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BOTD 10-06-2016 Lost in Translation - A Kat Production

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Bransom Postmaster
Lost in Translation
A Kat Production

You and your family recently moved to the US. Although English is not your native language, you, your spouse and your 14-year-old son Yuriy are fluent. You enroll Yuriy in the 8th grade of the local middle school, where he is doing well. You’re surprised to find out during the first quarter parent conferences that Yuriy has made himself useful by teaching his English class phrases in his native language. When the teacher gives you some samples, however, you realize Yuriy has been having a little fun by teaching the class obscene phrases, e.g., “Fuck you, you son of a bitch,” that they think translate into common beginners’ phrases, such as “I’m pleased to meet you.”

Yuriy - 14
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What do you do?

Can you dig it?


Russians have a very long tradition of corporal punishment...

Who am I to break with tradition?

Twelve strokes with the Batog on the bare ягодица and all...

Stevie. (the terrible).


I guess it depends on whether he's Russian or Jewish from Russia--my cousin came at age 14, and, as far as I know, had never, and has never been spanked in his life. But Stevie is correct about the tradition amongst "real Russians".

I'm going to, in general terms, explain to the teacher that these aren't nice words and don't mean what he thinks they mean. I'll have, at least, a chat with Yuri when I get home.

As an aside, when I was in college, I lived in a "Fr-ussian" quad in an international dorm (not enough Russian speakers, too many French speakers). One of my quad mates was a Russian major who was given a dictionary of Russian obscenity as a birthday gift. It was nearly the size of a Merriam-Webster's normal dictionary here.

We had an emissary from the Soviet consulate visit our dorm. My quad made wrote, in lipstick, on a sliding glass door in Russian: "Workers of the World, Unite. F**k skillfully and with great vigor (one word) but don't f**k yourselves out (another single word) and pulled the drapes. When the emissary arrived, with a flourish he opened the drapes to the great amusement of the Soviet official. Sophomoric humor, but then, we actually WERE sophomores.


In the spirit of cementing East-West relations Yurik is going to feel my belt across his bare ягодица when I get home. I'm also going to tell his teacher that at school tomorrow he is to apply the paddle to that same clothed butt.

David M. Katz


Я не могу быть переплюнутым Стиви. Он дал нам только одно слово на русском языке. Я даю весь мой ответ

Я вежливо сказать учителю честную правду о фразах и предложить ему препятствовать их использованию.

Я согласен с Стиви и Кир, что Юрий, вероятно, используется для порки, и я думаю, это требует наказания.

Юрий будет шлепала на его голые ягодицы с поясом. Семь, что составляет половину его возраст, должно быть достаточно.


I really have no idea if that actually makes sense to someone who can read Russian. I relied completely on Google translate.

It is supposed to say:

I can't be outdone by Stevie. He gave us only one word in Russian. I give my entire response

I will politely tell the teacher the honest truth about the phrases and suggest he discourage their use.

I do agree with Stevie and Kier that Yuriy is probably used to spanking and I do think this calls for a punishment.

Yuriy will be spanked on his bare buttocks with the belt. Seven, which is half his age, should be sufficient.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


I will explain to the teacher that those terms aren't really acceptable and ask what the punishment for cursing is (honestly, this depends on where we live, and is it likely to be corporal punishment, detention, or is this one of those suspension everywhere schools).

Whatever happens in school, when we get home, we'll be having a long talk about politeness, respect, and trust, before I thrash him thoroughly.

"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."


Fine by me if the school when appried of the facts wish to paddle Yuri. If they dont I will take a belt to him. One part of him at least will be deepest RED

Pi Beta

RIP 9 Jan 47 - 17 June 17
In the long term, I'm prepared to bet that he will joke about this and the well-deserved severe punishment I gave him. It will become a family bonding story, but in the short time he is going to have a very sore backside. Whether or not the school paddles him, he's going to get extra from me though I don't normally believe in double jeopardy.

I am somewhat amused at his sense of humour, but there's no way that I'll let him know that now or at any time before he leaves school.


Editor Extraordinaire
I understand why a boy Yuriy's age would think this sort of thing is hilarious. I also imagine that he sees it as balancing the power deficit that he feels living in a foreign country and speaking all the time in a foreign language. Nevertheless, he has abused the trust of his teacher and earning it back won't be easy. I doubt his classmates will feel too betrayed. They'll be more likely to want to know the naughty meanings of the innocent phrases.

While I'll have my own talk with Yuriy, I think I'll leave any punishment to the discretion of his teacher, who will have my blessing if he/she wants to use corporal punishment. For my part, I'll insist that Yuriy apologize to both his teacher and the class. In ordinary circs, I'm not a big fan of coerced apologies, but sometimes it's a necessary formality, even if insincere. I hope I won't have to insist too hard.



Oh, but Yuriy is so cute!!
How could I -not- belt him? Very Happy

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