complaint - just the most... vociferous.  His previous 'cooperation', from what I understand, was sulky and reluctant at best (even for a spanking).

Having said that, I generally agree with Kat.  I'm pretty sure Asher will be getting spanked this time, but if he wants to go wait in the living room while I deal with his little brother, then we can discuss things.  However, he will neither dictate nor escape consequences, and he needs to accept that before we can make any progress elsewhere.




As for real life, these are actually two separate incidents. Ash and Jared did get spanked for pretty much the exact reason I explained here. However, Ash's blow up, which earned him his second point this month, and was fairly similar to what I described, was because he was running his mouth to his mom and didn't back down when he had the chance.

Pretty much as Kat described, Isaac - their father - offered Ash the chance to have some input into his discipline, but not until after this incident was settled. As far as I've heard, nothing's happened since then, so maybe Ash was worked up over something else.


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