Bransom, TX

a discussion place for our web site


You are not connected. Please login or register

BOTD 9/11/2016 "A Way To Move Forward" A Kat Production

View previous topic View next topic Go down  Message [Page 1 of 1]

David M. Katz


Marshall
A Way to Move Forward
A Kat Production



Your daughter is a single mother, with a 16-year-old son, Leif. Leif’s dad lives in another state, more than a thousand miles away. The joint custody arrangement is that Leif spends summers with his dad and remains with his mom during the school year.

You’ve always been close to Leif. You’ve spanked him in the past – sometimes on your own authority and sometimes at your daughter’s request. You’ve not disciplined him, however, for nearly two years.

This evening he gives you a call. He’s very upset and asks you to come over. When you arrive at your daughter’s house, it turns out the two of them had an argument. It escalated to a point at which he shoved his mom hard enough to cause her to fall. Though she tries to minimize what happened, Leif is having none of it. He is deeply ashamed and feels he deserves a whipping. When you suggest his father is the appropriate person to do that, he points out he won’t see his dad until Christmas; plus which, he doesn’t want his dad to know what he did. He insists that a whipping is the only way to move forward; your daughter provides her reluctant consent.



Leif - 16
[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]


What are you going to do?


_________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=David+M.+Katz

Pi Beta


Deputy
Should violence beget violence? I don't think so in this case. Clearly he's very upset and probably embarrassed but accepting a severe belting or whatever might be the "norm" to me is taking the easy way out.

Between the three of us we need to be looking at restitution rather than outright punishment - tasks perhaps that have needed doing for a long time but which they've never got round to doing up to now or activities that would normally have involved paying a tradesman to do that Leif might be capable of doing. Though they could be looked on as a form of punishment, I'm sure his mother would appreciate positive restitution to pure punishment, while in the long term I'd hope Leif would accept this as reasonable.

Jack


Admin
I'm guessing that Leif sees this as a way to clear his conscience. Before I do anything, I want to know why this happened.

It doesn't justify his action, but it's more normal to push someone who's invading your personal space, than to that person then shove. Before I do anything, I'm going to discuss this (privately) with both of them, to find out what really happened.

After that concern is cleared, I also wonder if this is just a one off, or if we need to consider getting Leif anger-management or something. At 16, he's probably bigger than his mom, and if the two of them are living alone, then we need to make sure this isn't going to recur.

After settling both of those, I'll discuss it with Leif. I am willing to give him as thorough a session for this as he thinks he needs, but I think he needs to understand why he's asking for it, and why it happened.


_________________
"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."
http://bransomtx.forumotion.net

Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
As Pi said - violence should not beget violence.

Lief needs some anger management counseling. It is possible that a spanking will help to assuage his guilt and with the counseling.

Mom may be entitled to a lot of the blame. She is the adult and should not have let the situation escalate.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

ivor


Marshall
I don't see this a violence begetting violence since it is not an immediate response and because Leif has requested the whipping.

However, I do need to talk with both parties first but on the evidence so far presented Leif sees suffering pain himself as in some way atoning for the hurt he has caused his Mom.

(Perhaps he want to turn over a new leif Wink )

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=Ivor+slipper

squarecutter


Sherrif
Not sure thi is the right way. I think a few chores might make the point better with a 16 year old and also help his Mom regain some authority

David M. Katz


Marshall
Jack wrote:I'm guessing that Leif sees this as a way to clear his conscience.  Before I do anything, I want to know why this happened.  

It doesn't justify his action, but it's more normal to push someone who's invading your personal space, than to that person then shove.  Before I do anything, I'm going to discuss this (privately) with both of them, to find out what really happened.

After that concern is cleared, I also wonder if this is just a one off, or if we need to consider getting Leif anger-management or something.  At 16, he's probably bigger than his mom, and if the two of them are living alone, then we need to make sure this isn't going to recur.

After settling both of those, I'll discuss it with Leif.  I am willing to give him as thorough a session for this as he thinks he needs, but I think he needs to understand why he's asking for it, and why it happened.

I'm stealing this answer.


_________________
Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=David+M.+Katz

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
A shove isn't the same thing as a blow, but it is an act of violence. I'm concerned that an argument got out of hand to this extent. My main concern is making sure there is no repetition of this incident with Leif's mother or any other woman.

I think it's important to know what led up to the shove, not because it can possibly excuse Leif's behavior, but because it may well be that both he and his mother need some sort of family therapy and/or individual counseling. If the relationship has disintegrated to the point at which they can't resolve issues without violence, perhaps Leif and both his parents should consider a change in  the custody agreement.

In any case, I don't think it's a good idea to resolve Leif's guilt with a quick, relatively easy, response. I'm going to do my best to encourage whatever professional response seems appropriate and offer myself in the meantime to act as a sort of referee if things start to get out of hand again. I'm also going to offer my home as a haven where Leif (or his mother) can cool off.

Kat

John Boy


Sherrif
David M. Katz wrote:
Jack wrote:I'm guessing that Leif sees this as a way to clear his conscience.  Before I do anything, I want to know why this happened.  

It doesn't justify his action, but it's more normal to push someone who's invading your personal space, than to that person then shove.  Before I do anything, I'm going to discuss this (privately) with both of them, to find out what really happened.

After that concern is cleared, I also wonder if this is just a one off, or if we need to consider getting Leif anger-management or something.  At 16, he's probably bigger than his mom, and if the two of them are living alone, then we need to make sure this isn't going to recur.

After settling both of those, I'll discuss it with Leif.  I am willing to give him as thorough a session for this as he thinks he needs, but I think he needs to understand why he's asking for it, and why it happened.

I'm stealing this answer.
yep

http://www.malespank.net/listAuthor.php?author=John+Boy

Sponsored content


View previous topic View next topic Back to top  Message [Page 1 of 1]

Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum