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27 June 2016 - Good Bad Boy or Bad Good Boy

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1 27 June 2016 - Good Bad Boy or Bad Good Boy on Sun Jun 26, 2016 4:14 pm

Jack


Admin
Bruce is 16 - he's the best friend of your 16-year old son, Ethan.

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Ethan and Bruce have been friends since they were 11, when Ethan first moved in with you, while they were in sixth grade. Over that time, you've come to treat Bruce like one of your own boys, which has included many sore bottoms. Bruce lives with his single mother, and when she had trouble with him, you stepped in. Bruce has actually received more switchings from you (which are reserved for illegal behavior) than most of your boys have. On the other hand, he's been staying out of trouble for a while now.

Bruce showed up today, which is a bit of a surprise, since he knows Ethan is at summer camp. In previous years, Bruce has been required to stay at your house, during the summer, when his mom was at work. This past year he's proven responsible and well-behaved enough to stay home alone, though he was still at your house almost every day, when Ethan was there.

Bruce asks to talk to you in private. The two of you retire to your office, but he's not quite ready to talk. Actually, you realize that he's almost in tears.

It turns out that, this morning, a bit over three weeks into summer, his mom sat down with him and told him what a great job he's been doing lately.

The thing, he really hasn't been following all the rules. He's not paying a lot of attention to when he's supposed to be home, he knows which chores mom notices most, and he's not doing the rest as well as he should, he's been going places and doing stuff without telling her - usually around visits to your house to cover the time - and then he breaks down and actually starts to cry, when he says she told him she was proud of his school grades, but he actually cheated on the history test.

He doesn't know what to do, but he's throwing himself on your mercy.

What do you tell him?


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Iconoclast


Trailboss
I will give Bruce some History books and articles, etc and tell him to read and study those (on the sly) until he has even more real knowledge of history then his (fake) test scores indicate. I can think of no other way by which he can conceal the fact of his cheating, long term. After all the main thing is that he will have gained the knowledge for real!

Iconoclast

AFinch


Sherrif
I'm going to agree with Icono. Bruce has part of the self-discipline part down at least--he knows he screwed up and he's feeling guilty about it. He needs to come clean to his mom--the consequences of doing so at school are too dire and likely inflexible to make that a viable strategy. So learning the material he is supposed to know makes the most sense.

Meanwhile, Bruce and I are going to go back to homework checks, etc. I don't see that a spanking is going to serve any purpose other than guilt relief--and in this case, feeling guilty might be a motivator.

David M. Katz


Marshall
I also agree with Icono. (OMG! Did I just write that?  Razz  ) I also agree with Kier's additional comments.

I will counsel Bruce to come clean to his mother and dealing with that will be a punishment in itself.  Bruce can then read and study and learn that which he cheated himself on.  Kier is right and the school cannot know.

Jack wrote: If, after that discussion, he still needs a few stripes - I don't have any moral objection about giving them to him. He'll just have to convince me that his reasons he needs one are better than my reasons why he doesn't.

I will add this to my response as well. (Jack's reply to "Alcoholic Remorse")  It fits this scenario for me.


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ivor


Marshall
This does seem pretty similar to the one of the other day - at least in terms of my response. Again I don't really see a spanking is appropriate (although he's certainly done enough to earn one!) but if he insists that I give him one to set the books straight then I guess I'll do so.

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MemoryMan


Sherrif
I'll sit Bruce down beside me and point out that his mother had said he was doing a great job, she hadn't said he was perfect.  His behaviour has improved immensely recently and that he was feeling guilty about falling short of doing his very best by cutting some corners proves that she was right about that.  If he wants to feel better about himself the solution to that shortfall is in his own hands, and is in the future, not the past.

She is proud of his improvements in school grades.  He feels guilty about the history but he can take pride in his achievement in all the others.  (How do you cheat a history test anyway, apart from cribbing a few dates?)  He must have absorbed enough knowledge to be able to wing it through.  I'll offer to work with him to help fill in the gaps in his knowledge; which can't be as great as he imagines.

Finally I'll tell him he can feel proud of himself for feeling so ashamed of his shortcomings that he feels the need to confess them to me and I'll assure him that I'll be there to help him along the way at any time.

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=MemoryMan

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm also with Icono and Kier.

Kat

Padraig


Trailboss
ditto

squarecutter


Sherrif
Bruce hitting the books and refocussing will be enough for now. then I will consider it lesson learned

Jack


Admin
I pretty much agree with MM. I think this is just a case where Bruce really needs to buckle down a bit and do those things he's been lapsing on. His real punishment will wait until the fall, when he'll go back on strict homework overwatch rules for a while, to help him get back into the proper habits.

By the way - this is based (very loosely) on reality, but no actual cheating. He just felt bad, because he'd been getting away with some stuff, and his mom complimented him on the job he'd been doing, when he knew he wasn't doing as good as he should have been. My answer to him in RL was close to the same as it was here - start doing better.


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