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BOTD 12-24-2016 Taking Notice - An Ivor Production

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Skater

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Bransom Postmaster

Taking Notice
An Ivor Production


It's the weekend; your twelve year old son Terry has gone out and from what he said you concluded that he'd gone to the park to play with some of his friends. You're happy with that as the park isn't far away and you know his friends.

You decide to go into town to do some shopping and after parking the car and on the way into the shops you see:


[You must be registered and logged in to see this image.]

Yes, it's Terry.

You go up to him and ask him what he means by sitting there with the sign.

He tells you that the only time you hug him is after you've finished spanking him and he doesn't consider those 'free', so he decided to try and get some another way.

What do you do now?


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AFinch

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Sherrif
I'm going to hug him. And take him home. And hug him some more. And talk to him. And hug him some more. And make sure he knows I have all the free hugs he can stand, and then some. And hug him some more.

18Smacked

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Cowboy
He will be hugged more than any child has ever been hugged before, from the moment he gets up until the moment he goes to bed.

Here's the thing; it does not matter if he already is hugged 20 times a day or 60 times a day. What matters is his perception that he is not hugged , or not hugged enough, except after a spanking. I need to have him change that perception and the best way to do that is by giving him massive quantities of hugging. I will also review my entire repertoire of behavior with him (ideally with video recording for me to review) so I can critically examine how I am behaving with him to change things so he will know, unquestionably, how much I do love him and value his presence in my life.

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tbfyb

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Cowboy
I suppose giving him a spanking for not being at the park (and then a hug) is not the correct response.

Seriously, hugs are important and while I should have known this -- I'm glad for his being at the mall and my having seen him. I will take him home and hug him at least once a day.

StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
Stevie never got hugs as a boy... why should Terry expect any difference and all?

Jack

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Admin
There's two important things to get out of the way first. Why did I conclude that he was going to the park with his friends? Was he vague and I misinterpreted or did he deliberately lie to me. If it's the first, I need to be more careful in the future. If it's the second...

Of course, as soon as he says that, I'm hugging him. If Terry is living in this household, then the answer is simple. "Son, if you're not getting enough hugs at home, then you need to go to the end of the line after you get one. Your brothers want hugs to."

The real answer is simply, "I'm sorry, Terry. When I was your age, I was uncomfortable with physical contact, especially when it was forced on me. For some reason, I'd thought you were getting the same way. Or maybe I'm still a little uncomfortable with it. Whatever the reason, I will work hard to solve that."

"However, didn't you lie to me about where you're going to be? Let's get you a couple of more free hugs before you have to pay for one."


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Adric

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Cowboy
What this tells me is that I need to work on my behavior at home to overcome my discomfort with the expression of physical affection.  He'll get a lot more hugs from me now that he has revealed where he stands on the issue.  It would have been nice if he could have told me that instead of marketing himself on the street, but some things are really hard to put into words and I think this is one of them.

Jack wrote:The real answer is simply, "I'm sorry, Terry.  When I was your age, I was uncomfortable with physical contact, especially when it was forced on me.  For some reason, I'd thought you were getting the same way. Or maybe I'm still a little uncomfortable with it. Whatever the reason, I will work hard to solve that."

I got more than enough hugs from my mother,  but Dad just wasn't comfortable with physical contact.  (He told me once that his own father almost never touched him so I see where it came from.)  I'll have to work at this with Terry because it doesn't come naturally - yet.

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tbfyb

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Cowboy
It seems that giving him a spank for not being in the park is the correct response after all -- free hugs now + a paid hug when we get home for not telling me the truth about his destination. This could be quite dangerous -- if he turned up missing the police would waste valuable time searching the park.

Kat

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Editor Extraordinaire
I'm with Kier.

Kat

David M. Katz

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Marshall
I wasn't going to answer this because, frankly, it is too close to home. Like Stevie I was never hugged as a child and the only time an adult ever put hands on me was to hit me. My sperm donor was abusive and the egg donor was a cold and emotionally absent bitch.

To the scenario:

Why in the hell have I perpetuated my childhood trauma to my son? So what if he is not where he said he would be? (We can talk about that later.) This should be the loudest wake-up call that I have ever received. If I want a chance at any sort of relationship with my son then I immediately grab him up and hug him and then I hug him some more and when we get home I will hug him again.I hope I like crow because I am about to eat a lot of it. My only hope is that my actions and words are not too little too late.

(The very sight of that picture brings me to tears.)


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squarecutter

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Sherrif
I am goin to hug huim , hug him and hug him some more. After which we will chat about how scary it was for me that he wasnt where he was expeected to be and ask him what he thought I should do about that...

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