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BOTD 2/5/17 "When Love Turns to Hate" An 18 Smacked Production

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David M. Katz

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Marshall
WHEN LOVE TURNS TO HATE
An 18Smacked Production



As every parent knows, at some point or another, you are virtually guaranteed that there will come at least one occasion where your child will turn to you after some heated exchange and declare, "I hate you!" It might be when he is five and you have refused to let them cruise through the toy department at Target, or, when they are ten and you have denied their request for a sleepover with a dozen of their friends or,  it could happen as it did today.

Your son Kyle is 14 and you have denied his demand for the newest iPhone that just came out. Kyle's current Smart phone is functioning just fine. There was no compelling reason to give in to the demand for the newest version of the phone. Kyle got angry and told you he hated you and is now brooding and seething in his room.

  You are trying to keep the situation in perspective but there is no evading the impact those words have on you.


KYLE - 14
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So, what is the best way to handle your feelings and Kyle's?


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David M. Katz

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Marshall
jocolor I'm not buying a new phone because I need the money to redecorate Kyle's room . . . because damn. Razz

I'll have a real answer later.


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MemoryMan

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Sherrif
I'm too mature for tantrums,

I'll just quietly tell him, "That's sad because I don't hate you."  Then I'll leave him to sulk alone.

He'll get over it  - because he'll be the unhappy one as life continues around him.

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Iconoclast

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Trailboss
I will simply tell Kyle that if he really wants an upgraded phone he can simply buy one with his OWN money!

Iconoclast



Last edited by Iconoclast on Sat Feb 04, 2017 4:35 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : typo)

Jack

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It really depends on how much time has passed. If I think he's had time to calm down, I'll go tap on his door.

"How you doin', buddy?"

"Miserable."

"That's a real shame. I have to admit, I'm not doing very well myself."

I'm going to remind Kyle that material things aren't everything, and that, while not having something when you want it can be a pain, getting everything you want as soon as you want it leads to you not being able to appreciate anything. I'll point out that there are a lot of things I'd like to have that I don't (like an Alienware Area-51 with a 52" HD monitor!), but that it's important to learn to budget and save for the things you really want, and sometimes it's best to just make do.

At the end of the conversation, I'll have one last thing to say.

"Kyle, I love you, I've always loved you, I always will love you."


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StevieWeeks

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Trailboss
Kyle will hate Stevie the brutal monster even more when he wakes up tomorrow morning and finds his telephone has been disconnected and all...

Being completely without empathy can save one a great deal of money and all...

AFinch

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Sherrif
I'm with Jack and MM

David M. Katz

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Marshall
David M. Katz wrote:

I'll have a real answer later.

Here it is:

AFinch wrote:
I'm with Jack and MM

I am as well. I like the maturity that MM encourages but I also like Jack's resolution.

I also think Iconoclast makes a valid point. Perhaps Kyle can earn the money for the phone himself


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squarecutter

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Sherrif
MemoryMan wrote:I'm too mature for tantrums,

I'll just quietly tell him, "That's sad because I don't hate you."  Then I'll leave him to sulk alone.

He'll get over it  - because he'll be the unhappy one as life continues around him.

Precisely what my Dad would have said MM. All teens fall out with their parents from time to time. Later when he's more amenable we might discuss the difference between NEED and WANT

ivor

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Marshall
Can't add anything to MM's splendid answer.

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db105

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Trailboss
Jack said mostly what I would say. Living with few responsibilities like kids do is great, but the downside is that you don't have as much control over your own life. As an adult, if I want to treat myself to a luxury I don't really need I can do so, but a kid would have it more difficult. The money does not come from him, so the limits do not come from him either. That's difficult for teenagers sometimes.

Words like that can hurt, but he doesn't really mean them. He's just frustrated and he lacks the perspective and adult empathy to realize they are unfairly hurtful. Well, he's a teenager, and someone has to be the adult here. No need for any punishment, just give him some time and then have a talk like Jack said.

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kalico

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Sherrif
Dittoing jack and mm



Hugs kal

Jack

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Admin
db105 wrote:As an adult, if I want to treat myself to a luxury I don't really need I can do so, but a kid would have it more difficult.

One of the worst mistakes my mom made with me (and I'm assuming with Satana) (and my dad didn't do much better), is that she (they) never talked with me about budgeting. I had no idea what Mom made (and no idea with Dad until I was an adult, living with him to help with my brothers), and no idea what the bills were. What I did know is that, when they wanted something, they got it. When I wanted something 'it was too expensive' or '(I) should wait for Christmas/birthday."

Looking back now, I know that they were probably saving for things they wanted, but that they never mentioned it. However, if you don't show kids how adulting works 'behind the scenes' then how are they going to learn?


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