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BOTD 1/29/17 "A Hairy Situation" A Beaver Production

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David M. Katz

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Marshall
A Hairy Situation
A Beaver Production


You are living together with your spouse and 11-year old son, Jonathan, in Louisiana. You send Jonathan to a selective private school to provide him a better education than he would receive at one of the public schools in your area.

His school enforces a dress code that requires the male students to wear khaki shorts or pants alongside a properly tucked in polo or button up shirt. Their hair must be off the eyebrows, ears, and collars, and the school handbook specifically forbids dyed hair in attention-grabbing colors.

Recently, you were informed by his teachers that your son is showing a rebellious attitude, and you have noticed the same at home. Your son is becoming a teenager!

When he was younger, you have employed timeouts and light spankings (hand on butt) for discipline, but after he turned eight he also got to know a paddle that you keep in his bedroom dresser as a reminder for him to behave and obey his parents.

It is a Saturday and your spouse and you are doing your weekly shopping trip, while Jonathan is visiting a friend. After you come back, you see him greeting you in front of your house like this:



Jonathan - 11
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Your spouse looks shocked and accidentally drops one of the shopping bags. After questioning, Jonathan admits that he decided to get his hair dyed in rainbow colors today and that he was not visiting his friend after all. He argues that he did not have to ask you because he is not a child anymore and capable of making his own choices.

How do you react?


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Adric

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Cowboy
I'm afraid he gets a spanking first, and then we go to Sally's to shop for some hair dye that will not violate the school's dress code.

But hey, if the school doesn't object to dyed hair on boys in principle, I may let him pick a reasonable color that is different from his natural color, provided that he promises to maintain it properly as it grows out.

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Y Lee Coyote

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Deputy
The first question is: "Is that permanent or wash out dye?"  If the latter than we skip to the third question.  

The second question is only for a permanent dye. What is the school going to say.  If it detentions then Mr. Grownup is going to have lots of time to do his homework before getting out.  If it something serious like a suspension, them a cover up dye is required.

The third question is: What is the penalty for lying to parents?  As a grown up he has to own up to the consequences of his actions.

After all that is done, I'll answer his question about how it looks.

Y.

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18Smacked

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Cowboy
I will concur with YLee on what he suggests, but I will also say that I think it is time that I start using things like reward systems and contracts with Jonathan, so that he and I are not going to be constantly battling one another while he explores being a teenager.

We need to find common ground to meet on, and then work out how to deal with the differences we have. This is where things like contract, properly made, are very useful. I present it to my son as something that "he is now ready for" and that it takes "a certain maturity level" to have a contract as a way to facilitate his buying into the concept. I make sure that all contingencies are built into the contracts and reward systems so that all situations are covered, and also so that I can maintain his cooperation.

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squarecutter

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Sherrif
So when we are out and thinking our boy is with neighbours he is in fact out also getting his hair dyed. I'm afraid I'm not ready to accept that at 11 Jonathan is anywhere near to being an adult . If no adult knew he was out having a hairdo then that paddle is about to show him just how adult he is. First lessons, courtesy and responsibility. Next we will wash that colour out of his hair before Monday if we can or I will let the school take care of business as it sees fit. Sorry 18smacked the attitude has to change before I enter into the sort of negotiation you suggest. I don't think he shows me that kind of maturity yet

18Smacked

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Cowboy
squarecutter wrote: Sorry 18smacked the attitude has to change before I enter into the sort of negotiation you suggest. I don't think he shows me that kind of maturity yet

I agree that he needs to show more maturity and acceptance of responsibility, but if I want to fully engage him into something like a reward system or a contract, the odds of achieving that are improved when I am willing to bend a little towards him so that he feels like I am in agreement with his thinking. See, the essential thing is that I start him into accepting these efforts to reign in his behavior before he is fully a teenager. Spanking only goes so far with a kid, and it can even be counter-productive at certain points. In fact, it is most beneficial when it is sparingly used. I do not want to constantly be punishing him, and I want a good relationship with him. I may well be better off starting up these things now, before they are really due, so that a fully get his cooperation.

Now, of course, I am not, believing he is mature enough at this point (at least not often) but I might be willing to give in on minor and insignificant issues in order to get his cooperation on big issues like keeping his word, being home at set times, being honest on where he goes/who he is with, etc.

One other thing I am going to do is to  try to spend more time with him so that he can see how I am in being honest with others, keeping my word on what I tell others, etc. That way he can see that even though I am a lot older than he is, we both need to do many of the same things in our daily lives.

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AFinch

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Sherrif
The world really MUST be coming to an end. I'm in agreement with YLC two days in row!

First and most important question is whether it's washable or permanent dye. Second is what's the penalty--if it's detentions, he bought and paid for them, literally. If it's suspension, some other solution (some sort of safe dye--I believe you're not supposed to dye already dyed hair immediately--it can cause permanent issues to the hair, but perhaps products have improved over the years).

The penalty for lying to parents at 11 is a sore bottom, and that will happen. Afterwards, I'm in 18smacked's camp--some battles are worth fighting, some are not. Setting up a concrete schedules of rules to which he has agreed after discussion, complete with a system of rewards and punishments, is likely to make him a little less likely to butt heads for the sake of doing so as he explores puberty and the emotional changes that accompany it.

ivor

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Marshall
Imo (or should that be emo?) he's too young for contracts but not too old for contacts So it is going to be paddle to butt the severity of that depending on how easy it is to cover the existing dye.

However, while the rainbow exists some dampness is going to occur as this son displays two moons

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db105

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Trailboss
Even more than about the hair, I'm concerned about his lying and having me think he's visiting his friend when he's actually elsewhere.

Jonathan is going to get his bare butt paddled over my lap for that.

Then we'll see about the hair. If the dye doesn't come out, we'll have to cover it with some dye of a more discreet color.

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Jack

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Admin
In reality, that looks like he colored his hair with Kool-Aid (something some of my lighter haired boys have done), however it can still last a while, though not as long as regular dye.

I have no problem with a kid wanting to dye his hair. I do have a problem with the attitude and lying.

I'm not going to give him the deluxe version of the speech (where he has to explain where he's going to live and how he's going to pay the bills). In my family, it's pretty well known that, if Dad's paying your bills, you don't get 100% freedom to make your own decisions. The older you get, and the more responsibility you show, the more freedom I'll give you, and you can decide a lot of stuff, but I do still maintain veto rights. Since the scenario doesn't say - I'll just assume he's an only child and this hasn't really came up.

"First, it looks pretty nice, but you can't leave it that way, because of the school rules."

In most schools of which I'm aware, dress code violations result in a kid being sent to ISS until they're fixed. ISS tends to have bad effects on grades, so there's no way he can keep the hair.

"For now, why don't we go back and get it dyed... You're a little pale for black. How about red?"

After that part of the conversation, we'll talk about decision making, maturity, responsibility, and what happens to boys who deliberately violate rules and lie to their parents. At 11, I'm willing to settle for just a regular session with the paddle, if he even tries to meet me halfway. I don't know how much he spent to get that done (I'm guessing a friend did it for him?), but if we have to pay for him to get it re-dyed, he'll also be making a financial contribution to cover that cost.


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David M. Katz

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Marshall
A few minutes with clippers = buzz cut = problem solved.

Paddled for deliberate deception.


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StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
Stevie won't comment on this because he really isn't fond of hairy beavers...


Kat

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Editor Extraordinaire
I'm in agreement with Y and Kier.

Kat

David M. Katz

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Marshall
StevieWeeks wrote:Stevie won't comment on this because he really isn't fond of hairy beavers...



lol!


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Adric

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Cowboy
David M. Katz wrote:A few minutes with clippers = buzz cut = problem solved.

Paddled for deliberate deception.

I'll go with that solution -

Permanent hair die?
  No - wash it out.
  Yes - buzz cut.

Paddled?
  Yes, for deliberate deception.
  Yes, for an attitude that appears to need adjustment.

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Emlyn Morgan

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Trailboss
Ah yes, hair! I had some once. Sad

Anyway, as for Jonathan, I'm going to whack him.

18Smacked

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Cowboy
ivor wrote:Imo (or should that be emo?) he's too young for contracts but not too old for contacts


It may be the case that he is too young for a contract, but the script stated that "your son is becoming a teenager" and most teens are able to do a contract. (I pretty much would tend to doubt that the statement he is becoming a teenager is a truism, but I take it that way since it is the script we're given.)

Now, while I would normally have the boy draft the majority of a contract and then he and I would negotiate any points of contention, in this case, I would suspect I will have to do the majority of this, and the process will need to be directed by me much more than I might normally do, I think that possibly getting him into a simple contract may have some utility for him. It will be a very simple one, to focus on only one or two issues I may have with him, and those issues will be very easily defined and detailed; like keeping one's clothes where they belong, or coming and going on time, and being where one says.

But, I also mentioned having a reward system established, and that is really where I would focus most of my efforts. The contract is really probably only going to be used to get him an introduction to contracting so that I can use it with him in a few year's time.

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ivor

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Marshall
18Smacked wrote:
ivor wrote:Imo (or should that be emo?) he's too young for contracts but not too old for contacts


It may be the case that he is too young for a contract, but the script stated that "your son is becoming a teenager" and most teens are able to do a contract.  (I pretty much would tend to doubt that the statement he is becoming a teenager is a truism, but I take it that way since it is the script we're given.)




The scenario states he is eleven, so he is at least a year away from becoming a teenager.

However, I agree that entering into contract negotiations with him now would be a good way of preparing him for a future career as a lawyer.

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squarecutter

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Sherrif
18Smacked wrote:
squarecutter wrote: Sorry 18smacked the attitude has to change before I enter into the sort of negotiation you suggest. I don't think he shows me that kind of maturity yet

I agree that he needs to show more maturity and acceptance of responsibility, but if I want to fully engage him into something like a reward system or a contract, the odds of achieving that are improved when I am willing to bend a little towards him so that he feels like I am in agreement with his thinking. See, the essential thing is that I start him into accepting these efforts to reign in his behavior before he is fully a teenager. Spanking only goes so far with a kid, and it can even be counter-productive at certain points. In fact, it is most beneficial when it is sparingly used. I do not want to constantly be punishing him, and I want a good relationship with him. I may well be better off starting up these things now, before they are really due, so that a fully get his cooperation.

Now, of course, I am not, believing he is mature enough at this point (at least not often) but I might be willing to give in on minor and insignificant issues in order to get his cooperation on big issues like keeping his word, being home at set times, being honest on where he goes/who he is with, etc.

One other thing I am going to do is to  try to spend more time with him so that he can see how I am in being honest with others, keeping my word on what I tell others, etc. That way he can see that even though I am a lot older than he is, we both need to do many of the same things in our daily lives.

Its no a get at but I want first to squash the implicit no it all arrogance. He is still at an age where we need to know what he is up to in case for any reason he didnt make it home. He lacks life experience and physicial strength and with that coloured hair he could now also be a target rightly or wrongly. I am open to negotiation but not not to unilateral declarations. Like it or not 11 is too young to be declaring total independence

StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
Ward, T think you were a little too hard on the Beaver last night... Shocked

June Cleaver...

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