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2 July 2016 - Good Boy on Friday, Bad Boy on Saturday - a DMK Production

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A DMK Production

Austin is your eleven year old son. Austin is subject to spanking if needed. For some reason Austin has always found it hard to make close friends. You were pleased when, earlier this year, Austin started bringing around a "new kid" named James. James is also eleven and the boys seemed to become fast friends. You were able to meet James' parents and they seemed like good people. James also has an older brother, seventeen year-old John.

Austin has been invited by James to a "small party" on Friday night. Austin says James says it is just a couple of the guys from school and they are going to eat pizza and play video games. You have met James and his parents and think nothing of a few eleven and twelve year-olds getting together so you give permission for Austin to go. You drop him off at James' house on Friday afternoon.

Less than an hour in to the party Austin calls you and asks you to pick him up. Austin says he will be waiting across the street and to please hurry. You go quickly and find Austin waiting where he said he would be.

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Austin gets in the car and explains. Apparently James' and John's parents are out of town for the weekend and they left John in charge. John planned a party and allowed James to invite a couple of friends in order to buy his silence. Austin said it seemed weird but everything was ok until the older kids started drinking beer. Austin says he knew he shouldn't be there so he told James he was feeling sick and was going to go home. You praise Austin for doing the right thing.

JAMES - 11
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JOHN - 17
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This morning, Saturday, Austin gets up and does his few chores and then says he is going off to the park to play ball. (His normal Saturday routine.) Austin is gone for about two hours when your door bell rings. It is a police officer and he is bringing Austin home. Austin is dirty and his shirt is torn and has obviously been crying. Otherwise, Austin looks to be alright. The officer explains that he pulled your son and another boy apart in the park. He says the boys seemed to be having a scuffle not unlike several he was in when he was Austin's age. The officer says no real harm seemed to be done - the boys were mostly rolling around on the ground hitting at each other. The officer says the other boy was discovered to have a bloody nose - again the officer says it did not seem to be cause for major concern. However, department policy required him to call paramedics since it was a minor and there was bleeding. The officer says the other boy was taken to the hospital (standard procedure) to be checked out. The officer says as far as he is concerned the matter is closed and he will leave your son with you. Should there be further issues he will be in touch.

Austin explains the other boy was James. Austin says James was at the park too and they started having words over Austin leaving the party. Austin says James was in a strange mood and wouldn't stop calling him names. Austin said he got mad and slugged James across the face and then "it was on." Austin says the next thing he knows the cop was picking him up from the ground.

You have specifically told Austin he is not to put his hands on someone else unless it is a matter of self defense and he is definitely not supposed to throw the first punch.

Austin seems more concerned about his relationship with James than anything else.

How do you sort this all out?

"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."


I'm going to reinforce that civilized people use words, not fists. I'm going to reinforce that he is never to throw the first punch (and "he started it" by calling names won't wash with me), but he has my express permission to finish a fight if he's punched first.

As to the boys' relationship, it sounds like neither has a huge social circle. They're going to miss each other pretty quickly, and it's best to let them sort it out themselves.

That's the 1960's answer, and how, I think, I would choose to still respond.


Oh my heavens... what an AWFUL little prig I've raised...  Evil or Very Mad

I think I'll start sending him to school dressed like this since it's more fitting and all...

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Y Lee Coyote

Sticks and stones will break my bones but words will break my psyche!  If Austin tried to get away from James and failed then his conduct is understandable.  Violence from me is not going to do any good in either the short nor long term.

Since James was taken to the hospital, his parents have been called for John is not going to satisfy officialdom.  Now John is probably blaming both kids for the trouble he is in.

Us parents need to talk to each other and get to the bottom of all this.  There is a lot more going on that has been said.  A huge question is why James was behaving so badly -- a hangover from beer is not a likely clause although from something else is.

No further action for now.



Seems as if I may need to get the pair of them together, perhaps on neutral ground and endeavour to repair the damage that has been caused. I definitely don't want to get James' parents involved as they appear to know nothing about the party and I don't want me or Austin to be the cause of them finding out.

David M. Katz

Coyote mostly has it for me. I think we parents need to get together and discuss the whole thing.

I think the boys will come to their own terms with time.

I suspect John was behind a lot of this. ("You better make sure your friend keeps his mouth shut.")

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


I think David has the right idea - John was probably harassing James, and James was upset about that and worried about why Austin left. James had probably hoped to impress Austin, and was upset by him leaving.

While I don't think I'd spank Austin in this situation, if I were the dad in the scenario, unless Austin tried and was prevented from leaving, I think I would. It won't be too serious, though, since I understand his feelings.

If James went to the hospital, the excrement will hit the rotary implement, and I think everything's going to come out. Austin and I can wait a bit to see what's what.

"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."

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