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BOTD 02-07-2017 A Trip to the Wood....City? - A Jack Production

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A Jack Production

You live in Toronto, Ontario, Canada with your family, including your 13-year old son, Cade.  

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Cade turned 13 less than two months ago, and only recently got into trouble for the first time since his birthday.  You reminded him that he can no longer be spanked.  You don't really like grounding, but you feel like you have to do it to provide a good example (not flaunting rules with which you disagree).  

Cade is very active both in school and socially.  While grounding isn't supposed to be pleasant, you don't want to hurt his scholastic or extracurricular activities or punish someone else.  You finally present a plan where Cade will be restricted from all electronics, except for school use, until he's done some extra chores and served a certain amount of in-room isolation.  He's not happy about it, but he agrees it's not unfair.

The problem is, things keep coming up.  While Cade does part of the isolation and chores, he just doesn't seem to be willing to sacrifice anything to get it done.  To be fair, you thought it would have been easier than this to finish, and you're not sure if you were too strict, if he's just not trying, or if there's something else.  To make matters worse, as it drags on, he's been invited to a 'release party' at a friend's house for a new video game, which he won't be able to attend under the current rules, and you're both sure there's no way he can finish it by then.

HOWEVER, you are going out of town for the next two days - not just out of town, but to New York.  Cade suggests he could go with you.  Only one of the days is a school day, and there are no tests or anything.  He could do the homework, and, while at the hotel, you could just spank him like you used to do, since it's not illegal in the U.S.

You have to admit that spanking him used to work, and, in the US. you'd be able to use something besides your hand if you thought it was needed.  

Are you willing to change your original consequence, should you just let him off, or is this an acceptable loophole?

Can you dig it?

David M. Katz

I am going to let him off.

I appreciate his positive attitude.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.


I'm going to let him off also and also offer him the trip to New York!



To take him with me to NY so I can spank him legally makes no sense to me; it may "solve" the problem this once" but not long term.

We need to figure out a workable solution if something happens again, if it is seen as something that's likely reoccur, since apparently, what was devised is not realistic and workable.

I say I let him off this time and we figure out what can work in future.


I'm with everyone else, letting him off with "time served".

He can still come with me to NY--there are a slew of new shows just opened or about to open we can enjoy together.

Y Lee Coyote

I find the suggestion disturbing.  Cade has not finished a fair punishment and will trade the remaining time for a spanking and missing a day of school and a trip to New York.

Somehow I expect that he’ll finish his homework super fast at the hotel and go out to explore NY while I’m at work.  He could even make that into a research for a school project that is sure to come by going to, say, the Natural History museum to study the dinosaurs (a few of which are Canadian).  Of course, we would have to spend some quality time together doing other stuff also such as restaurants or shows.

He has got a damn good lawyer!

I’ve assumed the scenario meant the Center of the Universe not some little town without anything special.  Stuck in a place like that might be a worse punishment and be super disappointing.  That would be down right cruel.

There something about my teen son wanting to spend time with his old man that plucks my heart strings.  I think that this would have long term benefits.

I hope this does not set a precedent.  I am conflicted.


I go along with everyone else and will commute his sentence for time served.  I think this situation calls for rethinking the punishments that Cade might receive so that they take into account his active social life.  Maybe work assignments are more appropriate for him than the imprisonment implied by grounding.

Maybe I should just confiscate his smart phone for some period of time.  That would seem to be the severest punishment of all - confinement to the "real world."


Y Lee Coyote wrote:I’ve assumed the scenario meant the Center of the Universe not some little town without anything special.

Everyone seems to be assuming this. I suppose I should have been more specific, but Toronto is not far away from the western border of New York (state), near Buffalo and Niagara Falls, but pretty much as far as possible from NYC, while still being near New York.

I was trying to be concise and leave out what seemed extraneous details in what already seemed a long scenario, but what I'd envisioned was a boring business trip to Rochester, New York, where Cade would have gotten spanked, then had to wait around the motel, doing homework and watching boring TV, until time to go home.

"In the end, it's just a story. But if you ask me, it's all true."


One doesn't know how often Cade was spanked before he turned 13, so is a trip over the border likely to turn into a regular event. And would it be worth all the trouble?

I reckon mobile removal for a period is likely to be the most effective tool in this day and age.


There are some practical difficulties involved...

Cade will need a passport to enter the US. If he does not already possess one, it's too late to get it, although it's fairly common for kids to have them nowadays.

Another issue is whether or not Cade is covered under my medical plan for trips to the US. OHIP does not cover anything like the amount of money a trip to the emergency room in Rochester would cost and all...


Y Lee Coyote

Jack wrote:... what I'd envisioned was a boring business trip to Rochester, New York, where Cade would have gotten spanked, then had to wait around the motel, doing homework and watching boring TV, until time to go home.
That might not be so true if Cade was interested in photography and could get to the George Eastman Museum or a couple of other places.  (The site indicates some public bus service available.)

OTOH if the trip was to Hicksville, say, he might have decided not to go initially.  Although if he did some research he would learn that if he got to the railroad station he could get to the Center of the Universe (just one km from Times Square) in less than an hour with frequent service and within his budget.

No matter what it still would be a trip to another country and with some exciting stuff with dad after work.


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