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BOTD 11-29-2016 Inspired by a Song: - Ivan the Terrible - A Stevie and DMK Production

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Bransom Postmaster

A Stevie and DMK Production

This is your nine year old son, Ivan:

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Sure, he looks sweet and innocent but, your boy has gained quite a reputation this year.  He has a new nickname:  Ivan The Terrible. (More about him being in that tree in a bit.)

Here is how Ivan's year has gone:

Last spring, at a Little League game, Ivan got upset at his friend and fellow player, Johnny.  Ivan whacked Johnny in the head with a bat.  Fortunately Johnny wasn't hurt even though the bat did break.  The coach informed you of Ivan's actions and kicked Ivan off of the team. You told Ivan that was a bad thing he did.

Over the summer, Ivan found a frog and hid the poor amphibian in his teen sister's bed. Your older daughter has severe ranidaphobia and, after screaming her head off, promptly informed you of Ivan's actions.  You told Ivan that was a bad thing to do.

Your spouse bought a new and expensive Persian rug and, despite being told not to, Ivan was drawing with his India inks while sitting on the rug and spilled them.  This permanently stained the rug.  Your spouse was very upset and informed you of the issue.  You told Ivan that he did a bad thing.

Ivan caught a grasshopper and, instead of releasing the poor insect, Ivan forced your younger son, Tommy, to eat the bug.  Tommy got very sick and started vomiting. Tommy informed you that Ivan made him eat a bug.  You let Ivan know that he did a bad thing.

Ivan made himself some counterfeit coins out of electrician's slugs and took them to the local grocery and tried to purchase chewing gum with them.  The store manager informed you of this.  You told Ivan he did a bad thing. You decided it was time to be more firm with your terrible son and so you told him, if his bad behavior continued, that he would get no presents at Christmas. (No, you weren't serious but Ivan didn't have to know that.)

Ivan's behavior improved for an entire week and you were happy.

Ivan then put a tack on his teacher's chair.  The teacher sent a note home informing you of what happened.  You reminded Ivan that he did a bad thing.

The little girl that lives next door to you has really long hair; her name is Susie. Ivan grabbed Susie and tied her hair up in knots.  Susie's mother informed you of this and asked you to please have your son leave her daughter alone.  You told Ivan that he did a bad thing to Susie.

Ivan got angry with your spouse and retaliated by stomping down all of the plants in your spouse's flower bed.  Your spouse informed you of this and suggested that Ivan needed a firmer hand.  You acknowledged that Ivan did a bad thing but said the boy was responding to being threatened with no Christmas presents.

You got Ivan a new pair of overalls and told him they were for school and to not play in them. Ivan immediately climbed a tree (see above) and tore his new overalls. Ivan informed you of what happened. You reminded Ivan that disobedience was a bad thing and told him he was not going to get any Christmas presents.

Your mother came to visit and your mother loves coffee with lots of sugar. Ivan brought some ants in the house and released them in to the sugar bowl.  Your mother informed you of this because she was very startled to see ants in the sugar and, anyway, she missed out on her coffee.  Ivan said it was a joke. You told Ivan that it was a bad thing to do.

Having had enough of Ivan the Terrible's actions you told him that he definitely would not be getting anything for Christmas.

Ivan looked at you and said, "I didn't want nuttin' anyway!"

Is it time to try a different approach with Ivan?  If so, what?

Can you dig it?

Pi Beta

I think it's time to send him to Uncle Jack's for Christmas from whom, no doubt, he'll return with his single Christmas present, a lexan paddle that he'll be able to teach you to use on him!

Should I know the song?

David M. Katz

Pi Beta wrote:

Should I know the song?

Look up "I'm Gettin Nuttin For Christmas."

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


When a child exhibits cruelty to another human or an animal (even if it is “only a grasshopper”), it can be a sign of deep psychological problems that are beyond the reach of a dad’s being able to appropriately address, at least with the usual disciplinary measures.

Clearly, telling Ivan that “he did a bad thing” is not working, and another approach is likely overdue.

Were Ivan my son, I would be making an appointment with a Child Psychologist for a complete evaluation, and recommendation(s). I would listen very carefully to whatever he/she suggests. This litany of offenses for a child so young sends chills down my back.


I Ain't Getting Nuttin for Christmas:



Stevie- The link was hysterical and was just what I needed after viewing a depressing hour of RL news on TV.

So, let me phrase my reply to the "problem" thusly:

If I had a real child who did those things, my answer as posted would apply.

But, if I had a cartoon child..... Twisted Evil


Editor Extraordinaire
I agree with 18Smacked.



I don't think he needs a psychologist; I think he needs a consequence.

Thus far nothing has happened to him as a result of these acts, apart from a threat about lack of presents at Christmas which did have a effect, but because Christmas was so far off, did not last.

If Ivan is living in a place where such consequences are possible, then the next such action draws a spanking. Hopefully the short sharp shock will work.


I agree with Ivor. Although a psychological/psychiatric intervention may eventually be required, so far, there has never been a concrete consequence to any of his behaviors beyond "that's not nice, sweetie". I think it makes sense to try something simple before calling out the big guns.

David M. Katz

Since he is in a tree he can pick a switch. Twisted Evil

I think ivor and Kier have it.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


I find myself in between the two groups of answers.

Hitting someone with a baseball bat, whether the kid was hurt or not, is not at all acceptable. If it had been a punch, it might be one thing, but I would seriously have had him at least make one visit to someone to see if he needed help with anger management (I mean, I have an anger problem, and I've never done that, so I'm more than a bit scared at what could have happened).

Beyond that, while it seems like nine is old enough he should be past most of those behaviors, none of the rest of them seem that horrible to me. What does seem horrible is a 9-year old waking Christmas morning and having no presents, while his older sister and younger brother do.

Nope, I'm going to take him inside, have a long talk about his behavior and how he needs to correct it, then pick up an old-fashioned, wooden ruler, and explain who we're going to start him off with a clean slate.

"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."


Is he from East London or New York. 'Nuttin' indeed. And what sort of a Dad am I. My son does as he pleases . At the moment I seem to be driving myself into a corner where I have to deprive Ivan at Christmas which I seriously doubt I can follow through with him.

I think I will see if he wants his naughties cleared by use of the heavy hand his spouse suggests he needs. I really do think he needs boundaries and a spanking Dad to enforce them. I will try therapy or Military school if that fail Evil or Very Mad s


If my kid does have serious mental health issues, and based on the situations presented and his repeated failure to "wise up," there is an excellent chance of that being the case, I have to ask myself if it is fair to use CP (and we are not talking about a mild spanking here, more a rather harsh one!) on a mentally disturbed individual who might not be able to comprehend why he is being punished in the first place....

I say the answer to that question is a "No."

I will simultaneously take note that I should have used CP long ago... but at this point, it is beyond the point where it is an appropriate measure.

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