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BOTD 11-26-2016 Hearing the Beat - An Ivor Production

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Bransom Postmaster

Hearing the Beat

An Ivor Production

Your 14 year old son Dale likes to play his music loud. Generally you accept this, but he does know there are times when he should keep it a bit quieter. Today is one of those days as your spouse has a bad headache and you told him earlier to keep it down until she felt better. At first it was at a reasonable level but as the afternoon has gone on the level has increased until the house is almost rocking.

You go up to remonstrate with him and on opening his bedroom door - you didn't bother to knock as you reasoned he wouldn't hear - you see:

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Dale's paddle hangs behind his door. Is it going to come into use?

And what about the cigarette? Does that turn this into a deluxe session?

Can you dig it?


I will repeat my request that he keep the volume to a dull roar, and why. Just as I try to treat him with respect, I do ask that there be a reciprocation of this for me, and all other residents in the house. I will politely remind him of my earlier request, and let him know that I expect he cooperate.

In the picture, the cigarette is unlit. I will ask him where the cigarette came from, and if he intended to smoke it and whether he has been smoking. I will then remind him about my father dying from lung cancer, as a result of his having smoked since he was even younger than Dale’s fourteen years. In particular, I will pull out the pictures showing his grandfather’s body wasting away, as a result of the cancer eroding his body from the inside out. In order to make sure Dale actually sees these pictures, I will ask him to describe what he sees, and ask him to explain it.

After that, if he is still interested in smoking and/or thinks it is “cool,” I will light the cigarette and have him smoke it, inhaling deeply. I will hope that he hacks and coughs, and then ask if he is “enjoying himself.” I will follow up this encounter by having him get near enough to me when he enters the house, so that I will be able to smell his breath to know if he is smoking again when he is out with his friends, and if he is, we will make a trip to a cancer ward of a hospital where he can personally see the “benefits” of smoking. I will show him the victims of emphysema, who are chained to an oxygen line, and as him if they are enjoying life. I will have him interact with those patients, and have him ask about their lives.

I think this educational session will be even more of an eye-opener than employing a paddle on Dale’s bottom.

Last edited by 18Smacked on Fri Nov 25, 2016 7:11 pm; edited 1 time in total

David M. Katz

As far as the loud music:  he has been asked to keep things reasonable and has not and so my best course now is to disable his sound system in an efficient way that will not cause permanent damage.  Maybe I can confiscate speakers, speaker cable, remote, etc.  He can have that back tomorrow.

The cigarette is a deeper issue.  My first reaction would be to take the paddle down and wear Dale's bare butt out.  That may indeed happen but (now that we have peace and quiet) a discussion is first in order.  Why is he smoking?  Is he addicted? Where did he get cigarettes? Etc. After that talk, Dale may get paddled but I might need professional intervention.  If he's hooked then a spanking will not accomplish a thing except to make Dale more withdrawn. The fact that the cigarette is not lit is a step in the right direction and so I do lean more to a discussion.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


Ditto Katz


This one could be tricky to decide.  I went up there to remonstrate, not to paddle him, so I don't think I paddle him for the noise this time.  I tell him that if I have to come up again for the noise then he gets an attitude adjustment with the adjuster that hangs behind his door.

Now, about that cigarette.  I see that it is not burning and hasn't been lit.  I can hear him now saying that he just wanted to appear cool to get in the mood for his cool music, and he never intended to light it.  I would like to be able to tell him that it is against the law for him to possess tobacco products regardless of whether he consumes them.  Trouble is, that is only true in 31 states and I don't actually know if it is true in the state we live in (since I don't smoke and don't follow such details).

So I confiscate the cigarette on the grounds that he doesn't have my permission to possess it, and I tell him that next time I catch him possessing tobacco products, he gets a session with the adjuster.

So he turned down the noise and avoided the paddle this time, but next time it will probably be different.


In the first place, he can turn the stereo off, and I'll warn him that, if he can't use an expensive system like that with respect to other people, then I'm willing to let him wait a year or two before he regains possession of it.

In the second place, I'll go to the drug store and get a nicotine test kit. While I can't think of any story that's going to make this okay, I'll at least listen. Even if he tests clean, it's still illegal for him to even have the cigarette, so I think he's going to be getting at least a few swats. Beyond that just depends on the explanation and if he's clean or not.

"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."


Editor Extraordinaire
I'll go along with 18Smacked's answer.




He can smoke whilst he's immured in the Oubliette... by the time he comes out of it, he'll be old enough to do so legally and all...

Dale knows how Stevie feels about both smoking and overly loud music.

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I wear him out with my belt.

Easy question, easy answer.

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