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BOTD 11-30-2016 Trouble in Paradise? A DMK Production

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Skater


Bransom Postmaster
TROUBLE IN PARADISE?
A DMK Production

Your family moved to a tropical island six months ago.  You work in management for a worldwide hotel chain and, when given the opportunity to live in paradise, could not turn down the offer.  You were mostly concerned as to how your twelve year-old son, Brayden, would respond.  Brayden has adapted well and enjoys his new school and has made friends with other kids more so than he did in the United States. Brayden's behavior is also near perfect and he has not required a spanking since your family made the move.

Brayden is more content and happier than you have ever seen him.  There is one bone of contention.  Brayden wants to hang out around the beaches and tourist areas on the island.  Neither you nor your spouse are always able to take him.  Brayden could ride his bike there as the area is not too far from your apartment. You simply do not feel comfortable with your son being alone in this area especially with it being full of international strangers. You have told Brayden that he is not to go to these areas by himself under any circumstances.

This afternoon you notice Brayden is wearing a bracelet that you know is only sold at the souvenir shops near the tourist area.  You do not remember him buying such a bracelet the last time you were able to accompany your son to the beach. You ask about it. Brayden had told your spouse when he left this morning that he was going to hang out with his friends.  Your spouse assumed Brayden would be with these friends near the apartment complex and sent him on his way.

Brayden answers truthfully, "I bought it today.  I rode my bike to the beach.  I had a blast!"

"But you said you were hanging out with friends?"

"I was, the three of us went together."

You ask Brayden if he has forgotten about the rule saying he can't go there alone.

Brayden answers, "No, I remembered.  That's why I went.  I wanted to prove to you guys that I wasn't a little kid and that it was no big deal for me to go there.  See, I'm still alive and didn't get hurt or kidnapped. Anyway, we all sort of stayed together, it was fine."


BRAYDEN - 12
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Is there about to be trouble in paradise or has Brayden changed your mind?


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John Boy


Sherrif
You know the rules Brayden, they are not to be broken as a challenge. I can either roast your butt good or you are grounded for a week.

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StevieWeeks


Trailboss
Time to sell Brayden into slavery on a chocolate plantation...

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Stevie.
Twisted Evil

18Smacked


Wrangler
I think I might offer Brayden a choice; a week in the oubliette or I send him off to exile for his direct and willful disobedience. Evil or Very Mad

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AFinch


Sherrif
The rule is "he is not to go to these areas by himself under any circumstances." He didn't. He went with friends, and while he didn't have specific permission to go "to these areas" with them, he did have explicit permission to hang out with them. The rule says nothing about only going with adults. I'd be happier if they actually stayed together rather than sort of stayed together and will say so.

No punishment. Brayden isn't a baby. If I'm still concerned about him going with friends, I need to clarify the rule. Personally, I think NYC or the Ohio State campus are both more dangerous.

Kat


Editor Extraordinaire
I'm with Kier.

Kat

Iconoclast


Trailboss
AFinch wrote:The rule is "he is not to go to these areas by himself under any circumstances."  He didn't.  He went with friends, and while he didn't have specific permission to go "to these areas" with them, he did have explicit permission to hang out with them.  The rule says nothing about only going with adults.  I'd be happier if they actually stayed together rather than sort of stayed together and will say so.

No punishment.  Brayden isn't a baby.  If I'm still concerned about him going with friends, I need to clarify the rule.  Personally, I think NYC or the Ohio State campus are both more dangerous.

I agree with Kier on EVERY point! I will make clear that he can always go with friends his own age!

Iconoclast

ivor


Marshall
I'm also with Kier.

There is definitely safety in numbers and presumably there have been no incidents of concern recently on the island as had there been I wouldn't have let him go there at all.

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db105


Trailboss
He is 12... He is almost at an age where I should start being less protective. I'm still not happy that he did this without checking with me, though... Also, while his being with his friends is safer, the "we sort of stayed together" part is not that reassuring.

Well, the description says he wasn't allowed to go on his own. If the going with friends situation has really never come up, I'm going to give this a pass, because of that, although I'll warn him not to take it as permission to ignore rules unilaterally. I'll also explain that doing something once and not getting hurt does not mean it's not dangerous. Dangerous means something bad might happen, not that it willbhappen every single time.

We'll discuss the possibility of changing the rule with my partner. My position is: let him go with his friends, with the understanding that if he is left alone for any reason he is to return right away.

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David M. Katz


Marshall
I m going to keep the K klub intact.


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Jack


Admin
When a situation like this comes up (and this kind of thing really does come up pretty often with boys this age), I have to stop and ask myself two questions: is what he did dangerous; and, is what he did actual disobedience.

It sounds like my worries in this case had to do more with 'stranger danger' than with the trip. The buddy system exists largely because, if one person is hurt or incapacitated, someone else can go get help. That certainly applies in this case.

The rule I made was for him not to go alone, and he didn't.

I am disappointed with Bray because he deliberately pushed the limits 'to make his point', but I don't feel like I can honestly punish him. He is going to have to listen to a lecture about the best way to handle things, and about maintaining my trust, but as long as he listens and discusses, I not only don't see a reason to spank, but will set up new rules with him about going with his boys.


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Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
AFinch wrote:Personally, I think NYC or the Ohio State campus are both more dangerous.

Personal feelings can be down right wrong.  NYC is not anywhere near being on this list http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/most-dangerous-cities-in-the-world.html or even this one http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/most-dangerous-cities-in-the-united-states.html  I guess that you would avoid churches in Charleston where the death rate was far higher than Ohio State.

Some tourist areas are terribly dangerous and/or crime ridden but knowing what kind and who are the victims is very important in making decisions.  Even in cities in the US with high murder rates, it tends to be a family/friends affair so who you associate with is important. And in a tourist paradise the most likely sort of crime is gain cash so that a boy is not a good target unless the area is swept up in some righteous conflict.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

squarecutter


Sherrif
[b]rayden leaves me in a quandary. He is right AND wrong. Biggest problem is I had no idea where he was and I probably dont know the friends he was with so coudlnt get help from the parenting cnnections to find out. So I think if Brayden wants to hang out at the beach, I need to be making contact with his friends and their families and gaining a little control. So Brayden if I know who these guys are and where they live fine. Otherwise no dice oh and next time clear a change in the rules before you break them or else

Jack


Admin
Y Lee Coyote wrote:
AFinch wrote:Personally, I think NYC or the Ohio State campus are both more dangerous.

Personal feelings can be down right wrong.  NYC is not anywhere near being on this list http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/most-dangerous-cities-in-the-world.html or even this one http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/most-dangerous-cities-in-the-united-states.html

I'm not sure how comparing the places he mentioned to the most dangerous spots in the world (or even 'just' the US) instead of a public beach makes him wrong... I think that's kind of an apples and oranges comparison, isn't it?


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AFinch


Sherrif
Jack wrote:
Y Lee Coyote wrote:
AFinch wrote:Personally, I think NYC or the Ohio State campus are both more dangerous.

Personal feelings can be down right wrong.  NYC is not anywhere near being on this list http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/most-dangerous-cities-in-the-world.html or even this one http://www.worldatlas.com/articles/most-dangerous-cities-in-the-united-states.html

I'm not sure how comparing the places he mentioned to the most dangerous spots in the world (or even 'just' the US) instead of a public beach makes him wrong...  I think that's kind of an apples and oranges comparison, isn't it?

I lived in NY during the "fun city/gun city" post Lindsay days, came home late at night on the IRT, and never had an issue. During much of my career, I drove home through a part of Cleveland where even the police don't stop for red lights, and where THEY told me that if someone is attempting to pull you over, keep going til you're on the other side of Cleveland Clinic even if it's a police car with red lights flashing(where it was considered much safer). I still visit NY several times a month, and have still never had a problem. But I'd still be a lot more worried about me (or Brayden) being there than on a beach in a Caribbean paradise. As usual, Y Lee, you take the most innocent comment and twist it, lawyer-like, to make a point that has nothing to do with the conversation at hand. I generally just ignore it, like water off a duck's back. And it isn't important here. But why is that each and every time you make an appearance here, you have to be as confrontational as possible?

Y Lee Coyote


Cowboy
Jack wrote:I'm not sure how comparing the places he mentioned to the most dangerous spots in the world (or even 'just' the US) instead of a public beach makes him wrong...  I think that's kind of an apples and oranges comparison, isn't it?

True but I did not bring up a couple of places that were 'especially' dangerous and made some comparisons disagreeing.  I did mention the more likely sort of tourist beach crime to worry about. I would suyspect that if the beach area is unsafe so is where we are living.

Y.

http://www.asstr.org/~YLeeCoyote/

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