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BOTD 12/16/16 "This Is Hard" A DMK Production

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1 BOTD 12/16/16 "This Is Hard" A DMK Production on Thu Dec 15, 2016 3:27 pm

David M. Katz

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Marshall
THIS IS HARD
A DMK Production




Your now thirteen-year old son, Declan, is spanked when a punishment is needed.  Since Declan turned thirteen he has been talking to you about the fact that he feels he is too old for spankings.  You have entertained Declan's concerns and listen to him when he brings it up but you have made no solid commitment concerning future punishments.

This morning Declan got in to a bit of trouble.  It was definitely not the crime of the century or a heinous act but it would warrant a basic spanking. You discussed the issue with your son and were ready to assign punishment.  You asked Declan if he was sure he wanted you to consider other punishments other than spanking.  Declan said he was sure.

Instead of a spanking, you assigned Declan a list of extra chores to be completed this morning before he goes out or before he uses any of his electronics.  You estimate that the chores should take Declan about two hours and that is if he moves slowly. Declan jumps in to his assignment eagerly but soon his progress slows and Declan gets whiny about how he doesn't like the chores (deep cleaning projects in the house.) You tell him that he isn't supposed to like a punishment.  Declan seems to lose all motivation and then you find he has completely stopped working.

Declan then says to you, "This is hard; I'll just take a spanking instead." (For the record, the chores are NOT hard; simply time consuming and a bit messy.)



DECLAN - 13 ("This is hard.")
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What do you do?


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Jack

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Admin
I am going to point out that he felt too 'old' (i.e. - mature) to be spanked; but that part of being mature is sticking to your decisions. I am going to strongly suggest that he finish this, and then we'll discuss it again, but stress that it's not purely his decision, and that if he asks to be spanked, we'll be sticking to that for a while. I think I'll also tell him that I'm a bit disappointed by his attitude, and that if he does still prefer to be spanked, I'll be upgrading it a bit from what I'd originally planned.

On the other hand, he's only 13, and this is something he's never experienced before, so I'm going to try to listen to him and not be too harsh.


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Pi Beta

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RIP 9 Jan 47 - 17 June 17
"I'll spank you if that is what you want, but it won't get you out of those chores. You chose that option and, having accepted it, there's no backing out, but afterwards, we'll put spanking back on the agenda if that's what you think should happen. Let's say we review spanking as an option once those choses are completed and then at three monthly intervals."

Adric

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Cowboy
I think I would tell him that since he committed himself to the alternative punishment, he has to follow through with it and complete it.  I might also tell him that if he doesn't start cooperating and finishing the job, he might get a new punishment for failure to cooperate, and that new punishment would be a spanking.  (And, of course, he would still have to complete the deep-cleaning assignment.)

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AFinch

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Sherrif
I agree with everyone else. Be careful what you wish for.

18Smacked

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Cowboy
At this age, it is not at all surprising that he fell through on the chores, particularly as he was not expecting that kind of alternative. So, I don't think my disappointment will be very deep or very long-lasting. I do agree with everyone's thoughts on what happens, too.

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StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
It's too hard ???

Stevie will graciously wait  a few minutes while Declan retires to his room for a little 'alone time'. That ought to cure the problem of too great hardness, at least for an hour or so...

Stevie... Twisted Evil

Kat

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Editor Extraordinaire
The grass is always greener, innit? Declan must complete the punishment he requested. I think that allowing a choice of punishments can be positive in that a kid may be more inclined to reflect on his behavior and take responsibility for it. The choices I offer should both be proportionate to the misbehavior, though aversive in different ways. If Declan understood what the alternative punishment would be and accepted it, he must see it through. He'll probably see corporal punishment in a different light once he has experienced a tedious and time-consuming alternative.

Kat

David M. Katz

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Marshall
I agree with the consensus that Declan needs to keep this commitment but maybe I can help a little.

I agree that punishment should not be enjoyable or fun but I see no reason why I can't "work" along side of him. Maybe I can show him how to do things or maybe clue him in on a short-cut or two. At least we can have time together and talk. I can work with him without doing the work. Also, maybe a little music playing will help.

The purpose of the exercise is to give Declan a means to reflect on the problem and to give him an alternative to doing something he would rather do like going out or playing with his electronics. I think I can accomplish the spirit of the punishment while still making the burden a little easier to bear.

After I help Declan get finished with his list (and I know he'll make it) then the two of us will talk about the experience and will explore if non-corporal options should still be considered in the future.


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David M. Katz

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Marshall
StevieWeeks wrote:

That ought to cure the problem of too great hardness, at least for an hour or so...

Stevie... Twisted Evil

He's thirteen. Are you sure the cure will last an hour? Embarassed Razz jocolor


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ivor

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Marshall
"Well you don't have to finish the chores, Declan."

"Gee, that's great Dad - thanks. They were so boring. Can I go off and see Michael now?"

"Of course you can - but I've got to give you your original spanking first."

"Daaaad!"

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squarecutter

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Sherrif
He can complete those chores by dinner timeor the spanking will be back on anyway. When done we can revisit the question. Declan has to understand it is punishment. Something unpleasant to deter him from wrongdoing. The alterntavis to spanking will not be soft options

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