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21 September 2015 - The Long, Long, Corner Time

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Jack


Admin
This is your son, Kyle.

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This is Kyle in better times.

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Kyle is in seventh grade, and has just turned 13.

Most of the time Kyle was growing up, you used spanking with him. Depending on what he'd done, it was usually something from your hand on his underpants to an implement bare, for serious offenses. Last spring, he came to you, said he felt like he was getting older, he was starting to mature physically, and he asked you to quit spanking him.

The two of you came up with some alternatives, and you gave him a list of things he did that you didn't feel like were very mature. You told him to work on those things for a few weeks, and promised that, if he could make some real improvement, you'd agree to his request.

He did, you did, and Kyle hasn't had a spanking in about four months now. Instead, when he does screw up, you discuss the issue with him, give him a couple of options, and put him in the corner for a few minutes to make a choice.

This afternoon, Kyle screwed up (it doesn't matter what he did - you feel that he deserves to be punished for it... Yes, you too). You told him that he has his choice of being grounded for two days (which would include one weekend day, and which means no electronics or leaving the house except for school and family functions - you already no he has no plans) or he can lose his phone for a week.

Kyle has now been in the corner for thirty minutes, which is about for times longer than he's ever stayed before. Once you really look, you can tell he's breathing hard, like he might be crying.

You let him out of the corner and ask what's wrong.

"Me and Dillon (his best friend) are playing a new live action phone game, and we gotta bet on it. If I give up my phone, there's no way I'll win. But it's so nice this weekend, and it's kinda cooling off now, so me and the guys were gonna ride out to Jake's house tomorrow and use his pool. His dad said it's okay. I just don't know what to decide?"

Do you help with his decision?


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"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
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kalico


Sherrif
I'll add a spanking for the third option after that it's all up to him.....




Hugs kal

Iconoclast


Trailboss
kalico wrote:I'll add a spanking for the third option after that it's all up to him.....

Hugs kal

Me too!

Most non-spanking punishments do too much damage to a boys life to be used!

Iconoclast

AFinch


Sherrif
Punishments aren't supposed to be fun or convenient.

He screwed up, badly enough that everyone agrees (per the scenario) that he deserves to be punished.

Why has he been in the corner 4 times longer than I ever before? Did I forget him there? If so, I might be inclined towards some kind of mitigation.

But...be careful what you wish for. Kyle is the one who asked to take spanking off the table, and adding it now is giving him an "easy way out". Don't do the crime if you can't serve the time. I'd be inclined to allow Kyle to call Dillon (his one phone call) and let him know that the phone game will have to be rescheduled as he's been grounded from electronics. If that results in a forfeiture of the bet, that's too bad (and Dillon isn't a very understanding friend), but that's life. Otherwise, he can miss his nice weekend at the pool--there will be others.

Given that he's not missing anything "special" that was scheduled, I'm sorry, but he paid his money and now he has to take his choice.

John Boy


Sherrif
I think I might try the old, "If I add another option, what should it be." If he says spanking I will remind him why we took it off and this isn't a only this time we bring it back, we really bring it back.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm in agreement with Kier on this. Punishments are supposed to be aversive; besides, Kyle hasn't requested a third alternative. I don't think introducing one would be a good idea.

Kat

MemoryMan


Sherrif
Having regard to his progressive improvement i'll relent and offer the third option this time - but with the proviso that if he takes it it will be hard and that it will remain on the table as one of MY options on future occasions.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=MemoryMan

ivor


Marshall
Kat has taken the words from my mouth. Smile

Punishment is meant to hurt, but that hurt doesn't have to be physical. I consider that having to miss something he really wants to do will make him think much more carefully in future with regard to whatever it was that created this situation.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

Jack


Admin
AFinch wrote:Why has he been in the corner 4 times longer than I ever before?

Per the scenario - 'you give him his options of consequences, then put him in the corner to think over his choices'. He's been in the corner so long, because he can't decide this time.


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"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

Pi Beta


Deputy
Though in real life I might relent, I know I shouldn't.

squarecutter


Sherrif
I echo " be careful what you wish for"

I am going to ask Kyle what he can think of that that will make punishment fit the crime and allow him to go out this weekend. If spanking I am willing (it will be with an implement) I am willing but then it will be an option again for a while yet. I will as suggested allow him to 'phone a friend' on this but any grounding will not be deferred to a more convenient time to accomodate Kyles social schedule better. He did wrong and one way or another he will feel the hurt. Back to Kyle. I think now he can think this one through in a more comfortable place like a seat in the front room

Jack


Admin
I would definitely allow him from the corner at this point, though I'd make it clear he was grounded until a decision was made. I think I would remind him that I haven't spanked because he asked me not to, but that it could still be an option.

Honestly, I feel sorry for him. Those are both the kind of thing that are important to boys his age, but I don't feel either of them is life-changing enough to alter the options I gave him for punishments.


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

StevieWeeks


Trailboss
Making that child stand in that corner is harmful to his health and might be constituted as serious child abuse...

He's standing on floor tiles that - GASP!!! - probably contain asbestos and all...

Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
He is obviously stressed by the options.  That is unhealthy.

We need to talk and resolve the situation.  An attitude by an adult that a pre-teen's decision is not open to review is quite unreasonable.

Punishment should not be torture.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
Y Lee Coyote wrote:He is obviously stressed by the options.  That is unhealthy.

We need to talk and resolve the situation.  An attitude by an adult that a pre-teen's decision is not open to review is quite unreasonable.

Punishment should not be torture.

Y.

It seems to me that the choice rather than either of the options open to him is what is causing the distress. As he hasn't requested review, I see no reason to have one. Perhaps instead, I should help him to a choice. Neither will be pleasant, but neither is torture. Both, however, are punishment and are meant to be unpleasant. He could flip a coin or I could choose for him if he likes.

Kat

ivor


Marshall
Y Lee Coyote wrote:He is obviously stressed by the options.  That is unhealthy.

We need to talk and resolve the situation.  An attitude by an adult that a pre-teen's decision is not open to review is quite unreasonable.

Punishment should not be torture.

Y.

Pre-teen? The scenario says he has just turned 13......

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
In response to Kat --
I think that the decision making process is torture and that needs to be stopped.  The way to do that is a discussion with him. 

In response to Ivor --
Yes, he NOW a teen -- just -- but when the agreement was made he was a tween.  Actually, I don't think it matters. 


Little details aside, the simple fact is that Kyle is too young and immature to make a complex contract for a long period of time.  The arrangement needs a review.  Need I remind anyone that youth is impulsive and short sighted?  Unfortunately that's even true of adults who get themselves into hot water for those very reasons.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

David M. Katz


Marshall
I am with Kier and Kat so the K klub is united.


_________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
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