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BOTD 7/23/15 "Runaway Randy" A DMK Production

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1 BOTD 7/23/15 "Runaway Randy" A DMK Production on Wed Jul 22, 2015 4:07 pm

David M. Katz


Marshall
RUNAWAY RANDY
A DMK Production

Your thirteen year old son, Randy, is still subject to spanking.  Frankly, spanking has proved to still be a very effective consequence for Randy but, you are trying to respect the fact that Randy is now a teen, and so you have started using restrictive punishments as well.

Randy had a bad day yesterday.  He went off to a friend's house to play video games without even touching his simple daily chores.  Randy did not tell anyone where he was going and he would not answer any calls and simply sent a text saying, "I'm OK, I'll be home later." Randy finally showed up forty-five minutes after his curfew just as you were about to go looking for him.

You grounded Randy for the rest of the evening and for the next two days (the entire weekend.)  Randy wolfed his dinner down in silence and then stormed off to his room.

This morning you note Randy is not in his room or anywhere in the house.  You are about to head out to look for him when you receive the following text from Randy:

"I have decided to go live with Granny. (Your spouse's mother.)  I am tired of all of your rules.  I took my bike to the bus station and bought a ticket.  I am on the bus now.  I know Granny won't treat me like a little kid.  Please send my things to Granny's house.  Bye.  Randy"

RANDY - 13
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What do you do?


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Padraig


Trailboss
First of all I call my mother to tell her what is going on. Sure Randy is her "baby" but as I know far too well she is quite capable of dealing with something like that. I'll wait for her call and then we will decide what will happen further.

1strappedboy


Sherrif
Reason 5 million 14 not to use grounding!! Razz

I can say with relative certitude that were I to impose a grounding and one of the kids pulled this stunt (going off to my MIL's), all it would take would be a phone call and I can fairly well tell ahead of time how Syl and Steve would handle it; that boy would be back home in about, oh.....an hour tops with a stinging rear end and then I'd amplify same! Twisted Evil

Following that, were this R/L, we'd discuss the future of punishments and remind the kid that one can't 'escape punishment' and once again reiterate why I prefer not to ground.

Jack


Admin
Ur decision. Come get ur own stuff. Also - I told Mom what u said. She hasn't stopped laughing yet... just said something about ur 1st taste of Granny's brush.


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John Boy


Sherrif
Jack wrote:Ur decision.  Come get ur own stuff.  Also - I told Mom what u said.  She hasn't stopped laughing yet... just said something about ur 1st taste of Granny's brush.
Ditto and LOL

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AFinch


Sherrif
I agree with everyone else. My rules were ridiculously simple and straightforward compared with my mother's, and my consequences were a lot milder too. Be careful what you wish for....

kalico


Sherrif
Ditto JB!

Jack that's to funny but that's about how I would handle it....sure go live your grandpas... I give that a few days and he would be begging to come back home.... lol!




Hugs kal

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
In typical teenage style, Randy has chosen a childish method to protest being treated like a little kid. What he is asking me to do (in a passive-aggressive way), is to prove that I care about him by picking him up, bringing him home and having a heart-to-heart talk. I'll give him the chance to be heard. If he can make reasonable arguments, I may change a rule or two. Then I'm going to give him the paddling he no doubt expected when he pulled this shenanigan.

While it might make me feel I've won some battle of wills to call his bluff, I doubt that would improve our relationship.

Kat

ivor


Marshall
Change the gender and I think the Beatles have got the situation summed up pretty well  Smile


I think I'm gonna be sad
I think it's today, yeah
The girl that's driving me mad
Is going away

She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
But she don't care

She said that living with me
Is bringing her down, yeah
For she would never be free
When I was around

She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride
She's got a ticket to ride

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Emlyn Morgan


Trailboss
As a boy I used to have little holidays sometimes at my grandparents'. The spare rooms had gloriously comfortable feather beds which I looked forward to sleeping in - sometimes sharing with a male cousin.  

There were woods nearby where one cousin displayed an enthusiasm for getting the switch he cut from a tree.

He grew up to be prominent in Westminster.  But I won't name him!

Anyway, I'm going to whack Randy.

squarecutter


Sherrif
I think I start byringing Gran. Assuming she wont be seeking to undermine us as parents she may well be the best mediator. A day or two away to clear the air might be no bad thing. Then we all have a lot of talking to do. Whether this needs family counselling otr whether we can sort it ourselves remains to be seen. . I wont be going off the deep end with Randy or dumping the problem in Grans lap much as Randy might wish it. But may be there needs to be a reset on rules for Randys adolescent stage. Im not ruling out spanking but not necessarily for this

David M. Katz


Marshall
Hey, Randy

Sorry to have you leave but it will open up your room as a potential rent income.

I called Gran.  She is excited to have you come.  Your mom's old room is now a sewing room so I guess you'll have to sleep on the sofa.  She will let you use her bed for your afternoon naps - it is something she insists you need to do, at least until school starts.  About school, Gran lives outside your district so you will need to transfer.  Your friends will miss you but you'll make new ones.  Your new school uses the paddle a lot so be careful.

Gran thinks it was wrong of me to ground you.  She says I should have spanked you so she and her brush will take care of that when you get there.

Gran also thinks you spend too much time with video games and your computer so there will be none of that.  She is really excited to have someone there to mow that huge yard of hers.  That old push mower will have to do for a while.

She says your new bed time will be 8pm.  I bet you will be tired anyway after all of the yard work she needs done.

Sorry, buddy.  No can do on shipping your things.  Granny has some old clothes your Grandad used that she is sure will fit you. You won't have time for toys and stuff anyway.

Oh, I will pick your bike up from the bus station for you.  I'll probably just sell it.

Anyway, try to stay in touch.  You'll need to use Granny's land line as the cell service there sucks. Hopefully we can make it there to visit at Christmas.

Enjoy your new life.

Love, Dad


Wait ten minutes:

Randy's new text: "Dad, can I come home?"


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1strappedboy


Sherrif
Re Katz's scenario-simply priceless!!!

Pi Beta


Deputy
1strappedboy wrote:Re Katz's scenario-simply priceless!!!
Agreed!

Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
Randy's safety is the number one immediate concern.  Grandma needs a heads up assuming that she is actually available for I can not assume Randy has checked ahead.  If she not there, Randy has to be told and make adjustments to his plans.  Assuming Grandma is there I'll ask her to accommodate the lad.  If she reports he did not phone ahead, then he needs a text asking "Did you call Granny?" 

I'm very happy that he did not run away to the nearest big city with unrealistic expectations only to become a street rent-a-boy.

I'll also ask if what he did with the bike -- is it with him on the bus or at the bus station locked or not?  If the later, it needs to be fetched unless he going to return home because Granny not available.

It clear that we both need cooling off time.  David's great message is great for a story but will surely poison our relationship and thus is totally counterproductive.  Randy does not want to hear how right I am again.  (Incidentally, the rent your room out was used in A Clockwork Orange with negative results for the family.)

It is clearly time to have a real discussion with the young adolescent about rules.  It is in his nature (as it was in mine and yours) to start to assert his masculinity.  It is my job to create some balance.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

David M. Katz


Marshall
Y Lee Coyote wrote:
It clear that we both need cooling off time.  David's great message is great for a story but will surely poison our relationship and thus is totally counterproductive.  Randy does not want to hear how right I am again.  (Incidentally, the rent your room out was used in A Clockwork Orange with negative results for the family.)


Yeah, you are absolutely right in theory and there are those parents out there who can see this from the onset. I am not. I am human and have my weaknesses and sure as hell have made lots of mistakes as a parent. This little stunt of Randy's would have pissed me off. What I should do would be trumped by what my emotions will do. Yeah, I'd send off the snarky text. It's what I do: I make dumb mistakes.

Now, once I allowed myself to cool off and got my brain in gear then I would be in the car headed for the bus station in Granny's hometown. I would definitely drive faster than that bus so there would be someone there to meet Randy when he arrived. And, yes, I would call my MIL as well to give her a heads up. I am sure she would be at the bus station as well.

What happens next? I honestly don't know. I guess it depends on mine and Randy's frame of mind. Maybe I take Randy home but maybe a few days with Granny will be good for all of us.

There will come a moment where we talk and reconcile but no one is using his brain properly at the moment.

So, yeah, I stand by my answer, as lame and inappropriate as it may be.

Very Happy


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talebearer


Cowboy
Agree w/YLC, although David's letter and follow-up comment are clever and a good alternative. At very least I would contact Granny and see about meeting him at the terminal. If he doesn't show up, then we go into emergency mode. Maybe there'll be more phone calls, or maybe his phone will answer. Even if I'm not composed enough to make a reasonable voice or text message, maybe a few "pings" will at least keep contact, and alert him that this doesn't conclude the story.



Last edited by talebearer on Fri Jul 24, 2015 1:55 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : ping)

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Jack


Admin
Y Lee Coyote wrote:David's great message is great for a story but will surely poison our relationship and thus is totally counterproductive.  Randy does not want to hear how right I am again. 

Urban Dictionary - When a statement is "tongue in cheek" it is ironic, slyly humorous; it is not meant to be taken seriously...


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Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
Thanks guys for the agreement but I would be pissed also.   But Randy needs some space even if he is making mistakes.  As long as Granny is willing and able to take him in things are OK.  It's a lot more complex if Granny is off for the weekend.

If his bike is in the bus and he got his smart phone, then he should make his own way to Granny's house.  He will see picking him up as being treated as a baby.  It wouldn't hurt any if Granny sends him a shopping list -- she not likely to have the gallon of milk he drinks and the ton of other stuff that he snarfs down daily.

If she not available, then if he doesn't hint at returning home, he needs an invite.  Hopefully, there is a return bus and he has enough cash to buy that return ticket.  Once again, going to pick him will make him feel babyish and reduce cooling off time for both of us.

Back in ancient times, i.e., before 1880, boys were apprenticed by the time they were Randy's age.  If they ran away, they could make their own way for boys could earn a living and learn a trade.  Not any more -- now the State requires that they are kept on short leashes until at least eighteen.

Randy needs to have a big say in his rules.   It a lot easier to keep to those than those decreed from up on high.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

kalico


Sherrif
Good one Katz.....

This kid clearly deserved the punishment and is just throwing a tantrum......

I'll also add that sometimes kids especially teens need these knee jerk response's or they will threaten to do this every time.....


Hugs kal

MemoryMan


Sherrif
Since returning I have scanned through the missed BOTD's and am surprised that in this one no respondents have picked up that Randy, so alienated by his treatment that he needed to resort to such an extreme reaction may just as easily have stormed off to his gran's without any message or even become the focus of a 'missing child' search.  That he hasn't done so but instead has chosen to text to tell me where he's going and why; thus letting me know he is SAFE, rings more to me like a cry for help than out and out rebellion.

Clearly I am, in his opinion, (as he is grappling with the difficulties of the onset of adolescence) still treating him like a little child by being too prescriptive and intolerant and not listening to him.  The actual trigger for this reaction is immaterial; I need to use my own maturity to take the long view to fend off him becoming so alienated that he 'drops out' as soon as he is legally able to leave home.

Fortunately it appears that he has become attached to and respects his gran.  First I will call her to give her a heads up on the situation and allow them an hour or two together before driving over. (this alienation cannot be allowed to fester on overnight)

On arrival I will face Randy and apologise to him for being so insensitive and treating him as the child he no longer is.  I will ask him "Why?" promising I will hear him out and that there will be no repercussions for brutal honesty.

Then, with gran. acting as a mediator, the bridge building can begin.  

I will be needing to grant Randy more freedom than I am comfortable with but if we can in the end come up with an AGREED new set of behavioural requirements and a means of enforcing them if he betrays the extra trust implied then this should be balanced by a greater degree of responsibility on Randy's part.

The new regime will need monitoring, and perhaps some revisions.

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