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BOTD 5/19/15 "After The After Party" A DMK Production

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David M. Katz


Marshall
AFTER THE AFTER PARTY
A DMK Production

NATHANIEL - 14
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Your fourteen year old son, Nathaniel, is in the drama group/class at his high school. The class is responsible for the spring school play.

The play opened last night (a Friday) and there was an after party planned at the home of one of the senior drama students. You checked with the mother of the hosting student and she indicated the party was just for the drama class (20 students) and that she and her husband would be present as would be another student's parents and the drama teacher. There is a pool and there will be music and the menu is copious amounts of junk food. The student's mother invited you to attend if you so desired. You agreed that Nathaniel could attend and declined the invitation to attend yourself.

A further arrangement was made that the hosting student would drive Nathaniel and another student home after the party. The other two students are eighteen year old seniors who you know. The hosting student has driven Nathaniel home after practices several times. You trust the arrangement.

The play was a success and you dropped Nathaniel off at the house where the party was located after. You asked when the party would be over and Nathaniel told you "1:30 or 2:00." (AM) You said, "I'll see you around 2:30 then." You went home and went to bed early.

You wake up early the next morning and cannot go back to sleep. You are sitting in your kitchen sipping some tea and assume Nathaniel is home and sleeping. You are shocked when Nathaniel walks in the door at 5:45 AM. He does not seem surprised to see you and even wishes you good morning.

You say, "I thought you were coming home at 2:30?"

Nathaniel explains:

"The other guys wanted to go to Walmart so I rode along." (What could have possibly been needed to require a Walmart run at that hour of the morning is beyond your understanding.)

"We hung out at Walmart for a while and looked around. We then were hungry (what happened to the copious amounts of junk food - oh, yeah, they're teens) so we hit Waffle House."

Nathaniel says they then drove the other boy home and then he was dropped off.

You ask why you were not called.

"Because I didn't want to wake you up and I knew you wouldn't care."

Nathaniel further adds that the senior boy who was driving and the other friend even encouraged him to call but he stressed you wouldn't care.

For the record, had he called you then you would most likely have allowed the Walmart run and the early breakfast.

You tell Nathaniel that you are upset with him and that he should have called you.

"I didn't want to wake you and I didn't think you would care."

Do you care?


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Jack


Admin
I do care, because Nate and I had come to an agreement, and he broke it.

Now, it doesn't sound like a huge thing, and I can understand him wanting to hang around with the older guys. That does not make it acceptable, but it also doesn't make it a federal case.

I think I'm going to stress that, in the future, if we agree on something, he doesn't get to unilaterally change it, and I'll give a token punishment for it happening this time - something that's more symbolic than punitive.


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Iconoclast


Trailboss
As long as Nathaniel is driving with SOBER drivers he is right, I don't care. If I was worried I could have called him on his cell phone. As I have stated that I don't like being called in the middle of the night, without very good reason, I can not complain that Nathaniel did not call!

Iconoclast

AFinch


Sherrif
Did Nathaniel have a cell phone with him?

I think that if he knew you'd be asleep, it was considerate of him not to wake you, especially as he knew, and you've acknowledged, you'd have let him go anyway. Had you awoken and missed him, you could have reached him on his cell. I'm sure that it was scarier for my mom in pre-cell phone days when I rolled in at that hour following a college date (and without having a curfew to miss). "You don't trust me." "It has nothing to do with trust--it's a matter of common courtesy."

Like Jack, I'm going to point out we had an agreement, which he broke, no matter how good the reason. Unlike Jack, I'm not going to impose even a token punishment, but I will make it clear that the issue isn't trust or even how late he stayed out, but simply common courtesy to the adult who loves him, worries about him, and cares for him. If he's the boy I think he is, that will upset him more than any punishment, and the likelihood of it happening again (without a call) will be slim to none.

As an aside--I'm going to suggest should a similar situation occur again, he should text me. I wouldn't be likely to awaken from the text buzz, but the message would be there if I did awaken (or if I already was awake) worried.

David M. Katz


Marshall
AFinch wrote:Did Nathaniel have a cell phone with him?  

 

Yes. I think his phone has grown to him as an extra appendage.


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StevieWeeks


Trailboss
Stevie will take his cell phone away for two weeks and make him use this instead:  

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Alternatively, he can borrow my cell phone and all..


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Stevie Twisted Evil

Stone Man


Marshall
I'm with Kier for this one.

I had also thought about having him text changes in the future (had my 24 YO do that to me Friday about midnight) giving me something to check should I awaken and wonder.

ivor


Marshall
My reaction will depend on what I think he means by saying "you wouldn't care".

If he simply means I wouldn't be worried about him staying out later, alright; but if he is insinuating that I don't care about what happens to him, then we have a problem - because I do care!

I think the text suggestion is a good one, but I'm also inclined to impose a fairly short grounding for not keeping to our agreement.

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Pi Beta


Deputy
When he wasn't back by, say, 3a.m. I should have phoned or texted him, not waited in suspense for him to be proactive because he's right, I wouldn't have been pleased to be awakened in the middle of the night if I'd been asleep.

He actually seems to have been more thoughtful than me!

I agree a text from him would probably have been the ideal from his end but since I can understand his reasoning, though we'll have a discussion this afternoon when he eventually surfaces ofter a long night, I'm not imposing any punishment.

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm with Kier.

Kat

David M. Katz


Marshall
Pi, I was sound asleep at 3:00.

I would have had no idea what time he would have come home had I not been up. Had I asked him later then he would have told me but , honestly, I doubt I would have asked.

I gave him a "verbal warning" about next time and let him go on off to bed.

That is all.

I started feeling "soft" so I emailed Jack and he essentially advised it was now closed but did say he would have acted in accordance with his response here. Jack did share the idea of using texting in any similar future situation.

Nathaniel had a very busy day and got little sleep. He had to be back at the school for matinee performances and then the drama kids had to break down the sets and clean the theatre. He was exhausted and consequently was mopey that evening. He decided to call it quits at around a little before 9:00 Saturday night but wanted to sleep with a clear head. He talked to me to make sure I wasn't still upset with him. I told him all was well and reminded him of what we agreed about for the future and then also introduced the idea of texting me which he liked and said he should have thought of that.

Everything was fine and he went to bed.


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Iconoclast


Trailboss
It might not be a good idea to have Nathaniel think he needed to text in that situation. In a couple years he will be driving and you do NOT WANT HIM TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!!!

Iconoclast

squarecutter


Sherrif
2.30 for a 14 year old Exclamation I think the not wanting to wake me is a teen rationalisation. Can parents really sleep when their teen kids are out partying? Next time I expect a call whatever time

Jack


Admin
Iconoclast wrote:It might not be a good idea to have Nathaniel think he needed to text in that situation.  In a couple years he will be driving and you do NOT WANT HIM TEXTING WHILE DRIVING!!!

Iconoclast

Icono, considering how many of your responses are 'see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil,' you really don't have a right to comment on how anyone else does anything. You actively encourage your BOTD kids to be stupid, disobedient, and law-breakers.

Unlike you, David does try to follow the law, and I'm sure that he'll be instructing Nate (firmly) to never text and drive. Further, Nate sounds like he has a working brain in his head, so I'm sure he can figure out that, when he is invited to stay out later than he'd expected, he might want to text before driving.

While you're correct that texting while driving is bad, and while I hope you didn't mean to imply that either David or Nate is stupid, this is another case of you being offensive because you assume everyone else is an idiot, and people don't like being treated that way.


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kalico


Sherrif
I think Katz did the right thing for what works with him and his kids...,

As for me this never would have happened because like square pointed out I wouldn't have been asleep and I myself would have already called or texted but thats just me being mom..... Can't sleep when my babies are not home like that.


Hugs kal

Jack


Admin
kalico wrote: Can't sleep when my babies are not home like that.

Don't worry, Kal. I learned how somewhere along number fourteen or so... It'll come to you.


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