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9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch

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1 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Sun Nov 08, 2015 4:53 pm

Jack


Admin
You have three sons.  The middle boy, Cole, is a freshman this year, and the school (American) football team just finished their season with a win.

You gave Cole a little extra time to get home after the game, so he and his friends could celebrate, but the freshman team does play Thursday night - a school night - so Cole had strict instructions on when to be home.  You even waited, after the game, to make sure he could find a ride that would get him home on time, and gave him an extra fifteen minutes beyond what you'd planned, just to be safe.

Cole came home over thirty minutes later than that, even after you called him and reminded him to get home.

When he arrived home, first he told you that his friends changed their mind and weren't ready to come home.  Then he tells you you're just being too strict.

You have nothing against warming Cole's butt when he needs it.  While he's gotten bare hand on bare skin most of his life, you've recently upgraded him to the same implement that's been successful with his big (over three years older) brother.  In this case however, you feel like, since he took advantage of you to get more freedom, less freedom is a better consequence, and he's grounded for the weekend.

He whined and complained about that, but not as bad as you expected.  Friday, he came home from school on the bus.


Cole (14) with friend (six months) on Friday afternoon - serving his sentence.

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Everything was fine most of the evening. Then Blake, your oldest son, came home from his own football game.  They lost, and he was kind of down, but not as much as you expected.  He mentioned that there was a pajama party at Uncle Jack's house the next night, and there would be games and food, and they'd been invited, so he and Aidan (at twelve, he's your youngest) were planning to go, if it's okay.

THEN Cole went ballistic.

And now it's Saturday afternoon.  Apologizing and begging hasn't done any good, so Cole gets you alone.  He apologizes and swears he knows he was wrong, and that he deserves to be punished, but he pleads for you to just let him go to the party, even if you have to whup his butt to make up for it.

Will it be pajamas over a sore butt, home alone, or is there another answer?



Last edited by Jack on Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:34 pm; edited 1 time in total


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2 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Sun Nov 08, 2015 5:38 pm

AFinch


Sherrif
On the one hand, I'd be inclined to grant a reprieve for a special event, and delay sentence until the following weekend. On the other, he was given extra time from the get go, was called and reminded, came home much later than allowed, and ultimately granted that he'd just done what he wanted to do, even though he knew it was wrong.

Being a frequent flyer here in Bransom, I know for a fact that a pajama party at Uncle Jack's is NOT a once in a lifetime occurrence. It's a special event, but I don't think it's so special that it rises to the status of allowing for delay of sentence. And the fact that Cole went ballistic over missing it tells me that letting the grounding stand WILL send the message it was intended to send.

I'm not creative enough to come up with another alternative. Tempting as it would be to just whup him and get it over, and despite the concern over dealing with a sulking boy (who, from previous encounters may still push things enough to get whupped in addition to staying grounded), I'm going to be a hard a$$ and affirm my prior sentence. Blake and Aidan can go, and Cole will stay home. I don't think there will be a next time where he wanders in an hour late because he feels like it. Cole isn't stupid--just hardheaded and testing limits.

I think this is a good life lesson to learn, too. When I was working, I had one associate who nearly always showed up for her shift 15-20 minutes late. I usually worked nights, and she usually worked days. After being in the ER for 13 hours and being up all night, I was tired and wanted to go home. I didn't want to start a bunch of new patients at 7am, and hand them off to her to finish, so they would either have to wait, or I would end up staying longer. It was just rude and wasn't fair to anyone. I WISH someone had trained her at 14 to be prompt.

I realize that sometimes being late is unavoidable (LA traffic causes that from time to time, despite leaving way early to be on time). But habitual or intentional lateness is a pet peeve of mine, and poor Cole picked the wrong person for that battle.

3 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Sun Nov 08, 2015 5:40 pm

David M. Katz


Marshall
I am feeling soft and generous but only because Cole has thus far served his time well. I will accept Cole's apology and commute his sentence to time served. A day and half or so of restriction seems appropriate for this violation given the circumstances.

Yeah, I am going easy and telling Cole to get his pajamas.


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4 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Sun Nov 08, 2015 7:08 pm

Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
Sorry guys, I got a problem with this one.  We're all being too hard on Cole.  Unless his ride was the city bus he did not have any control over it.  For the city bus it would have been HIS responsibility to be at the bus stop on time.  If he missed it then consequences are in order.  If he's late because the bus is late, that is another story.

But a ride was arranged and it got him home late and the same time as his classmates.  He wasn't in charge of the driver.  What could he do to be on time?

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

5 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Sun Nov 08, 2015 10:25 pm

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I don't think I'd have given a punishment in the first place. He can go to the party at Jack's house.

Kat

6 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:31 am

db105


Trailboss
The description implies that he did wrong, so I'm not rejudging whether he did or not. For the purposes of this BOTD he did.

Now this is why I dislike grounding. I'll give him a spanking, a moderate one, taking into account he has served part if his sentence and let him go to the party. It's time to end this misery. I will use less grounding in the future.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Danny

7 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:54 am

ivor


Marshall
Put me in the YLC/Kat camp. I do feel from what has been said that he wasn't in control of what time he got home on the Thursday.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

8 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:20 am

Jack


Admin
Y Lee Coyote wrote:Sorry guys, I got a problem with this one.  We're all being too hard on Cole.  Unless his ride was the city bus he did not have any control over it.  For the city bus it would have been HIS responsibility to be at the bus stop on time.  If he missed it then consequences are in order.  If he's late because the bus is late, that is another story.

But a ride was arranged and it got him home late and the same time as his classmates.  He wasn't in charge of the driver.  What could he do to be on time?

Y.

Either you're misreading or I badly explained.

AFTER the game, when you were there to bring him home, he asked to go out with some friends, and told you that he had a ride that would get him home on time.  You believed him and left him there to be home on time.  He had multiple options that could have delivered him home on time, but he didn't use any of them.

If you'd like, you can call the parents Cole rode home with and ask them if he told them (ever, or when they changed their mind) that he had to be home by a certain time.


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9 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:32 am

ivor


Marshall
Agreed Jack that I had missed the "You waited" which does put a somewhat different complexion on things.

I still think though it is difficult for a kid to be home at a specific time if he is dependent on other parents for lifts. If indeed he did come home with other parents rather than other kids, then it would indicate that they did not consider the hour at which they brought him and their own kid(s) home to be too late even with school the next day.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

10 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:45 am

Pi Beta


Deputy
I'm with Kier on this one.
Anyway, who will look after the dog so devotedly if I change my mind?

11 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 7:49 am

kalico


Sherrif
I'm with Db on this one.....



Hugs kal

12 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 1:46 pm

squarecutter


Sherrif
If I believe Cole had options then the grounding should stand. If he is going to grouch so be it. If I let it go or even spank for this then Cole dosnt really get the intended message

13 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 2:38 pm

Jack


Admin
ivor wrote:Agreed Jack that I had missed the "You waited" which does put a somewhat different complexion on things.

I still think though it is difficult for a kid to be home at a specific time if he is dependent on other parents for lifts. If indeed he did come home with other parents rather than other kids, then it would indicate that they did not consider the hour at which they brought him and their own kid(s) home to be too late even with school the next day.

Ivor, the only reason I think I really disagree with you on this is that Cole had a phone. If he'd called you and explained that the people giving him a ride home had changed their minds about how long they were staying, it would have been a big strike against whomever he rode with, and it might keep him from doing something like this until he can drive himself, but it would have kept him out of trouble.

As it is, that wasn't even an excuse he thought of when I called him to get home, and he was still late after that.




Having said that, Cole did NOT get to come to the party Saturday night. From what their dad told me, he threw a big enough fit that he ended up doing a time out at the dining room table, with Dad's belt laying on the table right in front of him.

Apparently that was enough to settle him down, and he apologized after that. However, he didn't make out too badly. After he'd done his time out, his parents ordered pizza, they watched a movie, played some Exploding Kittens and Dominoes, then popped some corn and watched another movie (pausing only to make Dub get up and go to bed when he started snoring).


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14 Re: 9 November 2015 - Bait and Switch on Mon Nov 09, 2015 4:55 pm

John Boy


Sherrif
I think PJ's over a sore butt might work this time, or maybe give him a delay in sentence.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

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