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BOTD 09-04-2015 Your Choice: Live with it - A Kier Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
YOUR CHOICE; LIVE WITH IT
A Kier Production

Your son,Tyler, is age 11.  He got into trouble for going through his older sister's things.  He was supposed to be spanked, but begged to be grounded instead, complaining he's "too old".  Instead of giving Walter Matthau's response in "Casey's Shadow" ("You're too old to be so stupid"), you obliged.

You made it clear that grounding meant he wasn't allowed out of the house for any reason except school.  

Tyler is QB on a Pop Warner team.  He's begged to play, but you reminded him that being grounded was his choice, and he will have to live with it.

It's now Saturday.  You call Tyler to lunch, but there's no answer.  You check, and he's gone.  You immediately make your way to the football field and see:

TYLER - 11
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Now what?


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Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I don't have a problem with grounding Tyler, but I do feel that a grounding needs to be proportionate to the misbehavior and avoid any unintended severity. If I knew he would miss the game and meant for that to be part of the punishment, I think I would have told him that upfront so he could weigh that in deciding to opt for grounding. Perhaps Tyler himself should have realized this consequence of his grounding, but he is only 11 and probably was eager to escape the immediate unpleasantness of a spanking.

I'm not going to yank him out of his game, but he will have to suffer the consequence when I get home, which is a very thorough spanking. After he calms down, he and I will discuss the details of grounding, including what constitutes a reasonable length of time for a particular offense and what happens if something unexpected comes up during a grounding. He has to understand that grounding is meant to be just as unpleasant as a spanking, albeit in a different way, and that he must expect to miss out on some fun activities if he is grounded. We'll discuss the difference between a major activity such as a game, where others depend on his presence, or an activity that is special, such as a birthday party, and something merely fun, such as going to the movies with friends. We'll agree on whether being allowed to participate in an activity during grounding requires some additional penalty, such as extending the grounding or taking a spanking.

Kat

David M. Katz


Marshall
Ditto cat


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db105


Trailboss
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] --> Too old? At 11??  affraid What will he be saying at 15? That he wants to live in his own house?

If I hadn't been such a wishy-washy new-age parent we wouldn't have this problem. A quick spanking, a sore bottom, and matter solved.

But since I left nice-spanko-me in charge, now we have to clean the mess. A spanking for disobedience, which is what he would have got in the first place, without additional grounding. Really, evil gets all the bad press, but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

From now on, it's back to spankings for Tyler.


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] --> I wouldn't have included organized sports into the grounding. After all, Tyler has a responsibility there, and shouldn't I teach him to live up to his responsibilities? But since I did not allow him, and he disobeyed, he gets a spanking. Not a very hard one.

In the future, I will try to make sure Tyler is aware of what he will miss before he chooses grounding over spanking.


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.] --> 11 too old... Ridiculous!

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ivor


Marshall
Kat has saved me a lot of typing Laughing

(Btw, I know what a quarterback is, but I know nothing about Pop Warner teams. Was he the father of the brothers?)

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Jack


Admin
I have to agree with DB.

This one is hard for me to answer, because I consider organized sports to be very important to a persons development. Further, I'm not going to punish the entire team for Tyler's behavior.

What I would have done in the first part of this situation is sit down with Tyler and make him realize that a spanking is best, and remind him that I use it to get things over with, or to come up with a way to ground him that would still be a punishment without banning football.

As the scenario goes, I think I'm going to echo Kat. How hard the spanking was will depend on how long he was grounded before today out of his total sentence (and also whether his attitude is more 'I had to do this' or 'I thought I could get away with it').


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John Boy


Sherrif
Pop Warner... (Shudders) I think it is time I popped him Razz

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AFinch


Sherrif
I basically agree with Kat and Jack.

From the scenario, though, I've made it clear that the grounding DID include football, or anything else but school. Nonetheless, that's what Tyler chose.

If I'm the kind of parent who imposed that punishment, I doubt I'd care about embarrassing him publicly by dragging him out of his game and home. (I personally am not that kind of parent). Even I, though, while allowing him to finish the game, am going to give him the "very thorough spanking" to which Kat alludes, and add a day to his grounding to make up for the one from which he's unilaterally released himself. Like Jack, how thorough the spanking is will depend on his attitude.

DB--if you've not seen "Casey's Shadow", you should rent it. It's a very sweet film about a 9 year old and a racehorse named Shadow.

AFinch


Sherrif
ivor wrote:Kat has saved me a lot of typing Laughing

(Btw, I know what a quarterback is, but I know nothing about Pop Warner teams. Was he the father of the brothers?)

http://www.popwarner.com/football.htm
Pop Warner football has been around since the inception of the league in 1929 by founder Joseph J. Tomlin as a four-team conference in Northeast Philadelphia.

Since then, participation has steadily increased to today's record numbers. Over 250,000 youths participated in Pop Warner-sanctioned football programs in 2010, and those numbers are continuing to grow.

db105


Trailboss
AFinch wrote:DB--if you've not seen "Casey's Shadow", you should rent it.  It's a very sweet film about a 9 year old and a racehorse named Shadow.
 
Thanks. Why are you recommending it right now, though? Does it have to do with this BOTD?

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squarecutter


Sherrif
I think Kat has covered everything very thoroughly for me. Think Tyler has to learn that grounded for a certain period means exactly that. I would/could not apply this to school team games but in future if we know this will entail missing a club game the respective Coach will be told he is not available. I'm sure there is a backup QB

1strappedboy


Sherrif
I have said it before and I'll say it again;  "Where the hell was a man like Kat when I needed a step father?!?"  He is SUCH a voice of reason it makes me reflect on MY failings as a stepdad sometimes despite the fact that I try very hard to be reasonable in my approach with the kids.  He got this one perfectly and so I shall simply echo him.

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
1strappedboy wrote:I have said it before and I'll say it again;  "Where the hell was a man like Kat when I needed a step father?!?"  He is SUCH a voice of reason it makes me reflect on MY failings as a stepdad sometimes despite the fact that I try very hard to be reasonable in my approach with the kids.  He got this one perfectly and so I shall simply echo him.

Embarassed Thanks, Dimitri. I do recognize that parenting in theory is a lot easier than dealing with actual kids. I know from teaching just how impossible perfection is. It's fortunate that most kids are resilient and forgiving, just as most parents (and teachers, coaches, Scout leaders, etc) are well-intentioned people who get things right more often than not. As for the others, I hope there is a hell waiting for them.

Kat

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