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BOTD 08-22-2015 - Concerning Charlie - A Squarecutter Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
Concerning Charlie
A Squarecutter Production

You have been married twice and have three sons, Charlie, aged 13, by your first wife, and Paul 8 and Sammy 5, by your second. The divorce (ten years ago)  was acrimonious, your ex got custody of Charlie and moved out of state and you barely spoke to her or had contact with Charlie though you heard plenty from her lawyer.

Thus it was a bittersweet moment a few months ago when you learned your ex had died in a motoring accident. Named as immediate next of kin, you and your current spouse without hesitation took Charlie in.


Charlie - 13, Paul - 8, and Sammy - 5
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At first you did fine and Charlie gets on well enough with his half brothers but you learned Charlie had been brought up in an atmosphere of benign neglect. He had all he wanted but also had far more freedom to do as he pleased outside of school so you hit a snag when you and your wife attempted to insist he be home for dinner. School records showed that Charlie was seriously under-performing based on his ability and your ex had not been helping the school keep Charlie on task. Your ex had also objected to spanking (another matter.)

You haven't spanked Charlie but he knows you spank the little boys and have stated using a paddle on Paul if he seriously messes up. The bust up came when the school followed up on a detention note it had given Charlie but had not been returned. You also learned from the school that Charlie seemed to be linked with a bad crowd and that their disruptive behaviour around school had led to the detention.

When you planned to confront Charlie it was on another night that he missed dinner. You tell Charlie he is grounded and will attend the detention at school.

The following evening he skipped detention and got home at ten o'clock. He asks in  front of Paul and Sammy, "what are you going to do now Daddy, spank me like you do the babies?"

What's next? What are you going to do now?


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AFinch


Sherrif
That's exactly what I'm going to do, though not exactly like the babies.

Charlie is begging for it. I'm betting he has some anger issues related to the loss of his mom, but he also is looking for limits to be set, in such a way that he clearly knows where he stands in the world.

If he strenuously resists, another punishment, such as seclusion, can be implemented, but I am not going to have a 13 year old attempting to run my household. I'm betting he WON'T strenuously resist--otherwise all those MMSA stories will be proven to be nothing but fantasy ;-)

John Boy


Sherrif
AFinch wrote:That's exactly what I'm going to do, though not exactly like the babies.

Charlie is begging for it.  I'm betting he has some anger issues related to the loss of his mom, but he also is looking for limits to be set, in such a way that he clearly knows where he stands in the world.

If he strenuously resists, another punishment, such as seclusion, can be implemented, but I am not going to have a 13 year old attempting to run my household.  I'm betting he WON'T strenuously resist--otherwise all those MMSA stories will be proven to be nothing but fantasy ;-)
Ditto

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1strappedboy


Sherrif
...If he strenuously resists... BALONEY!! (or as my stepdad was so fond of saying, BULLS*&T!!)  Doc's probably right about anger/losing Mom issues but that will have to be dealt with. That little fella is going to learn EXACTLY how we do things in our house!!

If he's going to be a true 'member of the family' he needs to be treated as his brothers are.  That being said, especially since he's older, I'm likely to introduce him to the strop in order to keep him in the behavioral line.  He can now regale his younger sibs with the "horror tales" as they can expect this too as they hit the right age.

I'm sorry his mom didn't care enough to discipline him at the younger age but that was then and this is now; I'm going to cover all of this before hand so he now knows what to expect so it won't exactly be a total surprise to him.

squarecutter


Sherrif
You could say he asked for it.I have to get Chalie under control Not sure I wanted to go to a strop as an entry level for a spanking. May be getting the paddle Paul gets but harder as befits Charlies age might be enough. He will also be on a promise that he will do his work properly to which end I will be tabs on what he has to do and encouraging Charlie to better endeavours.
The level of supervision will be the same as for Paul. For now unless it is for a specific school activity Charlie will be on the bus home and "hanging out" will be out. For now any more school trouble related to the bad crowd will bring another paddling, an age appropriate one
I am sure Kier is right. Charlie wants boundaries but I also want a relationship with my eldest and it is not all his fault that my ex was so hopeless or that he has had this upheaval in his life

ivor


Marshall
It's unclear whether you and Charlie have already got to the 'or else' moment with regard to spanking/paddling, but even if not, he has now brought it on.

You can't spank two for misbehaviour and not the other one so the answer to Charlie's question has to be "YES!"

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AFinch


Sherrif
squarecutter wrote:
I am sure Kier is right. Charlie wants boundaries but I also want a relationship with my eldest and it is not all his fault that my ex was so hopeless or that he has had this upheaval in his life

It's not AT ALL his fault, but that doesn't change the reality of the situation.  It wouldn't be his fault if he'd been diagnosed with leukemia or diabetes, either, but they'd require treatment nonetheless.  What we've been doing is clearly NOT working.  Charlie needs boundaries, is begging for them, and will have them clearly set.  He's going to be on a tight leash until he earns back some teenage freedoms.

kalico


Sherrif
Ditto y'all's....

YES he is about to feel what the babies paddle really feels like......then it sounds like it's about time to lay down some ground rules and he will know that moving forward he will spanked for things just the babies are.....


Hugs kal

David M. Katz


Marshall
Charlie and I need to go somewhere and have a serious private one on one talk. I agree he is begging for structure and he will most likely end up paddled but a discussion is in order first.

I also think some counseling is going to prove important.


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I agree with Kier. Like him, I won't resort to brute force if Charlie resists strenuously; I doubt that will happen, though, in the circs.

Kat

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